Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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Dear Betty,

I finally got around to reading "Orgasms for Two" and I can't tell you how wonderful it is to find a book so positive about sex and masturbation. The fact that many women need the extra oomph of a vibrator to come shouldn't matter, even if it's a result of getting used to coming with a vibrator. As you said who cares how she comes as long as she does? But I have a question about male masturbation since I'm all for equality. I have read that regular masturbation can affect maintaining a strong erection during intercourse because most guys use a tighter grip than the vagina. One solution is for the woman to do her Kegels and keep a strong PC muscle but what if that's not tight enough for the guy?

Many forums and such would say to cut down on masturbation which I don't agree with since I've come to believe both women and men are entitled to all the selfloving they like OR try a looser grip when masturbating which is similar to telling a woman she has to retrain her clitoris to respond to manual stimulation after using a vibrator in order to come, which again, is not fair.

Are there specific techniques guys can use during masturbation to help them maintain an erection for longer (not stave off an orgasm). I realize this website is mostly for women but I don't know who else to ask and I know that you are honest and can dispel the sex myths going around.

Thank you,

Irene

Dear Irene,

I wish everyone was as enlightened as you are. Unfortunately our society has ignored this most basic form of sex for so long, that few have considered the real importance of masturbation. The way we masturbate affects our future partnersex in more ways than I can list. You said it loud and clear: "Many forums and such would say to cut down on masturbation OR try a looser grip when masturbating." The truth remains that for many, masturbation provides far more orgasms than partnersex, so I suggest we incorporate our different selfloving patterns into partnersex, not to change a pattern that's been engrained since childhood. Modify yes, but to radically change our masturbation style is not likely to succeed but of course, not altogether impossible.

You ask for techniques guys can use during masturbation to maintain a longer erection. In "Orgasms for Two" the chapter "Especially for Men," I detailed a few ways based upon what Eric, my apprentice, found useful. Using the pelvic floor muscle and different breathing patterns will be beneficial only if a guy wants to last longer and is willing to practice. Otherwise partners can see intercourse as foreplay, but when they want to come, she uses her vibrator and he uses a hard grip and they get off lying side by side. Like you said, it's all about sharing and enjoying our sexual bodies anyway we can.

Betty