Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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Hi Betty,

Would first like to thank you for this great site. Well, here it goes. I have been married for 15 years. During the last 5 or so the wife has gradually lost all her interest in sex. We use to have a great sexual relationship but now it has turned into almost none. Sex is few and far between maybe once every couple months. So I find myself pleasuring me often to make up for what dosent happen in bed between us. I have talked to her about, but its just pointless. She has lost sexual interest so its just too bad for me.

I love this woman deeply and crave her body. But now I am to the point were I am ready to look outside our relationship for a discreet sex partner. Do you think this wrong? I have even thought about trying bi. Just to satisfy my sexual needs. I have even mentioned to her that I have interest in same room sex, swaping and threesomes to see if I could spark some interest. But its a big NO. Even though when younger she was very sexually active and even had an encounter with another woman. I am so lonley for sex with someone other than myself. Please help. any ideas? Should I just accept the way things are? Should I find my self a discreet partner? Or is it just too bad for me.

Dear D,

This is my most frequently asked question so you are not alone. The marriage vows leave this one out. They promise we will live happily ever after but they don't tell us it might be with or without enjoying some form of sexual expression. That's why masturbation is not only a marital sex saver but it probably reduces the crime rate by preventing spouses from poisoning one or the other. This is especially true for senior couples.

After menopause, a woman's desire for partnersex will fade once penetration becomes painful due to a drop in her hormones when the lining of the vagina thins out. Check out the name men-o-pause. Get my book "Orgasms for Two" so you can discover all the different ways to share partnersex besides the old in-and-out. Also affection and flattery will reap many rewards, especially when you seem happier as a result of upgrading your masturbation. Be generous and get her a Magic Wand vibrator. Offer to give her a massage using the Wand. This is how it was originally marketed.

Unless your wife wants to make changes, I can offer you eight suggestions to deal with what you feel is lacking in your marital sex life. Welcome to the world of sexual reality instead of all the romantic crap we've been fed.

One: Accept her just the way she is and enjoy whatever sex is available.

Two: Upgrade your masturbation with first rate porn and sex toys and have all the orgasms you want without any sexual guilt.

Three: Pay a visit to a massage parlor and enjoy a "Happy Ending."
Four: Go online and have cybersex anonymously.

Five: Hire a sex professional on occasion to avoid an extra marital affair if you want to stay married.

Six: Look for a good sex counselor in your area through aasect@worldnet.att.net or explore some of the adult sex workshops available today with your wife.
Seven: : Have a discreet extramarital affair which might lead to divorce. Or actually get divorced and do it all over again. However, there's no guarantee that partnersex won't disappear again.

Eight: Get a dog that will love you unconditionally, cuddle with you day and night, greet you with joy consistently, lavish you with wet kisses, lick your balls and follow you wherever you go.

I feel your frustration. Lately I'm having trouble wanting to have sex with myself and I'm a professional masturbator. Hopefully this too shall pass, or not. Meanwhile we can count our many blessings.

Dr. Betty