Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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I am hetero woman in my 60's and have lost most of my pubic hair. It looks so ugly, I feel so repelled, I can't look at myself or touch myself. How does one "groom" oneself with so little hair left?

Also, have been celibate a long time now. Used to masturbate a great deal during periods of celibacy, but have no sexual libido now. How to get it back? I hate feeling sexually dead.

J

Dear J,

Yes, so many of us go through this aging self-hatred phase. You did not loose your libido as I think women rarely ever develop one. What does that word mean to you? You have lost the desire to have sex, but how strong was it in your youth? Mostly we want to be attractive so we can pull in a male partner who does have a sex drive.

Their hormone construction is based on spreading their seed to impregnate us. Women have been conditioned to be receptive therefor most of us had our childhood masturbation repressed to insure that would be the case. Add to that our mothers constantly telling us how important it is to be pretty and our interest in sex is relative to our appearance. If I look good I deserve to have sex. If not, I'm thrown on the garbage heap of sexless grandmothers who are expected to care for grandchildren.

When I realized this at 65, I got mad and refused to accept it. Fist I groomed my pubic hair on top by getting rid of it and I trimmed the hair around my outer lips. After I researched bio-identical hormones I began to revitalize my vagina so I could include penetration in my masturbation sessions which I had enjoyed in the past. I also lost some weight so I would like myself better. Once I renewed my love affair with myself, it seemed a few women and men were interested in me sexually again. So I began to have a few flings with both sexes.

As I stated in my book "Orgasms for Two", I ended up with a young man who became my apprentice. I know I had the advantage of being a sex educator but why wouldn't this work for any woman who wants to be sexually viable in her sixties without a partner. Or you can be a Cougar and have a fling with a young man. But first, having a love affair with yourself will change your overall attitude and affect your basic personality as someone who would be fun to hang out with. Now that my young man is moving along and I'm looking at my 80's, I see this as a time to explore more sexual fantasies and continue to entertain myself sexually.

Remember, our seventies is the youth of old age and you're only 60. So it's time to get creative and fight back against this awful ageist society that is so stupid when it comes to older women. Read my essay "Hormone Replacement. One Sexologists Opinion." Then get some massage oil and a Magic Wand vibrator and follow my instructions in "First Time Orgasms." Then get back to me after you've begin having a love affair with you!

Dr. Betty