Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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To celebrate Gay Pride this year, think about this for a moment: If you have ever masturbated, you've had gay sex. Come on, doing yourself is a same sex activity no matter what you might be fantasizing. So get a grip on your clit or your cock and enjoy being as queer as a three dollar bill. Whether you are straight, bi, gay or undecided, rejoice in your queerness because diversity is what sexual expression is all about and masturbation is the one sexual activity the unites us all.

As a woman who's been advocating masturbation for over thirty years, I've often wondered why some parents, many clergy and lately too many politicians are so terrified that someone somewhere might be touching their genitals for sexual gratification. Originally I thought the masturbation taboo was primarily created by organized religions. They put this basic form of sexual expression on their hit list to make us all guilt-ridden sinners in need of forgiveness. That way a few could control many. Of course those of us who were smart figured that if God didn't want us to play with ourselves, She would have made our arms shorter.

Eventually I realized there were other factors besides religion that gave the masturbation taboo its long shelf life. Take homophobia for instance. Many manly men feel that doing their own dicks will make them less of a man. They have to get a woman to "do them." Or what if a guy likes jerking off so much he stays home instead of going out to "score." Maybe some guys are afraid that the pleasure they get from wanking will make them queer. Even worse, what if our homophobe ended up in a gay bath house one night and got a hand-job from a gay man? There goes his hard earned masculinity down the drain along with his jism.

I think homophobia affects men and women differently. Women are far less threatened by the labels gay or bi than most men. In many ways the image of two women having sex enhances a woman's feminine image while being gay devastates a man's masculine image. One of the worst things a boy can be called is a "sissy." But we think a girl acting like a boy is cute. We smile benignly and say, "She's a tomboy."

I suspect that one of the big social fears surrounding masturbating women is that once a woman learns how to give herself fabulous orgasms, she will stop putting out for two-minute men, guys who ignore the clitoris or who are threatened by vibrators. She might even prefer women. There are many manly men who don't want women to become sexually knowledgeable because down deep they know it would create a major change in their sexual behavior. They would no longer be able to fuck for a couple of minutes, blow a load, then roll over and go to sleep. Of course the exception is all the smart men who welcome a woman who knows what she wants and is able to ask for it.

When a single person becomes a couple, life gets more complex. One of the most common complaints from married couples or domestic partners is living with a person who doesn't want sex as often as they do. That's why I recommend that all committed couples include masturbation in their sexual repertoire to deal with different sexual appetites. Spending time alone masturbating needs to be part of every person's sexlife. Those moments of sexual solitude allow us to focus on our own sensations and to explore our erotic minds without having to be concerned with another person's pleasure.

Still society resists embracing masturbation, teaching sexual skills and honoring the diversity of sexual pleasures. Religious and political conservatives continue to insist that adult sexuality is a committed heterosexual relationship in a monogamous marriage. They discourage or condemn all bodily pleasures. For them, all other forms of sexual expression are seen as perverted. But it wasn't always like this. When we worshipped the Mother Goddess, sexuality was revered and the human body was sacred.

In 1970, I came out of the masturbation closet and became the first recognized feminist to publicly re-introduce electric vibrators to women solely for their orgasmic benefits. Instantly, people became concerned that women would become addicted to vibrators or even worse, we would all turn into lesbians. While that was definitely true for some of us, a better term for "vibrator addiction" would be "sexual preference." And instead of all of us becoming lesbian, a more accurate label would be "bisexual" because many of us still liked to fuck with men. We just wanted to have partnersex on our terms which included some form of direct clitoral stimulation during intercourse. For those of us who wanted to bring our vibrators to bed, we needed to find vibrator friendly lovers. Of course there were always smart women and men who were eager to play with us.

This next fact belongs in Ripley's Believe It or Not- it wasn't until 1972 that the American Medical Association declared masturbation a normal sexual activity. Two years later In 1974, I came out as a masturbating heterosexual-bisexual-lesbian in my book Liberating Masturbation that later became Sex for One. Stringing all those sex labels together was so confusing that no one ever questioned my sexual preference to my face. But behind my back, lesbian-feminists rejected me, many straight women avoided me and the bisexual community didn't even exist at the time. Back then, a bisexual was a person who couldn't make up his or her mind so we upset both sides of the opposing gay and straight camps. Sex labels are not always a good thing. But until we accept all of the alternate sexualities, none of us will be free to be who we are. Everyone is born sexual and masturbation is the one activity that unites us all.

The final level of sexual control comes from peer pressure. Well-meaning friends warn us not to be too enthusiastic or vocal about enjoying our solitary pleasures. It's best not to discuss it openly. So for the most part, we still live in a world of closeted masturbators. Thomas Laqueur nailed it in his book, "Solitary Sex: A Cultural History of Masturbation." He says very few people today are willing to publicly defend masturbation as "a morally innocent and socially benign sexual practice." He believes this solitary pleasure is unlikely to be viewed as an unmitigated social good.

In other words, if you do defend masturbation, you will not be taken seriously in academia, or have your book about masturbation reviewed in the New York Times. Well, I say fuck the New York Times. Without any help from the established media that's become a PR machine for the GOP, my masturbation book has been in print in various forms since 1974. That's thirty years! It has sold over a million copies and has been published in fourteen languages. Every day I rejoice when I think of all the men and women who have let go of sexual guilt over masturbation.

Today, whenever I see the letters GLBT, I think it was very smart to include bisexual and transgendered people. Our community is an example of open-minded acceptance. Maybe someday GLBT will have an "S" for self-sexuals. That way Gay Pride would include all of my postmenopausal girlfriends who prefer masturbation to partnersex and my Webmaster whose sexual preference is masturbating with photos of "split beaver." We could build an even more inclusive movement with Gay-Lesbian-Bisexual-Transgendered-Selfsexual activists. Come to think of it, why not add Intersexuals and Heterosexuals too? With millions of us standing together on the barricades against sexual ignorance we become the SEX Pride movement.

This year let's celebrate Gay Pride and sexual diversity with all we've got. Now more than ever, we need an abundance of sexual pleasure to counter all the greed, arrogance and violence in the world. Join me in dedicating an orgasm a week to world peace and a return to individual rights in our pursuit of sexual happiness.