I Can't Stimulate My Clitoris

Betty Dodson's picture
Wed, 06/03/2009 - 14:00
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dear Betty,

I've been masturbating face down( laying on my stomach rubbing against mattresses, socks, pillows, blankets, etc.) since I was about 11, or as long as i can remember. The reason I originally started to masturbate this way was because i found i got nopleasure out of stimulating my clitoris. I figured I just wasn't doing it right and would learn how too later.

Recently I visited a website( healthystrokes.com) that told me it was unhealthy to masturbate face down. They said it was called TMS( Tramatic Masturbatory Syndrome) your a doctor, is this true?( the site says the disorder is most common in men, but can occur in females) I think this theory might be true because it says that the way i currently masturbate puts too much pressure on my clit, thus losing it's sensitivity. I'm really scared becasue I still find absoulutely no pleasure in rubbing my clit. I've tried everything. I even read that "First Time Orgasm" article you wrote. I'm scared because this theory (TMS) hypotheiszes that when I'm older I still won't get pleasure from my clit? I've had orgasms before, but why can't I have one when stimiulating my clit. Bottom line, I think I can't stimulate my clit, because I've been putting too much pressure on it while masturbating face down.

So I've decided to masturbate on my back using my fingers, rubbing my clit. I won't insert my fingers into my vagina because I'm still a virgin and would like to keep it that way and i won't use a vibrator because i can't get one legally. My only desperate question to you is how do I get my clit to respond to me. Must I wait a while? I've tried gently rubbing my clit to see if it would respond, it still hasn't. I've tried to give myself time to get used to this new masturbating method. Do I have to wait months for my clitoris to regain sensitvity? Or should I try touching it everyday even though I feel ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. I may be aroused and wet, but my clit does nothing? One more thing, does masturbation cause you to have a loose vagina when you get older. Do girls who abstain from masturbation have generally tighter vagina's? Please offer me advice, I'm stuck!

Signed a confused young girl

Dear SB,

My dear girl what you suspect about Traumatic Masturbatory Syndrome (TMS) is not your problem. It primarily applies to men. One young man I know personally had to practice for a year before he could masturbate by hand, but it eventually worked. In all my years as a clinical sexologist, (I'm not a medical doctor) I have seen many women who masturbate on their tummies. Their complaint was that it didn't translate well into having sex with a partner. Since you are still a virgin in your early teens, now is a good time to roll over and continue to practice until your clitty does respond. Be sure to use some kind of clean massage oil with no chemicals or perfume. During your transition period, it's okay to go back to old faithful ocasionally so you can still enjoy an orgasm from time to time. Be patient. When you say, "I've had orgasms before, but why can't I have one when stimiulating my clit?" What were you doing then? Whether It takes several months or years, it's worth your time and effort.

Also using your fingers to explore your vagina now is a good idea. Masturbation will not make your vaginal barrel tighter or looser. That's the pelvic floor muscle. Read the info that goes with my Vaginal Barbell and discover your PC muscle. (To locate it stop the flow of urine a few times.) Instead of waiting until your boyfriend tries to get his penis inside which can be painful and embarassing for both of you, it's better to be prepared by taking charge of your own vaginal penetration now. This will not interfere with your virginity which means different things to different people. It's your sex organ not his, or your parents, nor does it belong to your church. It is all yours. Continue with the mirror work I recommend in First Orgasm. The more you love your vulva and your body, the happier your sexlife will be. Now stop worrying and enjoy your beautiful young life.

Dr. Betty

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me too

Sat, 06/13/2009 - 13:10
Anonymous User (not verified)

well i have the same problem. im 18 years old and have been sexually active since i was 15. when i have sexual intercorse i dont feel any pleasure. when i receive oral sex i dont feel any pleasure. and like the girl above i rub my clit and no pleasure.only time i really felt something was when i would rub on ah pillow. but it takes really long!!!!! i get fustrated. i've talked to a gynocologist and they told me to try new positions. i did all the position there is on the book. still nothing. i do see that i dont get wet enough and sometimes have to use lubricant.(only used it a couple of times. it was kindda sticky. which one would be best to use) well im also desperate. =) because im tired of faking all the damn time. ugh! can someone help me. please.

How do I orgasm manually and how can I teach my boyfriend..?

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 12:46
Unsure 15 year old (not verified)

I have somewhat the same problem... You see, my first orgasm was August 13th, 2011, so I'm still REALLY new to this. I've only ever orgasmed from my vibrator, and I'd really like to learn how to make myself cum from using my fingers, but I don't know how...
I don't know much about my body, and I'm not sure how I can learn more about I. Are there any exercises that you would suggest?
And my boyfriend and I are really good together, buthe can't make me cum. Him and I are both new to this, and we have NO problem whatsoever arousing eachother, but he can't make me cum. Is it because I'm only accustomed to a vibrator? Should I stop for a few months to regain sensitivity?
I'm sorry if I'm not posting correctly. I was desperate to find some answers and stumbled across this website.

PLEASE help me,
Confused 15 year old Girl

Dear Confused girl.

Betty Dodson's picture
Fri, 03/09/2012 - 16:58

Go back to the website and read the information that's available. Or if you are still desperate for a direct anwswer, then go to Ask Dr.Betty and ask your question again but after you have read a few of my answers already posted.

I don't know were my clitoris

Wed, 06/27/2012 - 22:55
Anonymous1 (not verified)

I don't know were my clitoris is and i wanna figure out how to stimulate it without finding it. I never hit a orgasm before. When I try I almost reach it (pee feeling,tingly, hot,weak) but then I won't hit it and I eventually just stop. Maybe it's because I get weak and lose the momentum that was building up and get tired or something idk but right when I'm about to hit it I feel guilty and sick.

cant masturbate properly

Mon, 07/02/2012 - 16:57
katie123 (not verified)

Dear betty,
Im 14 years old and i can still only masturbate by lying on my tummy. When i try to rub my clit I do feel something but ive tried for ages and i dont get any pleasure. Also when i put my finger into my vagina and try to masturbate that way, i feel absolutly nothing at all. Everyone else at my age can masturbate using their fingers and I cant. I dont know what to do and I dont feel normal.


Tue, 03/04/2014 - 12:17
sad (not verified)

Hi Betty,  I'm 51 I have leukemia CML. And I have notice my clit has gotten small. And it's hard to have a orgasm. I have to use a vibrator. I have asked my Doctors and they say it could be menopause. Some one said it could be that the chemo is making my clit shrink,because it eat your tissues. My nose has shrunk but they all think I'm crazy.  So maybe with your help I can find out my questions.
Thank you

I have the same problem, I'm

Wed, 10/08/2014 - 15:57
Jean (not verified)

I have the same problem, I'm 13 and I've tried penetration and clitoral stimulation and I feel no pleasure. I do get wet though. I've never had an orgasm before. Is there something wrong with me?

Young Girls...you have plenty of time! :)

Thu, 10/09/2014 - 13:34

IMHO - To the younger ones who are experimenting with
masturbation, it sounds so clinical, is it any wonder that it is not working?
You are probably not cultivating a real DESIRE yet for sex and just 'knocking around
the store" to see what's on sale down there. I would not get into
masturbation until you are fully developed sexually in the head as well as the
body. When those two meet and you really feel sexual desire and need, THEN try out
masturbation…trust me, it will work. Right now at 13 and maybe 14, I'd
concentrate on growing up to be a sex positive and powerful woman, knowing who
you are mentally, have a strong self esteem and character, and be major influence
for those to admire. J

Dear ORS, I've mastubated

Thu, 10/09/2014 - 21:30
Anonymous Lupe (not verified)

Dear ORS, I've mastubated since age 5, maybe earlier, though I had no idea it was anything to do with sex. I just knew it felt nice and that I liked it. I think that masturbating is part of the way of becoming fully sexually developed as you say and not the other way round.
As for you, young girls, my advice would be to keep practicing but don't get too anxious about it, just let it flow. Follow Betty's recommendation. Jean, there's nothing wrong with you, you are just learning!

Only works for a while

Sun, 10/12/2014 - 18:53
anon987654321 (not verified)

When I rub my clitoris, it gets stimulated and feels great, but then it just doesn't work after a while. Like, I rub it for a minute or so and afterwards, if I keep rubbing--I don't feel a thing anymore, no pleasure. Am I doing it wrong?

I have the same problem I get

Fri, 01/02/2015 - 04:44
CM (not verified)

I have the same problem I get no pleasure from literally nothing I'm 18 and I've been sexually active since I was 15 . I've tried many positions and stuff with my boyfriend also oral and i don't feel anything. When I do it I am btw emotionally aroused and feel as if I want it. But when we actually do it physically theirs no sensation at all. And I'm also tired of faking it two, I just want to he normal like every other girl that enjoys sex. 

I don't know what's wrong with me...

Fri, 01/30/2015 - 21:25
Kylee michalak (not verified)

So im 12 years old and when ever I try to maturbate it only last for a couple minutes because after a little bit of putting pressure on my clit, I can't take any more. I start twitching throughout my body. I have no idea what this is. Is it an orgasm or not? Because I would like to know. Thanks if you can answer me. Please do

arg i want my sex life back!!!

Mon, 06/22/2015 - 09:17
jazz (not verified)

Hi hun I'm 22 I have two children aged 6&3 ,where has the feeling in my clit gone why? Its not pierced its been thru two normal births I can bring myself to an orgasmn aventuatlly after like liturally going hard its like there is hardly any feeling !! My partener is fantastic always wants to pleasure me and his good at it!!! But why is it that I have to fake it because my clit is reuinnneed , when I was younger I also rubbed up against things ect ... I want the feeling back I want the time my man spends down there to be felt what's rong with me

Girls and Mothers. PLEASE go to the first page of our website.

Betty Dodson's picture
Tue, 06/23/2015 - 10:29

The left hand column has all of our major topics listed. Start reading more than once. On the NAV Bar open Sex Features with even MORE information. Also read Ask Dr. Betty that will show how often I get asked the same questions. After you see the different ways I answer them, this will help you to better understand. Learning is about repetition.

Also my book Sex for One and Orgasms for Two are available from Amazon. Both have drawings that explain things more clearly. Streaming the DVD's that have images with my words will also help. I'd love to hold each of your hands and guide you through all the confusion surrounding female orgasm BUT that is impossible. So please stay with me and keep reading what has already been posted. You will succeed but it does take time and patience.

Dr. Betty

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