How Do I Tell Men What I Want in Bed?

Betty Dodson's picture
Wed, 08/13/2008 - 14:37
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hello Betty,

I am a single woman 53 from holland.. This evening i saw a programme from you on the dutch television. you are working with 3 woman from england who came to learn howe they can have an orgasm. i found you and how you work with this woman wunderful and after the program i surch for you on internet and found your internetside. i saw you also write books and now i have a question if your books are also translate in my language dutch? i am looking for a book that can help me to learrn to talk with man i sleep with what i like about sex for me it is always a bigg problem to tel what i like and what i want them to with me when i have sex.

all my life i keep silence and let them play with me in the way they want it..i feel shy to talk when i have sex and also to tel that i do not like some not think that i do things that i realy not want!!!!! ........but i want to be open and relax to say what they must do and not so passief with my

block me a lott and when i have sex with a man i never have orgasme.........when i am alone and play with myself i always have it but i want it also so much when i have sex with a man. i hope you understand my english and what i write to you. maybe you can tel me where i can found a book in my language about this and what i can do to change this problem........i saw that you wrote the book...orgasm for 2......and i think that this is a good book for english is not so good so i need a dutch translation. I hope that you can help me i send you a big greeting from Holland.


Dear ML,

Years ago there was a Dutch translation of my book "Sex for One" but it's out of print now. However, since you know what you want to do, begin by practicing alone. Look into a mirror and state your pleasure out loud about how you want to be touched. When that feels okay, the next time you are with a lover, begin with a compliment about something he does that you like.

Then go on and tell him what you would like to do. Something about how you enjoy sex with him but it would be even better if he would use some massage oil on his fingers when he touches your sensitive clitoris. Or demonstrate on his arm the amount of pressure you prefer. Turn it into a game that you can both play together. Most men appreciate any feedback they can get from us, so speak you mind. Also you can order my book "Orgasms for Two" and read it. Your English is good enough to do that. Or get a friend to read it with you, or best of all, read it with your next lover who also speaks English.

Dr. Betty