Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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Dr. Betty,

I'm 42 and divorced and have been sexually inhibited most of my adult life. I'm in a new relationship with a wonderful partner and he's asking for more participation from me. I'm very quiet, not much sound at all, even when I do have an orgasm. He wants a little bit of "conversation" during sex and I'm also very shy about that. I love him, I want him to be happy and I really would like to do the things he's asking me to do. How do I get around my inhibitions? Also, I've never, ever had an orgasm during intercourse, only with stimulation of my clitoris. Is this something that's wrong with me? Am I doing something wrong?

Tara

Dear Tara,

It seems I answer this very same question hundreds of times: All orgasms are centered in the clitoris and separating clitoral vs. vaginal is incorrect and non-productive. Its our society's definition of sex that's all wrong. So what if a few women can climax from fucking only? The majority of us need some form of direct clitoral stimulation at the same time. The clitoris is our primary sex organ. The vagina is the birth canal with les nerve endings which for most of us means it's a secondary form of sexual stimulation.

Follow the directions in my book "Orgasms for Two" and you will discover that combining clitoral stimulation with penetration will give both you and your partner lots of good feelings including an orgasm for you. I even have drawings that show how to combine a vibrator with partnersex. As for learning to make sounds and do hot talk, practice alone when you are masturbating. It takes a while to break through the sound barrier. Meanwhile tell your new lover that you're working on it. For now, he can do all the talking which guys love anyway. You're doing great. Enjoy yourself and your new lover.

Betty