Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross
Better Orgasms. Better World.
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Betty's Vaginal Barbell |
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My Romantic Love Wars: A Sexual Memoir - EBOOK EDITION |
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Betty Dodson's Bodysex Workshop DVD |
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Betty Dodson Liberating women one orgasm at a time |
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Carlin Ross Sex, Politics & More Sex |
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Eric Amaranth Sex life coaching, real life erotica, and wellness |
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Lawrence Lanoff Reality Hacker. Sex Educator. Geek. |
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Liandra Dahl Sex Documentarian |
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LilithLand Women, Sex, Culture & Relationships |
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cajun sausage Lovin' Dr. Betty since 1996! |
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Christina Cicchelli Professional Pervert |
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Danny Wylde Male. Libra. Whore |
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Dr. Lulu History & the Material Culture of Sex |
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Emily and Ju Queer love |
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Eric Francis Astrology & Adventure |
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Jenn Parenthood. With Cursing |
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Jessica Kramer Liberating Birth |
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jexhibitionism |
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Kasini Poet. Educator. Catalyst. Mother. |
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LesleyS Redefining my sexual self after babies. |
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Logan Levkoff sexologist, sex educator, intellisexual, author, mom |
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Marisa Black Finding room for all of me |
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Marylou Naccarato Learn how to raise your level of “Sexability” |
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Palesa Art + Sex + Media + Empowerment |
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Princess What would my mother say? |
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Solo Sexualist |
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VirginMonoblogger Thought all virgins were the same? Think again. |
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WildOrchid A selfsexual, toy loving, possibly bisexual total virgin |
Dear Betty,
I am a twenty-two year old virgin with severe rheumatoid arthritis. I've had a boyfriend now for a year, and though we have engaged in quite a lot of sexual activity, he is afraid that having sex with me will hurt me even more. I have extremely limited mobility in my left hip and right knee, and only so much stamina, but I love him and I want to try it. Even if it affects me poorly afterwards I'm still willing. Do you have any suggestions about what position might be the least likely to cause problems, and perhaps put my boyfriend at ease about hurting me?
Sincerely,
D
Dear D,
If you've never masturbated, now would be the time to learn about self-pleasuring. You want to discover what feels good in terms of clitoral stimulation and to locate your PC muscle so you can prepare your vagina for penetration. The most popular idea of partnersex is a penis going into a vagina. You can begin with an over all genital massage using massage oil and after some clitoral stimulation, slowly penetrate your vagina with your own finger while you squeeze and release you PC muscle. Breathe outloud.
Just remember that there are many ways for couples to enjoy each other without the standard image of man-on-top fucking. Oral sex is usually one of the best ways for women to get adequate clitoral sensation in partnersex. For that treat, all you have to do is lay comfortably on your back. You can support your difficult side and let with pillows. I suggest you get my book "Orgasms for Two" that's full of information as well as positions that work for women who want to use vibrators for clitoral stimulation during intercourse.
I agree with you, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Just go slow, share what you are feeling at all times to reassure your boyfriend that you're okay. Keep it playful and have fun experimenting.
Betty
My partner has severe Rheumatoid Arthritis.
We have been together for 14 years now. She had RA when we met so I knew the difficulties before we started. She has a severe anxiety disorder as well as Sjogrens syndrome. We talk about everything, her needs and mine. We once went for over three years without sex. Our average is once or twice a year. I am as supportive as I know how, I masterbate with her knowlege. She even told me to take a lover, but that would take away my emotional attachement to her and I refuse to even consider this option.
I am now, also disabled ( Diseminated Valley Fever, chronic kidney stones and high blood pressure. ) So my mobility is less then great. With my high blood pressure, multiple surgerys on my arms and legs, I have the desire but sometimes not the ability to achieve penetration to completion.
I can and do get erections when I masterbate, but it seems that when we try to get intimate, I quickly lose the erection. I feel I have a phobia about causing her pain. This causes increased frustration and increased inability. We have tried various positions that allows my penis penetration, but as I am only average in length, this is unsatisfying for the most part. Whenever I try manual stimulation she pulls away, same for oral. I am afraid she is just not a sexual person. She has vibes and masterbates to orgasm, but she never wants to have sex. She is ok talking about it, just not doing it.
Obviously, after this long I am not about to abandon her for an affair. I truly love her and I feel she feels the same about me. We are best friends and are very comfortable with each other, laughing often about life and the world around us. She is 45 and I am 44. She is 5'3" and less the 100 pounds, while I am 5'8" and overweight at 250 pounds. ( It is hard to lose weight when exercise causes considerable pain. ) We were legally married, then got divorced for financial reasons ( SSI & SSDI have a limit on the money they allow a married couple, so as untasteful as a divorce is. it was our only option. )
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