How Can I Get My Wife to Masturbate?

Betty Dodson's picture
Fri, 12/19/2008 - 09:30
Submitted by Betty Dodson

For many years my wife experienced almost zero orgasims. Finally, after both of us making an effort to become better educated including my increased interest to plese her, we learned and "I" started practicing stimulation of the clitoris. While it worked, it took quite awhile to accomplish. I mentioned I started practicing because she has these major "hang ups" about stimulating herself. She still feels it's work for her to physically touch herself, and, very seldom is she willing to masturbate me.

Much of this sties from her very religious upbringing. A major breakthrough came a couple years ago when I convinced her that we needed to purchase a toy to assist me in stimulating her. Anyway, the toy selected was a Magic Wand. Since this purchase, she has experienced orgasims, many multiple, like she's never experienced before and feels so much better afterward, i.e. headaches and stress are gone.

The problem, as I see it, is she still will not pleasure herself on her own. She still has inhibitions regarding doing this although last evening she admitted she's thought about it and would like to but just can't bring herself to do it. After all, she says, what if I were to walk in on her. While I try to explain how ridiculous that is since we do it together with the wand she still thinks it's just not right. She still refuses to touch herself physically with her own fingers even though she's never had a problem with me masturbating in front of her and actually admits she does enjoy watching.

Also, about a year ago she admitted she gets "turned on" when hearing that four letter word for making love. When discovering this, we started including it in our love making and experienced some of the greatest times we've had and then she decided that it just wasn't right and that it was cheapening the act. Last night I tried to convince her there's nothing wrong with this since it's just between us. I know I would love to get back to that level. Anyway, I'm rambling, but thought I'd seek your suggestions as to how to convince her to start self-pleasuring for both our best interests and maybe get back to not being inhibitited abount certain language "turn ons."

My Dear Man, you have the patience of a saint.

All of your sexual problems stem from the damage done by organized religion. When are we going to learn just how devastating these negative messages are to millions of people who are unable to enjoy any bodily pleasures once they've been indoctrinated. When pleasure is blocked, it will result in some kind of violence like the evangelical Christians and Muslims who are willing to destroy one another fighting over whose God is the mightiest. Or it ends up destroying a person's
ability to ever enjoy sex with the person they love. You have done much to help your wife and I loved hearing about the advantages of the Magic Wand. Magic indeed! As for getting her to use hot talk, I have no suggestions other than to use one from time to time. Given her degree of inhibitions, I'd say you've done very well. Congratulations on creating a decent sex life for both of you under very difficult circumstances.

Dr. Betty


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