Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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I am a man in his 50's. My 25 year old daughter has just moved back in with us after a bad split with her long term boyfriend. No problem there, but the other week, I was trying to tidy the house and found a porn magazine called Fiesta under a pile of magazines on her bedroom floor, at first I thought it was odd that she would have a "girlie" magazine, until I looked through it and saw a full spread of HER, leaving nothing to the imagination. I knew she had done some modelling, but was unaware that it was this kind of thing. I was so angry, then when my anger passed, I found myself becoming aroused whilst looking at her, to the point I went to the bathroom and masturbated over her images. I felt remorse as soon as I had done so. I am so confused over this whole issue, she is my daughter for christ sake and when she is here, I don't and never have looked or felt about her in that way.

What the hell is wrong with me. Help please.

Dear Dad,

Welcome to more sexual openness through porn that most enlightened people support. The good news is that you didn't condemn your daughter for posing nude in a magazine. Instead you are condemning yourself for responding sexually to the pictures. Let me remind you that it was a provocative photo that turned you on which is NOT the same thing as actually having sex with your daughter. Nothing is wrong with you other than pumping some healthy testosterone and responding to your sex drive that is hardwired.

The guilt you feel now doesn't solve anything. It will only harm you and the relationship you have with your daughter. Instead, I suggest you see this as an episode of masturbation with an incest fantasy. This is quite common although rarely discussed. I always remind people that we play all the roles in our fantasies. So you are not only the Father, but the Daughter who posed, as well as the Photographer who took the photo and the Consumer who responded to it.

Fantasy is at the heart of the creative impulse. We need to separate our fantasies from reality in order to keep the moral police from controlling our ability to imagine the unimaginable. Like it or not, parents and children have sexual feelings toward one another, it's perfectly normal. The way most societies deal with this is through the incest taboo aimed at avoiding inbreeding that weakens or eventually destroys a lineage. No one has been harmed by this if you let go of your guilt feelings. So forgive yourself and get on with your life.

Dr. Betty