Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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I am 27 and getting a bit desperate here. I have never had an orgasm ever, not while having sex with a partner, not while masturbating, not ever. It is getting somewhat frustrating, especially since, as I get older, the men whom I sleep with seem more concerned/disappointed about it.

I think I enjoy sex--it feels good, it feels like it is building to a point, and then it suddenly feels like I do not want to be touched ANYMORE at all, like anything further feels like it'd be too much. I have been informed by someone I trust that this feeling is not an orgasm--if this is not the case, then orgasms are really not that exciting.  So, what to do? As I have alluded to, the men whom I have sex with seem quite keen for me to have an orgasm and are always trying new things, but nothing seems to make any difference. I hate this because I feel so self conscious...I just want to be able to come like a normal person. The standard articles on these matters just say, oh, have the man take his time and tell him to do what you like. The men are always willing to take their time and do what I like, but it doesn't help. Please give me some tips...

Dear Cally,

It's really up to you to discover, uncover and develop your own orgasms. Instead of hoping the next lover will find the magic place, or perfect stroke, or special technique to get you off,  find it for yourself. That means having an intense love affair with yourself. Once you begin to enjoy orgasms with yourself, you will have something to share with a partner. Unfortunately the g-spot craze has re-instated the vaginal orgasm as "normal" or "popular" so make sure you understand the anatomy of your vulva. The clitoris is our primary organ for sexual pleasure. Go to First Time Orgasm on my website. All the information you need to get started is there. Then let me hear back from you about your first orgasm.