Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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Hi, Dr. Betty.

Here's my dilemma. I'm 38 years old and I can orgasm by myself, but not with a partner. I've been able to achieve orgasm for over 25 years, but only through a weird, indirect, cross-my-legs-and-hold-it-tight-until-I-come masturbation method. For years I've tried using vibrators, to no avail. My last boyfriend was willing to perform oral sex, but after awhile my clit became so sensitive that I didn't enjoy it anymore, and I was nowhere near orgasm. I get very turned on when dry humping (sorry for the crude term), and almost come from that alone, but during sex or any kind of direct clitoral stimulation, I can't orgasm. It's very frustrating for me and for my sex partners. It played a big part in the demise of my last relationship. Do you have any advice?

Dear Diana,

You have a sex organ that's too sensitive to play with which is no fun! However, I've had this problem presented to me many times before. Check out "First Time Orgasm" on the website and follow my suggested steps.

It will take time and patience but you will eventually get your clitoris to accept a more direct form of touch. It's up to you, not a partner to achieve this. You'll begin by watching yourself in a mirror while you do a genital massage that includes you clitoris with a nice clean massage oil like my Sliquid Organics Natural Lube . After 15 or 20 minutes, you can have an orgasm with old faithful by using pressure. Each session will bring your clitoris closer to liking a more direct form of contact. Keep me posted,

Dr. Betty