Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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Hi Betty!

I am 20 years old and I just started masturbating about 4 months ago. I was always kind of nervous to look at myself or touch myself, but I tried it for the first time about 4 months ago. I usually give it like, 2 minutes with my hand...or 5-10 minutes with a vibrator and it does feel good, but I don't have the big orgasm that I'm waiting for. My libido is extremely low, I'm never in the mood, I just do it when I'm bored and I usually try to hurry up and get to the orgasm part but it never happens.

Could something be wrong with me? I'm still a virgin and everything, so I don't have any sexual experience with a partner. I really want to try seeing what an orgasm feels like, but it never comes. I asked my sister and she said that maybe I need to take more time and not view the orgasm as my ultimate goal with masturbating. I have used some pretty decent toys (Hitachi magic wand, and a bullet vibrator) but after 5-10 minutes, I get really discouraged and just stop. I have actually cried over this because I feel like there is something wrong with me, so any advice or suggestions would be so appreciated.

Thanks, Betty!

-A

Dear A,

Your sister gave you some good advice: Stop making orgasm a goal. When you say, "I just do it when I'm bored and I usually try to hurry up and get to the orgasm part but it never happens" I read that as being a lousy lover for yourself. You have turned orgasm into some kind of a test that you're sure to fail with your current attitude. You need to slow down, take more time. Give yourself several months to a year to learn about your body. C'mon girl. Be more creative, playful and self-loving!

Dr. Betty