Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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I'm 38, married but my husband travels a lot and our sex life is fair but infrequent. I have young kids at home but enjoy some self-loving a few times a week. It helps take the edge off in so many ways. I've read your book and follow your tips - they help a lot. But often, after I've had my first and small orgasm using the magic wand, I back off a little, then get back into it. Then I reach a point where I get completely frustrated. I try to temper it but it's difficult, and seems to be preventing me from having a second.

The best way I can describe it - I start to get all hot and bothered again, enjoy the sensation, and then I really really really want to have the release. It's worse than before the first orgasm. It's all I can think about. If I turn up the wand, that's pretty much over - no orgasm, and then just disappointment. I try to ride through it, but it just gets worse. Am I doing something wrong? I'm relatively new to all of this, having just become orgasmic in the past six months, and only with the wand. I have other toys, but they do squat for me. I got some money as a gift last month and have been thinking about getting the ossilating vibrator, because I wonder if I'm over-vibrating? But I'm at a total loss.

Please help - I hate having "blue balls!"

Dear B,

Go to the essay "First Orgasm" and read down to where I discuss the best use of the Magic Wand. I suspect you are bearing down too firmly and your clit won't respond because she's under attack from a BIG machine. You need to back off and have a fantasy and breathe while you rock your pelvis and use your PC muscle.

Also read my info under Betty's Vaginal Barbell that explains how to exercise the pelvic floor muscles. Since you are farily new to all this, give yourself some time to smooth out your process. One thing about orgasm is that we can't force it by wanting it to happen NOW! Otherwise you are doing great.

Dr. Betty