Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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Dear Betty,

I used to have a very hard time orgasiming at all, but after seeing a sex therapist once who explained the root of the problem and a few year of due dilligence, I have cured my issue and can cum by myself or with a man. But now I have been seeing this man who I care for very much who mostly has a very difficult time coming in bed with me (but not on his own). He says it's always been like that with women. I want to help him overcome this phycological hinderance, but he's pretty much given up hope and doesn't know why he is like this. Still, he sometimes gets very frustrated about this, so I know it bothers him.

The only time he can come easily is if we watch porn (which I like doing). I haven't watched regularly with him because I'm worried it may become a crutch for him, and he may only be able to cum during porn if we use it regularly. I remember reading reading that women can become addicted to vibrators if used to much to incite orgasm. There was diffinitely a phase in my life when that that was true, but then I got over it. Can this happen with my man and porn if I use it to help him with his orgasm problem? If this is true, what can I do to help him as he WILL NOT see a therapist, which is what I suggested as it worked so wonderfully for me.

Dear R,

I always question the concept of addiction when it comes to sex. A better word would be sexual preference. given this sex negative society of ours, anyway...anyone that can get off is ok by me. Now there is a possiblity of improving our sexual skills. And in that process we can always go back to "old faithful" until we get the new skill in place.

I would caution you about becoming his sex therapist and continue to enjoy whatever is happening now. If it turns out that he needs to look at porn in order to have his orgasm, be flexible. There's no one right way to have an orgasm. I suggest you get my book Orgasms for Two and check out all the variations on sharing orgasms with your lover.

Dr. Betty