Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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Dr. Betty-

Per your suggestion, I've started seeing a therapist. Over the course of only two sessions, I'm pretty sure my fear of intimacy stems from a self-esteem issue. However, one thing I didn't mention in my first email is that a few years ago, I contracted herpes (simplex 1) from an ex-boyfriend while receiving oral sex.

One side of me says:

I was very satisfied living a life of "jumping from rock to rock" until this happened. Now that I have an incurable STD, I don't feel it's possible to continue my bachelorette lifestyle w/o having to repeatedly divulge sensitive/incriminating information to various strangers---which of course, would probably scare them all away---and thus, would leave me sexless and emotionally damaged. However, I was not ready to give up this way of living. I feel like it was prematurely forced on me and now I'm having to submit to a life of monogamy because of it.

The other side says:

But the person I'm with is a truly good and decent human being. I should be grateful and lucky to have such a dedicated, honest, attractive partner. I was madly in love with him when we first got together, so what the heck gives now?

So to sum it up:

* I enjoyed sex with multiple partners (male and female).
* I got an STD and was planning a life of celibacy when I met my current boyfriend.
* Everything seemed great until I started getting weird in the bedroom and started to not be able to have sex w/o crying or feeling bored/irritated/uninterested.
* I secretly sometimes fantasize about fucking guy friends or co-workers; I'm turned on when masturbating about women too.
* I feel a nagging sense that I want this relationship to work, but I feel different than most girls in the fact that I do not require a Norman Rockwell-esque life.

Granted, this is something I'm working on with my therapist---but as you know, that can take time. A lot of time. What are your thoughts on the matter? I would really appreciate your opinion...

Thanks again,
M

Dear MN,

Don't sweat it girlfriend, you're doing great. As for Herpes, eventually it will be like the common cold that everyone has had. We all carry the virus. For me, that just means you don't have partnersex when you have an active outbreak. You are very young at 29 and I'm sure at some point you will be less self-absorbed when you discover another kind of passionate pursuit other than sex. Meanwhile, the inner journey of therapy can be fascinating as well as informative and healing. Enjoy all your new insights.

Dr. Betty