Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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Hi Betty and Carlin,

First off I'd like to thank you for awesomeness. I've just discovered your site and found it educational and informative but most importantly not scary! I'm a 24-year-old female in a long term relationship with a 23-year-old male. Our sex life is pretty great except he is not keen on giving me oral sex.

I'm into giving him head and do so as part of foreplay almost every time we have sex, however he goes down on me maybe once every two - three months if I am lucky. I have spoken to him about this before and he has indicated that he doesn't like doing it. I feel like he's worried about his own performance and sometimes like he's put off by my vagina. He is good at it, but on those infrequent occasions all I get is a few licks and
I am left feeling unsatisfied.

I am loathe to put my hand on his head and force him down there but other than doing that I feel like I am stuck only getting a face in my crotch once in a blue moon. He satisfies me in all other ways - so much that I'm almost smug about it! - but this is a big problem for me. I don't know how to solve his problems with going down so I can solve my own problem about not being gone down on.

Please help! Apologies if this is a bit garbled, and I look forward to your response.

A

Dear A,

Your best bet would be to accept him just the way he is and enjoy the sex you are sharing. Personally, I'd stop giving him head if he refuses to reciprocate. You might want to check out your vaginal scent by putting your finger inside, circling it around and then smelling and tasting yourself. If it's acceptable to you then do this in front of him. Ask for specific reasons why he is repulsed by your vulva which is a thing of great power, beauty and pleasure. If oral sex is important enough to you, it might make sense to get a second lover who knows how to properly worship the divine vulva.

Dr. Betty