Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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I'm especially grateful for every precious bit of life I've enjoyed these past 12 months amidst the insanity of war and human suffering around the world. In the process of counting my blessings, I went back over my 2004 month-at-a-glance calendar. The first thing that struck me was how much I'd already forgotten. Last January I was in New Jersey at Rutgers University lecturing for sex week. February, it was Yale's sex week. Then in March I was off to LA for a week to show slides of my sex art to the RAWW (Radical And Wild Women) that hold monthly meetings with invited speakers. I'm crazy about these lesbians and bisexual women who are exploring edge play in the SM scene. Their logo reads, "Shut up and play." Now tell me, is that a group of women you could love or what?

In contrast to RAWW, Judy Levy at the Love Boutique had a nicely attended lecture set up for me with a more New Age crowd. Next it was a book signing at Kim Air's new Grand Opening store in LA but no one showed up except two of my friends. Don't know if that was because no one was interested in me or her store. To wrap up my trip, Stella Resnick and her husband Allan Kishbaugh threw a big party in my honor and I got to hang out with my favorite LA friends that are like my West Coast family.

In April, Deirdre Fishel's new documentary "Still Doing It" was screened at the Museum for Radio and Television. It's about an invisible population of women 65 and over who are sexually active. Originally, I was going to be one of the experts, but after we shot some footage, I got shifted over to being one of Deirdre's subjects. Because I was the only woman with a much younger boyfriend, I was able to make a significant contribution. It's a great documentary and of course, none of the big corporations wanted to touch it. After HBO, Showtime, Oxygen, and Lifetime turned it down, the NY Times Discovery Channel finally took it. Watch out, all you conservative media moguls, the postmenopausal Baby Boomers are not likely to take being invisible without a fight.

Also in April I gave a talk to the women at Columbia for their Sexhibition Week. These lively young women were very receptive to my ideas on how to create more sexual pleasure in their lives. In May I began production on my next video with Marianna Beck and Jack Hafferkamp, the former publishers of Libido: The Journal of Sex and Sensibility. They are now Libido Films. My idea was to shoot an entire Sex Coaching Session showing my current method of teaching women about orgasm. Jack and Marianna were working two cameras, Eric was the production assistant and I was the producer. I don't work with a script so I figured I'd end up with one good example by running four complete sessions with different women. It was marathon teaching.

To make sure viewers don't think there is one kind of orgasm, I put out a call for women to come masturbate for me with their current technique and favorite sex toys. No input from me, just their own sweet sexual selves. That way I could show a variety of women's sexual responses. I always worry about creating a model of the ideal orgasm. The truth is there is no such thing as a bad orgasm. It's just that some are better than others. So I figured if I cut in at least five different orgasms from mild to intense along with the one my client has during coaching, I would avoid the Meg Ryan scene in the restaurant where the woman says, "I'll have what she's having."

The casting call got passed around and the phone started ringing. After scheduling 15 women with more waiting in line, our five day shoot turned into ten as we worked day and night. The video's working title is Certified Orgasmic: Women's Sex Coaching with Betty Dodson. After my main client climaxes for the fourth time (a really big one) I laid my hands on her torso and said, "I certify you fully orgasmic." I often say that to my clients. Meanwhile she's delighted to know she's been coming all along but couldn't identify her small orgasms as the real thing. Now her orgasms will grow even bigger and better.

The footage of the masturbating women was so good that we are editing a second tape. The working title for this one is Getting Off: Fifteen Women Celebrate Masturbation. Both of the new videos will be out in the spring. In the middle of the production, I managed to squeeze in an evening to sign my book Orgasms for Two at Toys in Babeland in their new SoHo store. I owe a big debt of gratitude to the many bold women working at Babeland for showing me and my camera people how much they enjoy masturbation. Thanks to all the true Blue Babes!

In June I went to the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco to teach students my method of Sex Coaching. The Institute is considering some kind of certification for people wanting to do hands-on sexuality training for adults. Today women and men doing hands-on sex teaching are called Surrogate Partners, Tantra Practitioners, Sexual Healers and recently, Sex Coaches. I continue to believe hands-on teaching is by far the most affective. No one ever learned how to dance by talking about it. We learn by doing.

My trip to San Francisco was during Gay Pride so I got to be in the parade with the fabulous women at Good Vibrations. My friend Carol Queen walked ahead of the Good Vibes flat bed truck that had eight experts doing Japanese precision drumming. I was riding in the cab of the truck next to a woman driver with both of us grinning from ear to ear reverberating with every beat. Gay Pride is one of my favorite celebrations because sexual diversity is so dear to my heart. All of the wonderful women selling sex toys in sex shops across America are on the front lines of sex education as they explain, advise, and inform their customers.

The entire month of August was spent on vacation. What a luxury. I was outside a pretty little town called Fish Creek in the upper peninsula of Wisconsin. I've already written up my birthday month and it was posted on the website. On my way home in mid September I stopped off in Chicago to do more editing with Jack on both of the new videos. In October, I gave a couple of lectures with Dr. Barbara Bartlik; one at the Javits Center and another at the Cornell University Hospital Wellness Series.

November arrived and after donating time and money to the grassroots movement of moveon.org, I was sure Kerry would win. I still think he did win. In the past I understood very little about politics. Now I feel I know too much. Friends tell me government has always been corrupt like this, but I don't believe them. My webmaster Grant and I have decided to avoid politics on the site and to stay with our main theme of sex. After all, sex may be the most political subject of all. In the meantime, I've had to bite my tongue to keep from ranting about our current government that seems determined to take us back to a more sexually repressed time than the fifties when I came of age.

I've always been a Democrat. The idea of political and social equality for all people is a beautiful concept. However, I'm painfully aware that democracy is not a fact of life but rather a work in progress. Political equality means anyone can run for public office, but today that takes money. Democracy also means that every vote counts, but this hasn't happened in every election especially the last two presidential elections. Social equality means equal opportunity for all, but the best opportunities go to men and women with privileges of wealth and family. Sexual equality has yet to be defined.

My idea of equal sexual opportunity would allow heterosexual, bisexual, transgender and intersexual men and women to choose the kind of sex they want with the ability to change and grow as they matured. Today we force everyone into a "one size fits all" monogamous marriage between a man and a woman. That leaves out a big portion of the population of heterosexual couples living together but not married, same sex couples who want to get married, divorced people who chose to remain single and couples who have open sexual relationships instead of practicing monogamy. Sexual diversity is what I'd call democratic sex.

Halfway through November while I was still depressed over the election, Eric and I flew down to Virginia to visit his parents in the heart of Bushland. It was the first time I'd be meeting his dad who was expecting an older woman that acted her age. The first evening, when he came through the door, I jumped up, grabbed him in a big bear hug and squealed, "Daddy's home!" in my best kid's voice. Eric's farther is a big man, 6 foot 4 inches tall. Reaching up, I took hold of his face and turned it for a profile and said, "I think your son might be a bit better looking than you." We were instant friends. He then said I looked a lot younger than the pictures he'd seen of me.

Eric's mom and I had elready become buddies. The more we talk sex, the closer we get and the more we laugh together. We now refer to each other as mother and daughter-in-law. It was fun to see their rambling house that was built by Eric's granddad perched up on a hill surrounded by a huge plot of land. His mom has flower gardens planted everywhere and she keeps the grounds looking beautiful. She also packs heat while riding her bicycle on the back trails of the Appalachians.

Back in NYC, we celebrated Thanksgiving at Bob and John's with many of the gay men I shared a house with on Fire Island back in the eighties. It's become a tradition. The dinner is always magnificent and since they live close to Grant, Eric and I take a plate of food from Bob and John's party to him. Last December Grant was in the hospital undergoing surgery where they removed a couple of feet of his small intestine. For a while it was touch and go. Christmas day, Grant and his friend Kenya came for dinner. After losing several old friends the past couple of years, having Grant with me is even more appreciated. We've been friends since 1965.

Eric and I are becoming more like an old married couple. I love living with him. We still play our Owner and Puppy game and laugh a lot. Partnersex remains good, but instead of several times a week, I'm now satisfied with once. We still enjoy our private masturbation sessions. There was a write up in the Village Voice about our open relationship. Eric had a sex date with Rachael Kramer Bussel and she wrote about it for her column, "The Lusty Lady." Later she also interviewed me without one misquote. I got a lot of positive feedback from friends who enjoyed reading both of her articles.

Last year I started off by hiring a personal trainer twice a week and swimming two days a week. Now, if I can just get that regime going again. Maybe I can catch up with where I left off before I broke my foot last August and ended up drawing my sexual fantasies. How I adore the creative process. Whether it's drawing, painting, writing, teaching or making videos, as long as the subject is sex I'm happy. My New Year's Resolution for 2005 is to continue doing more of the same. Stay tuned.