Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

• Login
• Join

Search this site:

In 2005, I attended a fund raising dinner for the National Council Against Censorship at the Rubin Museum with my colleague and dear friend Dr. Leonore Tiefer. At the time there was an exhibition of ancient Tibetan art on the third floor. As we looked at the beautiful ornate scrolls, one described special powers bestowed on a Priestess who turned seventy-seven when the number seven was in the year. Leonore quickly calculated that would be me in a couple of years and said we definitely had to do something special. She always takes notes and this is what she recorded: March 31, 2007 at 1:30 PM. 77 years, 7 months, 7 days, 7 hours. Betty's Buddhist Celebration.

To be quite honest, I'm torn between ignoring my age while pretending I'm not getting older or celebrating each higher number with a sense of pride for all that I have experienced in my long and exciting lifetime. Each year it gets more challenging, but thus far, I have managed to celebrate. I consider this to be a badge of courage in light of our society's disdain for seniors- especially older women.

Several months ago, I emailed Leonore asking what she remembered from our visit to the Rubin Museum. My life was suddenly on a fast track and I wondered if it had anything to do with the Tibetan prophecy. She sent back more information. In Nepal the Buddhists have a ceremony that marks one's longevity and it's celebrated five times. After each one, the person is considered a god, or in my case, a goddess.

First - Bhimratharohan - At the attainment of 77 years, 7 months, 7 days Second - Chadraratharohan - At the attainment of 83 years, 4 months, 4 days Third - Devaratharohan - At the attainment of 88 years, 8 months, 8 days Fourth - Divyaratharohan - At the attainment of 99 years, 9 months, 9 days Fifth - Mahadivyaratharohan - At the attainment of 105 years, 8 months, 8 days

I emailed back and said that attaining 88 would be a piece of cake, but for the record, I was interested in going for 105 when I'd be a goddess for the last time. Then the other priestesses could cremate me with my favorite vibrator and dildo. Although I'm not a Buddhist, when it comes to organized religions I think they make the most sense. For many years I have often seen myself as a temple priestess who worships the Goddess of Sexual Love and Abundance when I meditate. This is a private spiritual practice that I seldom discuss. Meanwhile my sexlife is an open book. Wouldn't it be great if the rest of the world did the same?

When Leonore started talking logistics about planning a party to celebrate my elevation to goddess-hood, I said maybe we should forget it because I had too much on my plate preparing for a three city trip to the West Coast. She said she would handle the entire affair and all I had to do was show up. Well, that's one of those offers you can't refuse. The next day she sent out an email to our friends to save the date.

Leonore and I go back some fifteen years when I joined a monthly study group of sex educators. My friends and I agree that Leonore is brilliant. She's a well-respected academic scholar and feminist activist who challenges the pharmaceutical companies that continue to make up new diseases so they can sell more meds. Over the years, she's been one of my strongest supporters as well as an outspoken critic who often chastises me for interrupting and having a potty mouth. When this happens, I turn into a rebellious daughter who refuses to behave. As a result of our mutual admiration for one another, we have achieved the perfect balance for an enduring love/hate friendship.

One night in our study group we were talking about receiving awards. Leonore said, "I always get honored but never get paid." I said, "I never get honored but I always get paid." We both smiled knowingly. She has impeccable credentials within academia while I'm more of a maverick doing hands-on teaching that pushes the boundaries of legitimacy. None-the-less, Leonore believes my work is important and that my influence will be remembered long after I'm gone. She's also a realist who thinks it's doubtful that any of the academic organizations like SSSS, AASECT or SSTAR will ever give me an award. As a woman of action, she took it upon herself to create a fabulous gathering to honor my contribution to furthering women's sexual pleasure.

The luncheon was booked at the elegant old Friar's Club in New York City. The guest list of twenty-some women read like a Who's Who in the field of human sexuality; from highly esteemed academics and sex therapists to well-known women in the field of sex entertainment. Eighteen were able to attend. I was excited, but I didn't have a clear idea of what it would be like other than a fun luncheon with girlfriends. As it turned out, the afternoon had the feel of a birthday party and a memorial service. The birthday part was receiving so many delightful flowers, gifts and cards. The memorial part was when everyone talked about how I'd influenced or inspired their lives. All the glowing remarks like the one's I heard are usually made after a person has left the planet.

I could feel the love as I listened to what women remembered about me that included things I'd long forgotten or never knew in the first place. Dr. Judy Kurinansky, sex therapist, author, and talk-radio host was at the original NOW Sexuality Conference back in '73 when I showed my vulva slides. Mama Gena, founder of the School of Womanly Arts described the time we had dinner at the Four Seasons. When I couldn't cut my lamb chop with a dull knife, I devoured it with my bare hands demonstrating I was a woman who owned her power. Dr. Joy Davidson, writer, sex therapist and relationship counselor viewed my art slides in Seattle and raved about my talent as a fine artist. Barbara Carrellas, theatrical producer, performer and sex educator had just published her book "Urban Tantra" and said that whenever she got into a difficult spot, she channeled "Betty." Rebecca Chalker, author of "The Clitoral Truth" and adjunct professor of Women's and Gender Studies at Pace University said my contributions to the women's movement was a huge part of the book she's writing on feminist history. Judith Steinhart, senior health educator formerly of "Go Ask Alice" at Columbia University said she was thrilled to meet me in the early seventies after she read my book, "Liberating Masturbation."

Dr. Marianna Beck, author, producer and CEO of Libido Films told about her first groupsex party in my hotel room in San Francisco twelve years ago. Candida Royalle, film producer and author of "How to Tell a Naked Man What to Do" described being burned out and ready to quit when she was inspired to continue after watching my workshop film in '91. Dr. Marta Helliesen, neuroscientist and sex therapist spoke of the time when both of us were at a Body Electric workshop when I was supposed to be anonymous, but wasn't. Dr. Barbara Bartlik, psychiatrist, sex therapist and faculty member of Weill Cornell College of Medicine spoke of my generosity to help her raise funds by accepting speaking gigs. Jayme Waxman, writer, and performer met me on a television show she produced and offered to be in one of my videos. The only non-sex related friends were Amy Rosemarin, Emily Neustadt and Dr. Susan Frye, my urologist. And finally Dr. Leonore Tiefer, author of "Sex is Not a Natural Act" and associate professor of psychiatry at New York University. She was my Perle Mesta.

My appreciation and thanks go to all my friends who honored me and my work. It made up for all the times I'd been laughed at, told I was crazy, been flat-out censored or completely ignored. All that fuss just because I continue to promote masturbation as the foundation for all of human sexual activity. Now I'm looking forward to turning 88 when we can do it all over again, goddesses willing.

Leonore said it best: "Betty's GERP (Goddess Elevation Ritual Party) at the Friar's Club was a memorable success. The champagne flowed. Everyone spoke from her heart about how important and special Betty's work and friendship are. Many hilarious stories were told. The gifts and flowers were lovely. Our admiration and affection were so genuine and so rich that it was truly a spiritual experience."