Best Sex Position for My Cervix During Hard, Fast Sex?

Betty Dodson's picture
Thu, 01/15/2009 - 09:39
Submitted by Betty Dodson

HI Betty

First off I want to say that I admire your life's work. I have seen your artwork in books and I am familiar with your crusading to make our culture less prudish. Thank you for your efforts.

The question I have is as follows: My partner and now husband of 6 years has told me recently that he is not satisfied with our sex. It is not because he cannot orgasm, because he always does orgasm. He is not psychologically satisfied with our sex because he says he wants to be able to "slam" into me hard and fast. He says that he feels that he has to hold back and not loose himself in the moment. He says that this holding back is not fun for him.

When I have tried this slamming before with him, it usually results in him hitting my cervix hard which hurts very badly, causes nausea, and pretty much ends my desire to keep making love. He is a sensitive guy and gets turned off too when he hurts me in this way. He has an average size penis and my vagina is about evenly sized to his penis when erect. I am wondering if you could recommend any sexual position, or way that I can position my body that will allow him to slam into me without penetrating deeply enough to hit my cervix. I would especially appreciate any position suggestions that would allow me to touch myself as I find it difficult to orgasm from penetration alone. Thank you for your time.

Dear DG,

I dislike the slam fuck, but different strokes for different folks. Back when I was having a ton of casual sex, if I ended up with a guy that started slamming on top, I'd just partially close my legs to control the depth of his penetration with my strong thigh muscles. Or I'd climb on top and do what I liked. If he had a short dick I could go along with vigorous fucking. Otherwise I'd climb off, kiss him on the forehead and move along. Ah, yes, those days were good.

No matter how much he loves his "hard fuck" if it hurts you it's verboten. Another experiment would be making sure you are fully turned on. This takes more than a few minutes of clitty diddle with a titty massage. Ever notice after thirty minutes of fucking and he comes, you are now ready to go? Once we are truly hot, the cervix actually lifts up creating a bit more room. But you would be the one to signal when you wanted him deeper and harder, not when the desire hits him.

Get my book "Orgasms for Two" that has pics of different positions I like that incorporate a vibrator. Maybe a Tantra workshop or a talk teach session with my apprentice Eric would help. Learning how to slow down and use more subtle movements with breathing deeply would help him to get over his slam dunk porn style. By all means stand your ground. Pain is always a killer of partnersex so he has to experiment as well as you.

Dr. Betty

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Silkenvoice's picture
Sun, 01/18/2009 - 14:35

Dear DG,

While Betty has given great advice, I notice she has left an option off, quite possibly because it covers somewhat forbidden territory.

I have the same problem as you. Hard and fast vaginal sex hurts, can even make me bleed. Darn that cervix anyway! Through experimentation and exploration, I found a way to enjoy hard and fast sex -- anally.  It requires care and consideration and preparation, but on your knees, with a vibrator between your thighs and generous lubrication (I prefer cocoa butter creme for anal) it is possible not only to enjoy anal sex, and to enjoy hard and fast anal sex, but to have simultaneous clitoral and anal orgasms, which, believe me, are deliriously intense.

KR Silkenvoice

Another idea

Thu, 02/12/2009 - 23:10
Shishkani (not verified)

Betty mentioned closing her thighs sometimes to limit a man's penetration. I have found that any positions where I can hold mine together have the same effect. For example, if he kneels in front, while I lie on my back, I can place my legs together up along his body, over one of his shoulders, and with my legs together like that it limits how far he can get in. Other positions that are similar are ones like spooning, where you lie together on your sides with you facing away from him, or doggy-style where ou keep your legs together instead of apart.

The two of you should compromise. It's great that you want to help him, but if you do find something that works, don't let your sex fall into a rut where you ALWAYS do his favorite part.

One man's opinion.

Sun, 03/15/2009 - 09:42
Jeff (not verified)

I'm a forty five year old male and feel like I can help here. Firstly most Male's including myself eight out of ten times of having sex are completely satisfied with the wham bam. During my younger days my wife would be at the peak of her arousal when I was done and she would complain that it hurt and that she was not satisfied. I used to joke with her and say that it didn't hurt me and we started at the same time, I can help that I finished first. Ha ha, Well, we all know that that is pretty one sided. To solve this one sided love making my wife started to refuse penetration unless I made her orgasm first. At first this was pretty frustrating especially while being aroused for thirty to forty minutes waiting for her to orgasm. I can remember thinking this only takes me ten to fifteen minutes to complete why does it take so long for her? After months of frustration I realized that this waiting frustration was actually the key. What I was doing without penetration was the same as what I did during penetration, fast, vigorous and just trying to get the job done so I could get mine. Women are a lot different then men. They need to be touched,kissed and stimulated, use your imagination here. Once you have made a women of your choice have multiple orgasms most men will learn how truly exciting it is. The best part of this is once she is done with her orgasm you can take her in any position you want without pain and the feel of a Virgina that has just had multiple orgasms if to die for and is worth the wait. Unfortunately most men and women will probably never get to experience the true pleasures of sex because they have come to except the norm. So girls if you want a good sex life and feel the pleasure of multiple orgasms cut you men off until they perform.

Anal Sex

Sun, 03/15/2009 - 22:38
Anonymous User (not verified)

I, myself, prefer anal sex since the sphincter is so tight. I usually do not feel the same kind of tightness during regular coitus. Even though I use a condom since I prefer safe sex, the tightness that I feel around my cock feels so good. Even with a condom on I can very easily ejaculate and experience such intense pleasure. The only way I can achieve the same sensation during regular intercourse is if her kegels are so strong that they act as a "Squeeze box".

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