Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

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Let me first say that I love everything you have done for the sex-positive community. Your hard work and dedication are inspirational to me!

I seem to be having a problem which has never before arisen. I am currently dating a man with an incredibly large penis (about 9-10'' long, and about 5" around), and as a fairly petite lady, this sometimes creates some discomfort for me. After sex, my inner lips become extremely sore and swollen, to the point where they puff out from my outer lips like little balloons, and I experience general vaginal soreness for 2-3 days afterward.

Recently, one of my inner lips became stretched out to a point far longer than is usual for them, post-sex. I always make sure to be pretty well-aroused and wet before the actual deed goes down. Even still, could a lack of lube be the culprit here? Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it), my desire to have sex isn't suffering here, but my physical ability to do so without pain is affecting how often we can have sex. Currently, we have sex 2 or 3 times a week, and I'd prefer it more, but my pain sometimes prevents us from doing so. Aside from this, I sometimes feel like his penis is smacking into my cervix when we're having sex. Are the any positions you could recommend to combat this?

Thank you so much for all your help!

Sincerely, M

Dear M,

You answered your own question. In dealing with size our own vaginal lubrication is often not enough. Slather on my Sliquid Organics Natural Lube. You might also consider the possibility that you might have an allergic response to latex.

Interesting to note while most men want whopper dicks, many women prefer them to be not quite so huge. In order for you to deal with all ten inches of your boyfriend's tool, (what many would consider a high-class problem) you must talk to him. Let him know that sometimes his deep thrusts bang into your cervix. Men who have big ones, need to learn to go slow and not ram it in to the hilt, especially in doggie position where the deepest penetration can be achieved. One technique I used to control depth was to get on top and take only what I wanted. We seldom realize that for a woman to be fully aroused it takes far longer than guys. In my experience, after 15 or so minutes of sweet and slow penetration, my uterus lifts to create more space. Problem is that most men can't or don't last that long. The last I heard, the average duration of thrusting after vaginal penetration was 4 to 6 minutes. That's better than Kinsey's research in the 50's that had the average at 2 minutes. Just remember that pain or discomfort means something is wrong. So keep experimenting until you can enjoy your partnersex before, during and after a hot session.

Dr. Betty