Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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Dear Betty,

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of almost a year, and it was a relief, I must say. But during our relationship I have lost my interest in sex. I've been sexually active since I was 16, which started when my best friend and I were curious about each other. Being teenagers you want to explore and discover your body and also others. I had my first orgasm with him and I've found he is one of the only men who can pleasure me to the point of orgasm.

I have slept with lots of people and everyone hangs the term "Slut" over my head because I enjoy sex passionately and I am good at it, I have not had one complaint yet except my recent ex-boyfriend. When we started dating, my best friend did not approve of him and the tension between me, my best friend and my boyfriend became very apparent. From that moment onwards, I felt like sex became a chore for him. After about 4 months the sex became very enjoyable and I found myself getting closer to orgasm, but then he never wanted to try new things and sex became boring for me, more of a routine. I had more fun playing with myself and it got to the point where I would dread feeling his hands on my hips and caressing my body.

I later found out that my best friend told my boyfriend at the time that I was a sex addict and if he didn't sleep with me I'd leave him. Even though we have broken up and I've had numerous sexual partners, I still don't feel anything with anyone, I don't know what to do. Masturbation is still pleasurable, but I want sex to be as well. My best friend who I was regularly sleeping with hasn't even been able to make me orgasm which has never been a problem. I don't know if it's my self esteem with sex that has made me feel nothing or if there is something else. It's really frustrating me because I enjoy sex a lot, and I was recently reading a book about a sex addict and he said "Sex is recreational" which is how I feel about it and I love it. It's the best way to make yourself feel good about your body and distract your brain from everyone else that is bothering you. I want to be able to enjoy sex again, and have fun with everyone, please help me!

Thank you, xxx

Dear CL,

It's difficult to answer your question when I don't know you age and whether or not your "best friend" is a man or a woman. The idea that someone "makes us come" is false. We are all responsible for our own orgasms. As for the concept of being a sex addict, I would disagree. Addiction should be used when talking about substance abuse not a behaviour. As for being labeled a "slut" maybe it's time to accept that as a compliment. It's usually used by someone who is jealous of another person who is having more sex than they are.

Since you are happy with your masturbation and continue to enjoy it, maybe it's time to chill out with partnersex for a while. Take a break and work on your career or hobby or go back to school and take up something new. The fact that your email came in written in HTML code suggests you are not paying attention to details. I'd say stop complaining about everyone else and count your blessings.

Dr. Betty