Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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I am 27 years old, never had an orgasm. I'm married 5 years with 2 kids.

Just recently, frustrated with myself and with what I am missing, made it my number 1 priority over the next 5 weeks to work on learning how to have an orgasm through masturbation. I read your articles, plus a few books, and began working with the Magic Wand. Here's what happened. The first time- I felt nothing for about 10 minutes, but I persisted when I normaly would have stopped, and after a while I began feeling pressure and some sensual feelings. I tried rocking my hips and squeezing my thighs, all the while pressing down on my clitoris hard with the wand on Low. I felt extremely strong pressure like I needed to pee- and then a liquid came out all over the bed, which I guess was urine.

This scared me so I stopped. The next night I tried again, this time voiding my bladder fully before I started, and the same sensations returned, quicker this time, I felt like I needed to pee, but kept going and then I experienced 3 mild contractions, but the clitoris became too sensitive to the pressure from the wand and I felt pain and I stopped. The third night, I tried again, and this time I felt again 3 quick, mild contractions plus the liquid came out again.

I am happy that each night it is happening MUCH quicker and that FINALLY I am feeling "something" over the "nothing" I have felt so many years, but if those contractions ARE an orgasm, why doesn't it feel that great and why is it over so fast? And why is the clitoris so painful? Am I doing this right? I feel that I am def. "on the way there" and am so excited about that, but I think I'm still missing something. I'd be so grateful if you could help.

Thank you and thank you for your wonderful website.

A
Dear AV,

First thing! Do NOT bear down so hard on your sweet little clit with it's 8,000 nerve endings. You are just now connecting the nerve pathways from your clitoris to the pleasure center in your brain. Slow down, breathe, rock your pelvis and get in touch with your PC muscle. This is important. Consider getting my Vaginal Barbell but at least carefully read my instructions for practing your Kegel exercises.

Go back and re-read "First Time Orgasm." Read the directions again and follow them step by step. The contractions are part of your orgasmic response and the liquid is most likely pee from bearing down so hard with the vibrator. If you want to investagate "female ejaculation" do a search online. I'm not a big fan of this kind of sexual response but some women love it.

The best part about orgasm is building up to one. While you are in a hurry demanding results. Whoa girl! The actual orgasm is over in a few seconds. However if you are being sweet to your clit, after the first round of pulses or contractions, you can keep going after resting a few moment by backing off from Miss Clitty. When it comes to sexual pleasures the orgasm signals the end. Just remember that getting there is a big part of the fun. Add some patience and focus on having a more leisurely experience. How about incorporating some hot images or fantasies on your next selfloving session. I'm proud of you. It sounds like you are on your way to reclaiming your sexuality. Congratulations!

Dr. Betty

Hi. I communicated with you a few months ago (see our communication below) and I wanted to update you on my progress and ask you another question. First of all, I'm doing much better. I know exactly what I need to do to bring myself to orgasm, and using the vibrator wand I am able to do so... sometimes it even takes only 5 minutes. I don't pee anymore and I'm enjoying it way better. Sometimes I can have another orgasm too after the first one.

Here's my question- building up to the orgasm- the moments right before- definintely feels the most pleasurable to me- but as soon as the contractions start, the clitoris gets so sensitive that I have to remove the vibrator- but when I do so, the contractions immediately end. If I bring the vibrator back, they'll start up again, but I feel like I'm losing out a little because I'm "interrupting" my orgasm?

Does this make sense to you? I feel like I need either a less intense vibrator than the WAND, or to learn how to orgasm with my hands (I tried, but it doesn't happen)... etc.? Any advice?
Thank you!!!!

Hi AV,

Congratulations on coming this far so quickly. When your clit gets very sensitive simply back off by moving the vibe to one side or above, but don't stop rocking your pelvis and keep breathing. Just coast a moment until your clitoris calms down and then go back and continue. Put a sock on the head of the Magic Wand so you can last longer.
Below is what I originally said....

"The actual orgasm is over in a few seconds. However if you are being sweet to your clit, after the first round of pulses or contractions, you can keep going after resting a few moment by backing off from Miss Clitty."

You might want to experiment with the rechargeable Synergy vibrator. The softest vibe in our store is Ms. Liberte.' I doubt you will succeed with manual stimulation after having you first electric orgasm but I suggest you do a vulva massage before getting out your vibe to stay in touch.

Dr. Betty

Thanks so much for responding. I included our conversatiosn below in case you don't remember who I am. Last time I tried to have sex incorporating the vibrator. We were using the doggie position- he entering from behind, and I was on my stomach. But I couldn't get the feelings from the vibrator... usually it takes me less than 3 minutes to orgasm, but part of it was I wasn't used to the position, wasn't comfortable holding the vibrator kind of upside down and couldn't... I just couldn't get into that mode.. Any advice on incorporating what I've learned and what my body has learned into sex with my husband? Thank you!!

Also- I'd like to eventually learn how to wean off the vibrator and use my hands or better my husbands... any advice?

Dear V,

Time to get my book Orgasms for Two. I have drawings of different positions for incorporating a vibrator into partnersex. Doggie position is not on your stomach, it's more like knee chest with your butt up behind. As for weaning yourself off of the Wand, you must be willing to go through a frustrating withdrawal phase with no orgasms for a while. Coming within 3 to 5 minutes is too quick. That's like a man who is a pre-mature ejaculator. Women need 30 minutes or more to warm up before orgasm. Why are we trying to match men's patterns and why would we want it all to end so fast?

Sorry, I can't continue our conversation as my time is limited. I'll be charging for consultations online soon.

Dr. Betty