Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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I'm a healthy 23 year old woman in a great relationship with a man who is very attentive and good in bed, along with being a great partner outside of the bedroom. Unfortunately, I just don't want to have partner sex. It's been this way for months and, honestly, this has happened in almost all of my other relationships as well. Despite my disinterest in partner sex, I still masturbate on a semi-regular basis. I feel like I have a healthy outlook about sex and I know a lot about my body and what I enjoy sexually. It really bothers me so much that I'm so uninterested in something my partner is so interested in. My partner has been especially understanding and hasn't pushed me at all, but every day I feel more distressed about this situation. Is something wrong with me? Is there anything I can do?

Dear Liza,

When you say "I've lost my libido" how do you define the word libido? When was the last time you had it? Or has this always been the case? If you believe that your sex drive or sex interest should match that of your partner, then let me remind you that women and men are quite different when it comes to wanting partnersex. Do you have an orgasm or two during partnersex? Is there anything he does that really drives you crazy or annoys you? Many times I've not been interested in having sex with my partner, but after a few minutes of contact, I get involved and end up enjoying all of it. You might consider seeking some short term counseling. Perhaps you will be able to uncover what your resistance is based on. The good news is that you continue to have orgasms with yourself. Let me know what you discover.

Dr. Betty