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Why do women do this to their daughters,nieces,and other females????

mssaigon73's picture
Mon, 07/20/2009 - 20:10
Submitted by mssaigon73

I was so pissed off when I witnessed my mother crush my little 11 year old cousins ego. I have always had issues with my mother always shooting me down.  It started at a very young age. She would make comments like "imagine if you loose some weight, how many boyfriends you could have...." or "If you got rid of your pimples you would be so pretty...." or best yet when I was in my 20s and a very fit bodybuilder, she would say"you'll never get a man looking like that!! "

Today, I was teasing my little cousin Dana. And we spoke about how kids are so cruel and they say racists comments. She didn't realize I was picked on just like she is now. i teased her and called her a ching chong. She smiled and said "hey" to me. I told her those words were used on me. I told her those same guys that are being mean to you now are the same idiots that will be chasing after you, in ten years, wanting to date you because you are asian. Then my mother made a comment that she could get her eyes fixed so she wouldn't look so "asian".

I wanted to gag and duct tape my moms mouth shut!!!!! How could she say that?!?!?! Dana is an absolutely gorgeous young lady who is going to turn into a gorgeous woman. her asian features are so beautiful. I always wanted to look more asian but, being a mix breed, I favor the white side over the asian side.

I told Carlin I don't ever want to be like my mother. How can she do that to a young impressionable child???? My son is a major mutt agreed, vietnamese, irish, scottish, swedish, hungarian, german from my side and cayuga, cherokee, black and irish from his fathers side. I tell him everyday he is a gorgeous and handsome boy. I never want him to think he is not because in my eyes he is the most beautiful person in the world. He should never think negatively about himself. No child should!

My question is, what gives my mother and other women like her the right to shoot down a childs ego? In my mind NO ONE should destroy a childs self-esteem.

‹ take me on Slander in the work place..... ›

Maybe the women in your

Psypomp's picture
Tue, 07/28/2009 - 01:01
Psypomp

Maybe the women in your family have been hurt in the same way... they felt inferior because of their "imperfections" (too fat, bad skin, ashamed of race, etc), and now they're projecting that on future generations. It isn't just women, either... a father can say the same hurtful words, no matter how well-meaning they may be.

In today's society, you see so many commercial products and messages aimed at women to make them feel insecure-- products for getting rid of wrinkles, skin bleaching, weight-loss pills... That, combined with the overexposure of anorexic, white socialites, can make anyone feel bad. It's no wonder some mothers and grandmothers want their children to be as perfect as possible, to avoid being ridiculed later in life.

There is also the idea that women have to compete for a partner-- it's a constant fight to have the best features, according to the latest social expectations. Some even go as far as taking another female down in order to look better.

There's a woman on youtube, Alexyss K. Tylor, who explores this same dilemma (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dkqf_YqEYBw&feature=channel).

When I was younger, my mom

Wed, 07/22/2009 - 05:40
cuntlicker

When I was younger, my mom used to call me "Buddha-Belly" all the time. I have always been heavy, though not obese (Currently I'm 6 feet tall and nobody believes me when I say I weigh 240 pounds. The maximum 'healthy weight' for a man of my height according to the body mass index charts is 180 pounds.) and it was something that I was always embarassed about when I was younger.

I had to deal with that from my parents (mostly my mom, but sometimes my dad too) right up until I was about 19, when I was home for the summer after my second year of university, and helping my parents move halfway across the continent. One of them said one too many times that I shouldn't eat so much, that I should choose more salads and other "healthy" foods, and I had a melt down (as in the nuclear kind) in the middle of the restaurant. I was just so angry, especially because I had been trying for so long to be careful what I ate, and always remember to exercise, and walk everywhere instead of driving or taking the bus, and so on.

Abstinence makes The Church grow fondlers.

to cuntlicker

newbiehere's picture
Tue, 07/28/2009 - 02:45
newbiehere

180 and 6'0" for a MANS healthy weight? ew. i wouldn't ever date a 6'0" man that was THAT SKINNY. that is NOT healthy, and I would think he was scrawny and not masculine at all. I don't think anyone 6'0" or over should be UNDER 200 lbs.  I have 3 ex's that were big guys: 6'4" 270, 6'3" 250, and 6'2" 240.  The one that was 6'4" and 270 was a bit overweight - just in the belly, but the ones that were 6'3" and 6'2" were PERFECT size, and i begged them not to try to lose weight. I myself am 5'10" and weigh 195. No one believe me either, but the BMI says a "healthy weight" for me at 5'10" is 132-167lbs... um 132? are you SERIOUS? i would be checked into a hospital for malnutrition or inability to even hold my head up at that weight. I was at my thinnest in my adult life 155 lbs (which is on the high end of what the BMI considers normal) and i was SKIN AND BONES. all my friends told me i needed to gain weight. I don't listen to the BMI scale at all. People's bone structures vary SO drastically, that it isn't accurate at ALL. I happen to be very solid, have very broad shoulders and a strong body. My BMI of course is going to be much different than a girl my same height with TINY shoulder and TINY hips, no muscle and very frail bones... duh. it's like so stupid. i sympathize for you and having that "meltdown" as i sort of had something like that too. my family would ALWAYS point out when i was "getting fat" - and all it would do was make me eat MORE b/c i was then depressed, etc. and i ended up almost failing out of my freshman year in college b/c of my "meltdown"

as long as YOU are happy with your body and how you look, then that is what family and friends should be concerned about. anything else ISNT THEIR BUSINESS.

You can find me at:

http://dodsonandross.com/art/cowrie-shell
http://dodsonandross.com/art/second-sumission
http://dodsonandross.com/art/artsy-vulva

Endemic Racism

NickN's picture
Tue, 07/21/2009 - 12:16
NickN

Dear MsSaigon,

Many emotions were kindled when reading your post and I very much sympathise with your situation.

For what it's worth, you might find the following piece interesting:

http://www.nagara.co.uk/Blood.htm

( all, I may have posted this link on this site before so sorry for the repitition if that's the case.)

Many mixed race people have to deal with the problems you have outlined and you are not alone.

Best wishes,

Chu

I think I have an explanation

Tue, 07/21/2009 - 01:43
jenson

First off, I don't think it's limited to women, I think men do the same and it's not just to girls; boys get undue pressure as well.

I'm a parent of two.  I think I am like any parent really, we want our kids to be perfect.  I think the ego crushing is just one way the parent thinks they're "helping" out.  I'm sure these parents don't feel they're harming their children, but the sad fact is they are.  You want the best for your children and you want them to succeed.  This ideal gets "encouraged" from the parents in different ways; some healthy and some just down right horific.  I'm not defending the actions of parents who discourage and belittle their children, don't get me wrong.  My point is that the destructive nature isn't necessarily purposeful and the intentions may very well be good.

http://dodsonandross.com/art/here-my-cockhere-my-art