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Tension orgasms only

Sun, 08/01/2010 - 18:35
Submitted by Moonshade

Hello everyone Smile

Sorry to make irruption here without proper introduction, I will fix
that soon but curiosity got the best of me... I would like to apologise
first for my weak English as it is not my mother tongue. I do understand
easily but I am not that gifted in expressing myself (in any tongue,
for that matters ^^).

Here is my question : I read Betty Dodson's article "Learn a new
orgasm: how to upgrade your masturbation technique"
(http://dodsonandross.com/blogs/betty-dodson/2010/05/learn-new-orgasm-how...)
and it was a relief to understand at last what was going on with me and
this being identified, to try and improve it.

Problem is I read it some months ago and am still unable to change
anything.

I am only able to orgasm with tension orgasms and, as Betty Dodosn
underlined it, it is really not an orgasm you can share with your lover.
I then stopped my easy way to orgasms to try new ways but... still no
luck! Whenever I'm relaxed I can't orgasm.

This is quite frustrating for me because I just can't orgasm with my
lover, leaving me with burning desire and arousal with no hope for
release. Oral sex feels good but a bit boring as time flows, I don't seem
able to fully enjoy it.

Any advice to move on from tension orgasms? I tried and tried, alone,
to masturbated while being relaxed but I just cannot orgasm. After 45
minutes or an hour I eventually give up or go for the easy tension
orgasm which I can reach in less than 30 seconds.

Thank you for reading Smile

‹ After sex and orgasms, I'm still wanting more. Sexually frustrated, contemplating celibacy again!! How do I break the cycle??? ›

Nearly another month and I

Thu, 09/02/2010 - 19:45
Moonshade

Nearly another month and I still can't move on from those tension orgasms. I'm so frustrated, physically. I just can't bear it anymore, my body is tired of all this tension with no release.

Tension orgasms are quite painful too for me, it won't work unless I really hurt everywhere and lack oxygene. This is no pleasure. I can have either pleasure with no orgasm or orgasm with no pleasure.

I'm just so lost...

Try to balance the stimulation.

WildOrchid's picture
Sat, 08/07/2010 - 21:07
WildOrchid

When you take away the muscle tension you try to orgasm with less stimulation. You have to add something that will make up for the loss. Something that really stimulates you. It can be mental (fantasy, erotic stories, porn) or physical (stimulating more erogenous zones, trying a good toy). Everybody has their own orgasm triggers so you have to figure out what does it for you.

If I get really turned on I can for example orgasm sitting down. Turn down the Everthing Butt porn and I won't come till I lay down. Yesterday I came holding a vibe in my left hand - never thought it was possible for me. Especially on a almost dead battery. But I helped myself with muscle tension, fantasy and arousal form the previous orgasm that happened not long before. 90% of my orgasms are with tense thighs - it's just faster and I'm lazy.

Also CHILL OUT! You have one reliable method of getting off. That's good. That's more than many women who regularly have partner sex have. You'll develop a new one in time. But if you don't you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. Sex, no matter how many people it involves should be pleasure oriented. Setting up goals and getting disappointed when we don't (yet) meet diminishes the joy.

Hello and thank you for very

Sun, 08/08/2010 - 21:54
Moonshade

Hello and thank you for very much for your ansewer WildOrchid Smile

"When you take away the muscle tension you try to orgasm with less
stimulation. You have to add something that will make up for the loss.
Something that really stimulates you. It can be mental (fantasy, erotic
stories, porn) or physical (stimulating more erogenous zones, trying a
good toy). Everybody has their own orgasm triggers so you have to figure
out what does it for you."

Ok, I understand better how it works now, thank you.

I tried various things during the past months about added stimulation but I clearly did not manage do figure out what does it for me yet. I'll keep trying but I'm begginning to run out of ideas lately Smile

"Also CHILL OUT! You have one reliable method of getting off. That's
good. That's more than many women who regularly have partner sex have.
You'll develop a new one in time. But if you don't you shouldn't be so
hard on yourself. Sex, no matter how many people it involves should be
pleasure oriented. Setting up goals and getting disappointed when we
don't (yet) meet diminishes the joy."

You're right, I do have a reliable method but I can't use it during partner sex, I can't share, and that's a bit what annoys me.

This is really no matter of goal or pressure from me or my lover, we have a really great relationship, we enjoy lovemaking a lot and share a lot of pleasure. I never think about orgasms during sex, it's all about enjoying the moment, I agree with you.

When I speak about frustration it is only a physical one. Not that I'm moody of grumpy or anything, just that my body would like a rest from desire and arousal after lovemaking. I do enjoy it, I really do, it's pure pleasure, but physically it's like being hungry and eating sweets : you're still hungry, as delicious and enjoyable sweets may be.

Speaking of hunger, I'm quite happy that I can eat everyday because I know too many people don't, but it does not prevent me from wanting to cook and discover new things. Same with sex, for curiosity and personnal growth I would like to learn and discover. This is no goal just desire for growth and, I must admit, desire to be physically fulfilled and rest Wink