Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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First a little background first i suppose.

I have been suffering from depression for several years, but have never taken medication for it. This is about to change due to me being unable to sleep and difficulties with concentration, meaning that I have had to defer my university studies. However it rarely effects my sex drive, until more recently.

My bf and I have been together for around 6 months and throughout that entire time I have been the one with the higher sex drive though not by much, however since my 18th birthday I noticed how little my bf was wanting to be physical with me, whether it be kissing, hugging or sex. After talking to him we seemed to have cleared the problem out ( it had to do with him feeling bad cause he had gone out on the night he moved and his cat got out and ran away, so he was feeling a bit shitty). Sadly, events started repeating themselves because I did not approve of the people he was planning on moving in with earlier this month.

After having him swear black and blue that he wasnt going to ask me to go over there, that we would find other places to meet and do things if he did not want to come to my house, and he wouldnt try and involve me in any dramas over there things settled down a bit, but it seems at the cost of my sex drive, by making me even more depressed. So much so that even masterbation seems unattractive to me and as such i have not had really any form of sexual contact for about two weeks and it doesnt seem to be letting up other than a slight incident today, which is one of the things i wanted to ask advice on.

Today my bf came over earlier than he had told me, so I had just gotten out of the shower and answered the door in my dressing gown ( ugh its ugly but better than wearing a towel), we talked for a bit sitting on my bed, hugging. After a while he started to feel me up and usually I didnt mind all that much, I just told him that I wasnt in the mood, because I was tired and feeling very run down. He backed off for a bit, then continued with feeling me up and he convinced me to let him try to get me in the mood. However after some pain with him rubbing my clit and trying to finger me I told him to stop. He seemed really disapointed and started saying some things which then became an argument about how he apparently never said no to having sex with me when I asked ( even though he has). After he left I was really upset and still am I suppose, I feel really bad because the situation for the last few months is that any time he wanted to have sex with me I was up for it and only a bit over two weeks ago I was wanting to have sex more often. I get the feeling he is trying to patch things up and do more things he thinks I want to do, because he seemed really confused when I finally told him to stop, because I seemed aroused which leads me to another problem to mention in the paragraph after the next. It is very painful to me to have penetrative sex if I am not very aroused and even with use of lube and being aroused initial penetration is usually painful for me ( i still enjoy the stuff after that though) which is why I refused to let my bf penetrate me.

I feel awful because I was to tired to even give him a handjob and he was obviously trying to be affectionate and I feel I might have damaged things even further between us, because I do not want this to be the straw that broke the camel's back, though I know it will be me that will have to dump him, making the decision harder. I do like having sex with my bf but at the moment I am simply to depressed and tired to have sex with him and I fear he will simply slowly cut contact off with me as he has sort of been doing for the past week, because I told him that he wasnt to come over unless he could be honest with me and talk to me about things instead of him assuming things about me and me having to try and read his mind, but I am worried that my own perceptions are warped by how depressed I am. Yet, I wouldnt have minded if he wanted me to lie there naked while he masterbated, but he refuses to masterbate in front of me. I feel awful because I feel like he was trying to please me and I dealt a real blow to him when I told him he was hurting me, but I dont know what else I could have done. Nor could I think of a way to try and get him to understand that I just am too tired to become aroused enough to have sex, as I do not usually verbalise the pain of initial penetration to my bf. So I am really uncertain of what to do, because usually we have a great relationship ( our problems with uneven sex drives aside) and I don't want to lose it over a collection of mixed signals.

Also I am have trouble with being to wet, so much so that I will often have to change my underwear twice a day or more. I dont feel aroused, but for all intents and purposes it seems to be the same smell and consistancy of my normal pussy juices. This has only been happening for around 2 months. I often notice that I  smell of my pussy during the day and I is embarrasing because I know that at least my bf can smell me from about a foot or two away. Also sometimes I will completely soak through my underwear and sometimes it will drip down my leg. I do not have the money to continue to by things like panty liners or pads and I dont think I can afford to talk to my doctor about it as I have other things like my depression and chest pains to talk about in the short appointment I have booked. I am unsure as to what could be causing this.

Ff anyone has any suggestions for either problem I would be grateful.