Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

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You may need to discuss with your gynecologist. The vagina has the ability to accept men who are very large in girth, with proper lub. I had sex with a man who was quite long and as big as a beer can in circumference. It took a little time but he got that thing inside my box. I have to say it was a little painful, but felt really good at the same time. Hard to explain, maybe other ladies know what I'm saying?

Spend some quality time by yourself masturbating. Once you can clearly enjoy that, try exchanging oral with your partner. Please don't rush things. Once oral is fully enjoyable, have him lube an index finger and go gently probing and exploring. If that hurts, go back to mutual oral and masturbation. Look into a yeast infection and such.

Once your are comfortable with his finger, let him start with his penis. Plenty of lube, shallow strokes, slow and gentle to start. If nothing hurts, he can gradually go deeper over the course of many minutes. He should not increase his speed and vigor until you are fully comfortable with his being inside you as far as he can go.

Plenty of lube, take it slow. On nights when he's not around, masturbate to kind and pleasant fantasies. Don't hesitate to take 2-3 months to work through what I write here.

I'm not sure if you have tried paying a visit to your gynecologist, it may be helpful. I'm not a huge fan of doctors in general, especially when it comes to something like what you're dealing with that they will likely diagnose as psychological. But, there is a chance that you could be dealing with a yeast or bacterial infection without the traditional symptoms of itching or discharge. They can both cause pain during or after intercourse.

Marilyn, I'm sorry to hear about your current problem, and the awful events in your past.

While not impossible, it's rare for a vagina to be too small to be able to accommodate a penis of average length and width easily. I think starbuck is right; it's more likely that your past experiences are the root of the problem. The workings of the mind are complex, and despite loving and trusting your boyfriend, your mind has not let go of what you suffered in the past, and tenses the muscles of your vagina making penetration difficult or painful. (You might like to look at this explanation of vaginismus: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaginismus.) If the problem persists, it could be worth seeking the help of a professional counsellor. They are very successful in dealing with cases like yours.

On the plus side, while it may be painful and that is certainly undesirable, at least you are not finding sex totally impossible. You might find it helpful to experiment with a wider range of positions. A previous girlfriend of mine often found having sex with me uncomfortable and thought that we were mismatched in size. But we found that in particular positions, there was no problem. Maybe if you were able to find a position in which you feel no discomfort or pain and concentrate on having sex in that position for a while, your brain would come to accept that sex need not be associated with pain and would diminish the effect of unpleasant memories, allow you to relax fully in future and to enjoy the attentions of your boyfriend in any way and as often as you like.

I sincerely hope you will overcome your difficulty soon.

dunedin at http://dodsonandross.com/art/celebrating-it-just-it

I don't think it's because your pussy is too small. I'm not a doctor but I've read lots of stuff regarding your problem. If you went to see a phsycologist about your probem, he/she would probably tell you that it is all to do with your unfortunate experience with rape and torture, that seems to be the common diagnosis. It's that you're still very uptight about it, which is quite understandable since rape on it's own is not a very nice experience for any woman to endure and cope with. I think you need to try to relax and put your past experiences behind you and enjoy the moment with your boyfriend. I had sex with a woman once who was with someone else at the time and she was so nervous about having sex with me that penetration was almost impossible and I had to gently coax her. She wanted it as much as I did but she had a guilt complex about it, again, that's understandable. I realize that these circumstances differ greatly from yours but the end result was the same. Please try to relax and trust that your boyfriend is not going to hurt you. I hope this little note goes some way to help you with your problem.