Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross
Better Orgasms. Better World.
 |
Betty's Vaginal Barbell |
 |
My Romantic Love Wars: A Sexual Memoir - EBOOK EDITION |
 |
Betty Dodson's Bodysex Workshop DVD |
 |
Betty Dodson Liberating women one orgasm at a time |
 |
Carlin Ross Sex, Politics & More Sex |
 |
Eric Amaranth Sex life coaching, real life erotica, and wellness |
 |
Lawrence Lanoff Reality Hacker. Sex Educator. Geek. |
 |
Liandra Dahl Sex Documentarian |
 |
LilithLand Women, Sex, Culture & Relationships |
 |
cajun sausage Lovin' Dr. Betty since 1996! |
 |
Christina Cicchelli Professional Pervert |
 |
Danny Wylde Male. Libra. Whore |
 |
Dr. Lulu History & the Material Culture of Sex |
 |
Emily and Ju Queer love |
 |
Eric Francis Astrology & Adventure |
 |
Jenn Parenthood. With Cursing |
 |
Jessica Kramer Liberating Birth |
 |
jexhibitionism |
 |
Kasini Poet. Educator. Catalyst. Mother. |
 |
LesleyS Redefining my sexual self after babies. |
 |
Logan Levkoff sexologist, sex educator, intellisexual, author, mom |
 |
Marisa Black Finding room for all of me |
 |
Marylou Naccarato Learn how to raise your level of “Sexability” |
 |
Palesa Art + Sex + Media + Empowerment |
 |
Princess What would my mother say? |
 |
Solo Sexualist |
 |
VirginMonoblogger Thought all virgins were the same? Think again. |
 |
WildOrchid A selfsexual, toy loving, possibly bisexual total virgin |
I enjoy masturbating, I love, love, love my orgasms, and I also enjoy partner sex.
I'm 17 years old and do not think that I'm too young for this.
Today my mom and i were sitting at the computer and I accidentally clicked on an add and it opened up a porn site. My mom's immediate reaction was, "WHAT are you watching!?" in her lovely, accusing tone.
I'm shaking everywhere, because her eraction scared me and made me feel extremely ashamed for enjoying things like that.
Is there anything I could do? I really would rather not talk to her about it, because she really is a prude and notorious for her intolerance.
Don't let her shame u into being a "good girl"!
Don’t feel guilty feel proud. Despite all the efforts from Church leaders you lead an active orgasmic sex life! There is a great book about sex, pleasure and restricting the access to them. It’s “With Pleasure” by Abramson and Pinkerton. It explains how and why leaders of the most popular religions tried to eradicate the pleasure, how sex is mainly for pleasure and how pleasure has a value of it’s own. I also recommend “Ethical Slut” by Eatson and Liszt. Even if you plan to have only monogamous relationships the book is a treasure because our society considers every woman who enjoys non-procreative or extramarital sex a slut. And after reading the book it’s hard not to be proud of that label.
I can sympathize with both
I can sympathize with both you and your mother. Please don't feel ashamed about enjoying sex. I agree that at 17 if you are mature and responsible (use condoms, don't put yourself at unnecessary risk, choose partners who make you feel good about yourself) then sex is a natural and normal and often wonderful part of life. I am sure that growing up I got mixed messages about sex -- on one hand I never really thought it was wrong, but somehow I also got the message that good girls shouldn't, or at the very least it wasn't something to be talked about. I really appreciated the tv show "Sex in the City", where the women in the show just sleep with someone when it feels right, rather than agonizing over it every time.
I've been masturbating since I was 8 and have been sexually active since 16. My problem is, I still have a little bit of that embarrassment about sex, and I'm not sure how to talk to my children about it (I'm 44 now). I have one daughter who is nearly 8 and the other one is 9, and it's even harder because the 9 year old has an intellectual disability so may not understand things so clearly. Bascially, the very few times their dad or I have seen them with hands in their pants (or touching themselves in the bath) we've just said, "that's private, you don't do that in front of other people." I feel like that's not quite enough, and I don't want to give them the same mixed messages I had, but I also don't feel comfortable talking about sex openly and how touching yourself can feel good and I especially can't see myself saying "yes, Mommy does it too." I even feel weird having vibrators and porn around because, if they're anything like me, they're bound to discover them one day. I finally realized why that book with the very interesting passage must have been in my mother's bedside table all those years!
Marilyn, I hope you continue to do what feels good and try and keep a clear and guilt-free head about it. And I'm sorry I made so much of this post about me, but it just really rang a bell and brought these issues to mind. All the best to you.
One step at the time
My Mother made a mistake of telling me what is rape first and what is intercourse a few years later. She also added a few "simplifications" to make it easier to understand. The result was every time I went out to play alone I was frightened of men carrying things.
There are a lot of good books that may help you and your kids. Start with basics: anatomy (it would be similar to biology classes for them so the familiarity might help), menstrual cycle, reproduction. It’s important to have every aspect of puberty covered before it hits so your girls won’t be scared by the changes.
Discuss public and private parts. It's very important. Disabled girls are at a higher risk of being taken advantage of. If they know how to set boundaries they would be harder to manipulate into doing something they don't want.
Make sure they understand, maybe ask them to explain in their own language, playact refusing.
As for vibrators and porn you have nothing to be ashamed of. We carry so much shame about sexual pleasure that it’s devastating. Try to challenge your views. This site is certainly a good place for that. It’s very important that they know that their bodies belong to them and that pleasure is good. That some activities are private not because they are disgusting/shameful but because they are special.
Every mother wants their children to be happy and safe. But you can’t spend the rest of your life watching over them. By telling them how to make decisions and how to reinforce them you give them tools so they can protect and care for themselves.
Similar relationship with my mom
I'm now 28 and have always had a great relationship with my mom... except for when it comes to my sexuality! I have always been pretty outspoken about it, and while I tried not to shove the fact that I love sex in her face she still knew somehow. It has been such a constant source of strife between us, but the only source. I think we came to a mutual decision in the past few years without actually communicating that we were going to come to this decision- the decision that we just weren't going to discuss it anymore so that we could get along. But a big part of me feels like we have unfinished arguments between us.
Anyway, don't ever let your mother make you feel guilty. It is very difficult to reconcile the sexual person you have become with the sweet, innocent little girl your mother believes you are or wishes that you were, but we can't all please our mothers all the time. Especially when our mothers are religious, or are 2nd wave feminists. Or, as in my unfortunate case, both.
Funny story... When I was in
Funny story... When I was in high school I one day got careless about deleting certain websites from the internet history, and my mom was always the snooping kind. So she decided to confront me about the fact that I had visited some porn sites, by sitting me down at the computer, opening them up, and asking me to "explain myself".
After the third or fourth website, having sat there quietly with my head down enduring the berating, I finally spoke up and said "Look, what the hell do you expect a healthy 14 year old to want to look at? You should be happy, now you know that I'm healthy, for starters, and that I'm not interested in looking at naked men."
Abstinence makes The Church grow fondlers.
Don't feel guilty about
Don't feel guilty about something that's natural. It's unfortunate but most parents can't bear the thought of their child as a sexual being. Have compassion for her, practice safe sex, and orgasm away.
"most people are fools, most authority is malignant, God does not exist, and everything is wrong" Ted Nelson