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Masturbation and Relationships

Nina's picture
Sun, 03/15/2009 - 22:59
Submitted by Nina

So I'm in a new monogamous relationship, and we haven't had sex yet.

We've talked a lot about it (he's younger than me) and I've told him about this site, and tips and advice I get from here (typical teenage boy, getting all excited about "sexvice"!).

We got on to talking about masturbation, and I'm pretty open about it, so I simply told him that I do, and how often I do. Then he asked me, 'don't you find it a bit weird to be masterbating so much, if u have a boyfriend?'

I said no, of course. I know betty and carlin are all for masturbation (woop!) but it got me thinking. I'm sure they've mentioned the benefits of masturbating as well as having partner sex. (I've forgotten where I am going with this now!)

I think I just had a hard time explaining why it wasnt weird to masturbate whilst being in a relationship (even if we were having sex I would still masturbate), and I didn't know how to word why I masturbate (earth-shattering orgasm at the end? yes please?).

So simply, why is it healthy to have alone-play, and why should it not matter whether you are in a relationship or not? (I understand that some will have mixed views on this, but all are welcome!)

‹ Advice for a threesome Problems with sex and depression, boyfriends and being too wet. ›

Thanks Carlin, those are the

Nina's picture
Mon, 03/16/2009 - 19:47
Nina

Thanks Carlin, those are the perfect words!

He doesnt masturbate a lot - less than I do at any rate, but aparently he has done more so since being with me (how sweet, apparently I have "more of an effect" on him than I realise! -his words not mine)

I think it was mostly finding the right words to explain how cumming during partnersex is easier with masturbation as well.

 

At the end of the day, its all fun!! I think he was just confused by a girl that masturbates (its not that common amongst british women - or perhaps just british teenage girls?)

Thanks again x

 after I made my post I

Mon, 03/16/2009 - 23:50
Carlin Ross

 after I made my post I thought about adding the following: you masturbate more when you're having a sexual relationship with another person.  You fantasize about them...replay past sexual moments in your mind.  That's why he's masturbating more.  When you're really into someone and you can't be with them as much as you want, then you need to unleash that sexual energy Innocent

relationships

Mon, 03/16/2009 - 19:13
eleni223

People have this romantic notion that once you are in a relationship that you become "one".

I believe that once you are in a relationship you become "three" , me , him, us.

So, you keep your identity, he keeps his and along with that comes all the "me time" things you each do separately.  This has nothing to do with the "us time" things you do together, and if anything, only makes the "us" part of the relationship stronger. 

 

here's the skinny: by

Sun, 03/15/2009 - 23:15
Carlin Ross

here's the skinny: by masturbating and being in control of your own orgasm, you're staying sexual and insuring that you have a happy, healthy sex life.  Masturbation doesn't replace partner sex.  Masturbation helps you maintain sexual desire because you have to fantasize and the more your orgasm the easier it is to orgasm during sex especially for women.

I would ask him whether he planned on not masturbating now once you both became sexual.  Men always jerk off no matter how much pussy they're getting and a woman would never think of asking him not to do it.  Just make sure you don't fall for the "only my cock" macho thing because it's short lived and will fuck with your head.  You have the right to bring yourself to orgasm and it only benefits him.

i stand educated. my best

Fri, 03/20/2009 - 01:29
white oak (not verified)

i stand educated. my best girl came out of a loveless, sexless marriage, and masturbated daily ... and as the thread goes, doesn't masturbate less now, but rather more -- reliving our weekends together, and anticipating our next encounter. but the absolute best - most intimate - is when she takes me "under the tent" and she, or we, fuck her with fingers, thoughts and stories

What People Do And Say Are Different

Miss Moonlight's picture
Sun, 03/22/2009 - 07:59
Miss Moonlight

 Nina

You have brought the subject up very early in the relationship and good for you!  For starters though, it is a myth that masturbation is not common amongst British women, most of us are at it, but it is a talking subject for very close friends only (and sometimes not even then).

Secondly, the needs for both masturbation and partner sex are very very different.  You need both; enjoy both!

Enjoy!

masturbation

Mon, 03/16/2009 - 13:53
Anonymous User (not verified)

Carlin, I absolutely love reading you and watching you talk about masturbation, it gets me soooo hard. All I do is stroke myself thinking of you masturbating, like now! Is there any way we can see you nude or masturbating?