Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross
Better Orgasms. Better World.
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Betty Dodson Liberating women one orgasm at a time |
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cajun sausage Lovin' Dr. Betty since 1996! |
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LesleyS Redefining my sexual self after babies. |
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VirginMonoblogger Thought all virgins were the same? Think again. |
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WildOrchid A selfsexual, toy loving, possibly bisexual total virgin |
My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now. He's only the second person I've been with sexually and we've been having problems getting me to have an orgasm. It feels great and everything but right before I
get to an orgasm I tense up and push him away. We kept trying but I would always stop him right before. He bought me a vibrator
thinking it might help but I do the same thing. Right before I get to
an orgasm I pull the vibrator away. After doing some research I found out some women were afraid to climax in front of their guys so I started to use the vibrator in private but I still can't do it.
I'm 22 and never had an orgasm before. I'm not sure why I pull away.
I'm not sure if I'm scared to have one or if it's just to much and I
can't handle it. The best way for me to discribe it is like it tickles. It feels good but at the same time I want to get away from it.
I would appreciate any help you could give me.
Thank you
Similiar problem with new girlfriend, please help
I have just started going out with a girl (first time for the both of us, previously only been interested in men) who seems to have the same problem. She told me she has never had an orgasm before and doesn't know if she ever can. When we are having sex we have to stop after a while as she says she can't carry on. She describes it like being tickled and having to stop when it becomes too much. I don't seem to have any problem having an orgasm which only seems to highlight her not having one.
Do you think she might be having an orgasm and not realising it? I can identify very easily when Im going to cum and figured that it would be the same for her. Not sure what to suggest to her as I'm not sure what the problem is. I thought it might be that she couldn't because she didn't like feeling out of control and also because we are both women and wasn't totally at ease.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated, im so new to this and feel like I need some guidance.
Totally posible
My suggestion would be to try and make that orgasm/no-orgasm whatever it is stronger. Buy her a clitoral vibe. She can try that on her own - less pressure to perform, less distraction. If she is new to masturbation give her the link to Betty's First Orgasm article.
similar issue
I feel like I have a similar issue. I'll enjoy the stimulation and I'll feel a bit of a buildup but then everything is hypersensitive, or like Jaheria said, overwhelming. I've tried stopping for a bit and then starting up slow but it kind of kills the mood for me. I guess I could be interpreting it wrong and I really am having an orgasm with the hypersensitivity coming later. If that's what an orgasm is though, I'm thoroughly disappointed.
Don't be!
Those first orgasms can be brief and not very intense. I remember that when I came for the first time the fact that I could do it brought me more joy than the orgasm itself. I was young and that little twinge was all I needed to start doing it every night. I loved my orgasms then but if I compared them to my current ones they would pale in comparison.
The thing now is to learn how to improve your orgasms. Take your time, try new things and focus on having as much pleasure as you can before orgasm. Try different techniques, fantasies.
Try some variety
I have had a similar problem in the past, and it turned out that I was rubbing the wrong spot. We see in media that the only things that will give a woman an orgasm are vaginal sex or rubbing the clitoris directly, but each of us is different, thank God! I discovered that by experimenting without expectations I can find out what I like and dislike, also what gets me off fast and hard and what gets me off easy(because of course a lot of times, less is more).
So try rubbing along the sides, top, or beneath your clit from the start, and use varying degrees of pressure just to see how it feels.
And relax. The more you worry about it, the more difficult it will be to reach orgasm anyway.
Wild Orchd is onto
Wild Orchd is onto part of your problem. In my private practice I have women coming to see me with the complaint that they have never had an orgasm. Yet when I observe them during masturbation I clearly see they have had one. Their expectations of what an orgasm is like is off base. The last one anticapated strong uterun contractions. Well, that happens sometimes to some women but not all of us. So I sugget you question your expectations. Right after we come, the clit is hypersensitive and the sensations can be too intense so we stop. Instead, simply back off a bit but keep moving your body and breathing even more deeply, then go back only this time let some sounds out. It will help you to tolerate move sexual pleasure. Like jumping into cold water when we hollar at first before it begins to feel great. Don't stop just back off a moment or two.
Dr. Betty
It's overwhelming right
It's overwhelming right before. I don't know about hypersinsitive?
One quick question
Does your clit get hypersensitive right before you take the vibe off it?
sadd
for me yes, and then i cant continue because when i put the vibe back, my clit is still too sensitive so i cant get off! I guess i am just scared?!
I asked this question
because the clit is too sensitive right after an orgasm. Do you get an intense feeling of pleasure before the insensitivity? If yes - you are coming. Early, small orgasms are sometimes hard to recognize if you don't know what you're exactly waiting for.