Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross
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"Cheating" isn't okay because lying isn't okay.
Having sexual relationships outside of marriage is fine. Go for it. But do it in the context of an honest marriage. If your marriage can't handle the honesty then you either need to live with the restrictions you agreed to live under or get out of it. Anything else is a betrayal. Negotiate for polyamory, negotiate for an open marriage, negotiate for "don't ask don't tell" but if you're not talking about it, then you're at the very least lying by omission.
I got a little angry when I heard Betty say that cheating is fine, and I have to voice my disagreement.

If one must be faithful only
If one must be faithful only to themselves then that means living an honest life, otherwise, the guilt of what you are doing, whether you feel justified or not, will only lead you to deceive yourself.
I'm not one to preach monogamy or morals, I just know from my own life that I have to be honest with people, especially those I love and most especially myself.
First, if you "know" that
First, if you "know" that the partner who is insisting on monogamy is not going to hold themselves up to that standard, what are you doing with them anyway? Second, if you know that you will not be able to stick to monogamy, why are you with someone who insists that you remain monogamous?
And third, if you stay in a relationship where you "know" that neither of you will be monogamous (although really, the only person you can "know" that about is yourself, unless you're a mind reader or psychic) and you or your partner is insisting on monogamy, you absolutely have to find a compromise or break it off. If you don't it's all going to end in tears, bitterness, and frustration. Sure you could cheat, be careful/discreet, and all that, and it might even help in some ways, relieving some stress or frustration, but then you're lying to your partner. If you don't feel guilty about lying to them, especially about something as big as that, then sorry but you just don't deserve to be in a relationship. And when they finally find out (they almost always do, eventually) what do you think is going to happen?
No, get into an open relationship, or find some compromise, but don't cheat on someone who expects/trusts you not to. If they're worth being in a relationship with, they deserve better than that, and if you can't live up to their standards, then just break it off early and avoid the whole mess that's going to come out of it in the end. Honestly, I can't understand how anyone can look a person in the eye and say "I love you" while doing something that will feel like a knife in the gut to them if they ever find out. That kind of guilt would kill me.
Abstinence makes The Church grow fondlers.
I would agree with your
I would agree with your statement right off the bat. Betty's point is that you must be faithful to only one person in your life: you.
She's always had open relationships and values honesty. But what do you do when you're in a relationship and you know that neither of you will remain monogamous yet your partner insists on monogamy?
Do you just break it off? Or do you order a side of infidelity when the opportunity presents itself?
Break it off.
I'm not usually one for moral absolutes, but my answer is: You Break It Off.
Even if the other person in the relationship is a total hypocrite, and is seeing someone on the side, and you KNOW that it's happening, the only thing to do is confront the issue, and if that results in the end of the relationship, then that's that.
You can't base a relationship on lies. I'm sorry. Everyone involved will be better off if the relationship ends.
Then who knows? After the breakup, and a little time to heal and grow, maybe the relationship can transform into something else.
Erotica author and podcaster: http://nobilis.libsyn.com