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Aspergers, relationships and Sex

Wed, 03/09/2011 - 17:58
Submitted by robin45

With aspergers sydrome there are about 6 males to one female on average and quite a few of them go undiagnosed. Do you remember that dorky boy at school who few people would talk to, is good at science, is bullied and is the last choice when two teams are picked for a game of football during a sports lesson. This follows on into adulthood with low self esteem and poor social skills. At college girls tend to avoid this type of male because he is quiet and shy. It would be easy for a rival male to steal a potential girlfriend off this socially isolated male. This happened to me at college aged 19yrs. With asperger women it is almost the opposite.They are likely to become the victim of male predators who want an extra notch on the bed post. Asperger women have an easier job finding partners than asperger men probabily because men are more attracted by physical attributes than women. Her partner sees her as eccentric and excepts its just how she is. Neurotypical women might find grounds to leave their asperger partner because of his ways such as lack empathy. If he is diagnosed with asperger syndrome she can then understand why he behaves like this and he can modify his behaviours. This is for the lucky few asperger males who can find a descent partner. As for sex and the asperger male, what he lacks in small talk , he makes up for in the bedroom. Asperger men can be very charming and make good lovers. I can be very sensitive to touch and smell which can highten sexual arousal. It is very frustrating for me that people such as my cousins who are younger are now settled down with their own families. My life sexually and relationship wise has'nt turned out how it should. I should have had a few relationships with women then settled down. For me although I am able bodied, am physically fit, intelligent,  aspergers sydrome has ruined my life and taken away the chance of me having a fullfilling sexual and emotional relationship.
 

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chin up!

Marias Chaos's picture
Fri, 04/15/2011 - 20:34
Marias Chaos

I disagree. You don't have to let Aspergers rob you of a fulfilling sex life. Easy for me to say. I don't have it. But you found your way here to this site. You clearly have desires. There is a lot here to learn about pleasuring yourself and your partner. What you need to work on is some social skills. Don't give up. Make goals, think of what you have to do to achieve those goals and take action. Have you tried a dating site? Just be real and honest to you and others. I believe it will help.

It's not all lost

Sun, 03/13/2011 - 17:42
Anonymous

I believe there is someone, or more than one person, out there for you. Not all women enjoy loads of affection (although lots do, it's the socially acceptable thing unfortunately). However if you find a girl who is understanding and maybe already knows about autism and aspergers, you'll be fine, or better.
Intelligent, kind, good looking guys are often hard to come by, and being eccentric is becoming more and more acceptable. I don't want to underplay your condition here, but having aspergers is almost like being a way stereotypical geeky geek. And geeks are getting more sexy all the time in this information age. I don't think you're a lost cause in terms of finding a woman. I mean, I don't know you personally, but your writing style is easy to read and eloquent. You seem to have a good understanding of how life works. These are attractive traits.
Empathy is sometimes something that can be learnt, and if not, often sympathy can get you by. I'm a neurotypical woman, but sometimes a friend will be talking to me and I will never be able to properly empathise with them and understand where they're coming from. But the fact that they might be sad is reason enough to be as kind and caring as you can. Saying something like "i dont fully understand what you mean, but i'm here for you", simply being there for that person. The tricky thing I think, is reading other peoples emotions - noticing when someone is sad - and I believe that is where a lot of people with autism have trouble with.
(Also, just so you know that I'm not talking out of my arse here, I have a psychology degree so I'm not by any means an expert as you would be but I do know a bit)

Aspergers, relationships and sex

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 21:56
robin45

Thank you for your reply. I think what I need is some affection although I am not good at showing it but am willing to learn. When I was younger, women did'nt notice me and now that I'm older they still don't notice me. I can recognise when someone is sad or happy easily but not the more sutle things like if a woman looks at me in a way that she wants me to come and talk to her. Funnily enough when I was 33yrs old I met a girl who was 5yrs younger than me at group therapy and plucked up enough courage to ask her out. I had stayed after the session had ended so I could speak to her and I thought I was doing well. She said I'm not sure and she phoned me to say she can't because it would'nt be professional so I wrote her a letter. She then rang me up and said that she is going to be reprimanded. The occupational therapist in charge spoke to my mother over the phone and said she was asked to leave. This girl was a psychology student from a university. I did'nt see this as a problem because everyone is supposed to be equal. I was very upset, suicidal at one stage over this and I took monthes to recover. I understand rules of professional conduct that are there for a reason but she was only a student and I did'nt think they applied. So theres a case of lack of empathy. This was the second time I had my heart broken if you can call it that. I do sometime feel that some professional women have delusions of self importance and look down upon me. I never intended for that to happen.