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After sex and orgasms, I'm still wanting more.

Sat, 08/07/2010 - 17:26
Submitted by Anonymous

I suffer an interesting issue, and I'm having a hard time trying to figure it out. I am a bisexual and have always had a very high sex drive. I've had a lot of sexual experience in my life, including sex with multiple partners. I always played safe and and clean :). I am accustomed to having sex multiple times a day, and consider myself to have enough sex drive for 3 people. I've always had a higher sex drive than anyone of my partners.

I've always blamed my partners for my wanting more, because then it would be their lack of skill or ability to please me. That would be partially because I do like starting out with a virgin and telling them everything I know, although it is frustrating at times. I am currently in a wonderful relationship with a woman who has just began in sex, and through thoughts, I have realized that this, as well as previous relationships I've had, I've always found it difficult to get that "wow" factor, that sexual encounter to really tell me I'm done for the night. To me, sex is like candy, once I have it, I want it more, just from the thought of it. I used to embrace it and love that about myself, but now I feel like I have a problem, like I can't be satisfied no matter what any partner does for me. I have come to terms with the fact that I am usually the one to have the higher sex drive whenever I'm with a partner, and I realize that they do get tired and don't have sex drives like I do, so I don't have sex with them despite my lust or need for sex and distract myself with other things.

I am also into BDSM so I find that I need to have extremely thrilling sex to actually be satisfied, especially with pain. When I make love with my lady now, I find myself more satisfied making love to her, than vice versa, because I'm focusing on her, and not on myself. I wonder if there's something wrong with my mind, as if there's a mental block in my mind not allowing me to feel satisfied. I do orgasm quite often in sex, and after I have a few, I keep wanting more. It's very rare that I actually want to stop during sex, and I stop because my partner tells me they're done.

I watch porn on a regular basis, every day right now because I'm not at school and entertain myself with it. When I'm at school, I don't watch it nearly as much. I don't masturbate every day because I have things to do during the day. I also work out every other day to control my sexual need for fulfillment. I seem to find myself when I'm kissing my girlfriend to be thinking of what else I could be doing to her. I've realized that when it comes to pleasing me, I usually think of how else I can be pleased, what else they could be doing. I wonder if I have an issue of fulfillment. I used to love my sex drive, but am not quite so sure now.

I have all of these images of fantasies that could be played out in my mind that I wish could occur, and would love to be played out. I love my partner, and am wondering if it's an issue with me, and how to fix it. I seem to think about sex essentially as much as possible. I used to love it when I was single, but it tends to drive me insane because I wonder if it's my own fault I'm unfulfilled. Every time I have had sex, I tend to think back on it and relive it in my mind and try to think of ways I could have heightened it, or things that could have happened.

For example, last time she and I had sex, she was the dominant one and gave me quite a bit of pain, which I enjoyed, but I always wonder about what it would have been like if she had given me more pain, which I enjoy. I also have a very high threshold to pain when it comes to sex. I seem to enjoy sex more when pain is involved, it drives me over the edge. I know she is new at that, and is still learning and believe it's part of my lack of fulfillment, but I really do enjoy being brought to my absolute highest level of pain to reach the utmost orgasm.

I wonder if it's something to do with my mental release when it comes to sex. I've been accustomed to sex being an escape from life as a result of many things from my life. I've realized the times I've usually had that "wow" factor are when I'm under the influence of alcohol and I don't think as much about what's going on, but more so am in the moment

What's wrong with me? Please help me, I'd really appreciate it!

‹ 38 Year Old Male Feels Rejected By Black Women Tension orgasms only ›

Mental release

Sat, 09/11/2010 - 23:44
Other (not verified)

I get bored by sex a lot too; I also have a comparatively high sex drive, though perhaps not quite as high as yours. I'm also a rather kinky and open minded individual, being pansexual myself.

To me it sounds like you may be pursuing forms of sex that you find to be less fulfilling or are otherwise obsolete for you. You mention liking a lot of pain during sex, being used to having sex as an escape, and having more intense and pleasurable experiences when you're in altered states of consciousness. I don't think you're abnormal for this, but perhaps somewhat atypical, which in itself isn't a bad thing. In my eyes, the problem arises when you feel somehow inclined to continue having sex you get no satisfaction from as if trying to run away from your intense feelings of lust rather than find out precisely what you are wanting that vanilla sex doesn't fulfill.

I know some people who speak very little of "actual sex" at all, and talk extensively about BDSM, pain, urophilia (watersports), role play, gender bending, and all the other shades of the spectrum. If you are wondering if you might need a special mental release that vanilla sex doesn't give you, I might suggest exploring that thought further. Sometimes the best sex we can have doesn't actually involve "sex" at all. All of the functions I mentioned serve special and important mental purposes for the participants, purposes that more typical forms of intercourse just can't.

Do you know what I mean? Perhaps you just need to seek out different kinds of intense or "thrilling" sex that will properly stimulate those special kinds of mental and emotional aspects of yourself.I don't think something is wrong with you; it seems more like you just haven't quite discovered exactly what you need yet. When you do though, it will all be worth it.

Hmm

WildOrchid's picture
Fri, 08/13/2010 - 09:24
WildOrchid

I think I'm satisfied when I don't have the urge to do anything further. It just passes. Or I get tired if I have to work really hard to orgasm. In this case I'll do anything to get there and then lay there like a dead fish.

Greta Chistina has a good piece on mismatched libidos.

I don't experience half an hour of afterglow - once I drag myself out of bed and wash the toys I feel like it never happened but I don't have a desire for more.

I don't know how it would be if I was with a person in stead of box full of toys. I feel great on my own and I have barriers that keep me from meeting other people.

Writing about it makes me want to have a longer session.

You sound like a perfect woman for me!

WildOrchid's picture
Sat, 08/07/2010 - 20:40
WildOrchid

Insatiable, bi, kinky and likes to teach virgins! Just what I need right now. And also form what  see on this tiny icon very sexy.

But flirting aside you just have a high sex drive. Accept it and stop obsessing over it because this kind of blame seeking and over analyzing might just destroy your enjoyment of sex. You'll still want it but you'll fall in a great pit of guilt and despair afterwards.

There is always some imbalance of libidos in a relationship. One person wants it more than the other or during different parts of the day or in a different way. You've got high libido and you'll probably want to have more sex than any of your future partners. Or your libido might suddenly drop to zero. Bodies are that way.

When women get really turned on they can go on till they drop from exhaustion. I'm pretty lazy so it doesn't happen often for me but if I had somebody to provoke my interest it would happen often.

P.S. Working out actually heightens libido. But don't give it up. It has too many advantages.

Just another thing..

Sat, 08/07/2010 - 21:44
pinz7550 (not verified)

Hey just another thing I wanted to ask you. How do you know if I can be satisfied, then? Because I'm questioning the ability that I can? Because I have heard of people who continue orgasms and cry to themselves afterwards for never being completely fulfilled.

I think partially the reason I'm asking is because I haven't experienced that feeling of complete fulfillment in a long time. For me, it usually takes a very very very intense encounter, to say the least.

How do you know the difference with able to be satisfied and not?

You seem like a very sweet woman

Sat, 08/07/2010 - 21:07
pinz7550 (not verified)

Thanks a lot, I really appreciate it. I was worried there was something wrong with me for a second ;). I'll take your advice to heart, just my girlfriend and I were having a discussion considering this a bad thing, and now I really don't feel like making love to her now. The thing is, to get me satisfied, you probably would have to give me...20 orgasms or more, and I realize that's tiring and not everyone's going to be able to accomplish that all the time, but I would expect my partner to do that for me.

So tell me your experience with your libido, I'd love to see another woman's point of view to compare.

Thanks again for being so kind to me :)

You seem like a very sweet woman

Sat, 08/07/2010 - 21:07
pinz7550 (not verified)

Thanks a lot, I really appreciate it. I was worried there was something wrong with me for a second ;). I'll take your advice to heart, just my girlfriend and I were having a discussion considering this a bad thing, and now I really don't feel like making love to her now. The thing is, to get me satisfied, you probably would have to give me...20 orgasms or more, and I realize that's tiring and not everyone's going to be able to accomplish that all the time, but I would expect my partner to do that for me.

So tell me your experience with your libido, I'd love to see another woman's point of view to compare.

Thanks again for being so kind to me :)