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About Me and What Got Me Here!!!

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 21:34
Submitted by lmb69

Hi! I've been reading this website for the past couple months and have finally decided to join the community. I was hesistant to comment or take part in any conversation, scared my privacy would be jeopordized. I've decided to bite the bullet and take my chances.
I am 42 yrs old, married for 12 yrs, mother of 4 (ages range 6-15). I am one that has always enjoyed sex, and would have been considered one of the "sleazier" girls in most social circles I associated with. I never really thought as myself as sleazy or a slut, so much as I really enjoyed sex. I remember masturbating at a young age, the way most girls do...laying on my stomach, rubbing on the floor. Like a good friend, I showed my girlfriends how to do it too, so they could experience that feeling also. When I was 20, I got in a relationship with an older man who introduced me to dildos and vibrators. For the next 5 yrs, I had lots of sex, lots of toys, and lots of orgasms!!! After that relationship ended I set out to use my new adult knowledge and experience with other men. I remain friends and on good terms with a few of those guys today. We love to talk about "the good ol days". I became pregnant and was a single mother at 26. I swore I would put my sleazy ways behind me, sex was no longer inportant. I had a baby to think about!!! He was 4 months old when I was introduced to who would later become my husband. I liked this guy. He was different than a lot of men I had dated and met all the criteria I had set (should I ever decide to date someone again). I chalked the things like he gave me nice little kisses after our dates and didn't try to sleep with me on the first date up as him being a real gentleman. We dated for 6 months before sleeping together because his AA sponsor had told him he needed to have a relationship that was based on something besides sex. (We are both members of AA...more about that later) I was so happy to be having sex again that I didn't care that I wasn't getting off. I thought for sure we would eventually start talking about it and I would be able to share with him what I liked and find out more of what turned him on. Although that talk never happened I ended up marrying him 3 yrs later. I have to say, I hid my disappointment about our sex life because he was such a great guy, responsible, good to my baby and was ready to settle down and have a family. I put my sexual needs and desires on the back burner, because I too wanted a family and try out the life of a mini-van driving suburban housewife. That brings me up to today......42, four awesome kids, and still married to a man who doesn't kiss me, won't talk about sex, avoids any kind of emotional and physical intimacy, and who doesn't put sex anywhere near the top of his list of priorities. A couple years ago I finally went out and bought a couple new vibrators. Although he knows I have them, he has no desire to see them, watch me use them or use them with me. I rubbed my clit during sex once or twice early in our relationship, but afterward I felt so uncomfortable and embarrassed, I wont do it again in front of him. He makes occasional jokes about me masturbating, but has no desire to watch me or hear any details. When we have sex, he will rub me until I'm wet, penetrate me for a minute or two, ejaculates, and rolls over. Most of the time I've had sex on my mind, or have recently masturbated so I get wet very quickly. I think I've gotten used to his timing and can have little bits of orgasms during sex. Most of the time I wait til he goes to sleep and get myself off. I love my orgasms when I masturbate and would love to share them with him, but I just don't see it happening. At one point I was so desperate to have someone tell me how hot it was to watch me masturbate, I borrowed a friend and had a couple romps with him. And then for a short time last year I had an affair with a guy I knew from high school (thanks facebook!!) It was wonderful....camping out in a hotel room for the day kissing, loving, touching, fucking, masturbating, snuggling, talking and cumming!!! I feel bad to have gone outside my marriage, I certainly don't want to hurt my husband, but I don't feel at all guilty for the pleasure I got from it. Not just physical, but mental, emotional, and spiritual pleasure as well. It was so good for me to experience that feeling of sexual freedom with someone again.
By joining, I hope to get support, suggestions, and just be able to have someone to share my thoughts, ideas, feelings, and experiences with and not be scared I'll be judged, shamed, and humiliated. Thank you for letting me introduce myself and tell you a bit of my story.

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Have you ever told your husband that the sex just sucks?

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 02:54
Heylin

Does your husband know that he sucks in bed? I was like you, seriously considering an affair because I was so frustrated, I learned some techniques on this site that helped me. Would it do any good to just tell him that you're not interested in fucking him because he comes so quick and just rolls over when he's done? I wouldn't recommend coming clean to your husband if you don't want a divorce. If he's a nice enough guy about everything else and you love him, I'd recommend that you keep your affairs on the down low. Sexual frustration is a leading cause of affairs in women.

Hi imb69, that sounds awful.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 01:32
Jake E

Hi imb69, that sounds awful. I think you should plan what your life would look like without him, how you would be emotionally and where you could get another partner. It sounds like you could. I think you should then tell him everything, the truth and tell him about your infidelity. If you don't want to be open and honest with him do what everyone else who doesn't want to be honest does, Subtley make his life so bad he commits infidelity himself and then leaves you and then you can say what a bastard he is :) Seriously that isn't the route to happiness. Tell him how you feel and if you feel you can, admit your affair, and if communcating honestly doesn't work, then part. 

Your husband.

starbuck's picture
Fri, 10/28/2011 - 13:49
starbuck

Is your husband religious by any chance? He certainly sounds like he is. He's what we call over here in the UK a "Wham Bam thank you Ma'am" kind of a man. In other words as long as he has his orgasm it doesn't matter about you and as a man myself I know how easy it is to just put it in move it around, ejaculate and think it's all over, but I like to take my time with sex so that it's enjoyable for both parties. This is where your husband needs some education I think. As for seeking solace elsewhere, I really can't say I blame you. You are entitled to enjoy sex as much as anyone. Anyway, I hope it all works out for you in the end and that you and hubby can sort it out before he loses someone who sounds so very special.