Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

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A few years ago, I spent an afternoon with Betty in a private session that was "life changing" in a way I could never have anticipated. During a private "anal eroticism" session, it took Betty over an hour to get me to the place where I was able to touch and view my anus. She suggested we rename it my "buddy-hole" so I could see it is a "pleasurable friend" and not a "scary den of germs and disease." Old childhood fears stood in the way of extremely pleasurable orgasms that eventually happened when I was able to stimulate my clitoris and the anal area at the same time.

Only after Betty's "anal session" did I start to become aware of how I was reacting whenever I was in a public restroom. I could feel myself becoming very anxious by wanting to "rush in and get out fast." Because I travel a lot and end up using public restrooms frequently, this was a disturbing behavior that had probably always been there, but now I was "aware" of it.

The next step after the "anal eroticism" session was the following summer. Each year I attend a two week meditation retreat where each participant is assigned a job. Last summer, I arrived early and talked to the person in charge of housekeeping and asked if I could sign up to "clean the bathrooms." Needless to say, she told me that no one had ever requested this job. Usually the jobs are randomly assigned as people arrive at the retreat center and cleaning the bathrooms is not at the top of the list of most sought-after jobs! It was very scary for me to request this job because I knew how uncomfortable I was in a public bathroom. But, Betty had opened a new horizon of pleasure for me and I didn't want to "close the door" on a part of my body that for me and for many others is so distasteful. Betty told me that early toilet training has life-long affects on a person and manifests itself in many ways that ends up affecting their quality of life and ultimately their orgasms (egads!).

I had no idea what "cleaning the bathroom" task would have in store for me. At the beginning of the retreat, each of us was trained for our jobs. I started cleaning the next morning. Instead of rushing in and out as fast as possible and cleaning the bathroom in lightning speed, (so I would not have to feel the anxiety)….I did all the various tasks very slowly and deliberately. In this way, I was able to "see" and be aware of just how my body was reacting to each part of the cleaning tasks. For example, I waited for my breathing to slow down before I started each task. A jolt came when I started to clean the toilet and gagged. I was shocked to see how I was reacting to something that so many people can do so easily with no reaction. When I saw clearly just how strong my reaction was, I immediately felt tears as I then knew just how BIG the pain was inside me. I stopped what I was doing and returned to my room to let the tears flow. I had a sense that these were childhood tears that had been stored inside me for many years.

This same experience was replayed over and over again in the next week as I kept going back every morning and doing what was so difficult for me. Each time I watched my reaction to cleaning the stuff in and around the toilet, all the hair in the shower and all over the floor. I gave myself permission to stop and let the pain go a number of times each morning as I did my job of cleaning the bathroom. I remember many times thinking that this pain has been "driving my bus." Hours and hours of tears came forth that I just let happen. One day it was so hard to clean the bathroom because it brought up so many old feelings that I couldn't finish the job until noon. What happened with Betty and the anal eroticism session had given me the courage to go deeper into the whole area of that "dreaded…scary anal place" that had been affecting the quality of my life, my serenity and even my orgasmic pleasure.

At the end of the retreat we had a large group session where we talked about our experience during the retreat if we wanted to. I told them about my experience of cleaning the bathrooms and all the hours and hours of tears that emerged as I saw clearly just how big this resistance was inside me and how I had been storing all that pain for so many years. After the group sharing people came up to me to comment on my experience. Many of them were therapists and they all told me just how toilet training experiences have scarred so many people for their entire lives.

When I returned home I read what my mother had written in my baby book about my toilet training. She'd put a suppository in me when I was only six-months-old to make me go to the bathroom. Also, when I was a one-year-old, she'd shut me in my room all day because I could not "go" when she wanted me to. For a one-year-old to be shut in a room all day alone has to be very painful. Mother was mentally ill and needed to control me to quiet her anxiety (her therapist told me that after she died). The pain inside me from my toilet training had left me with this HUGE feeling that I could "never do anything right." This makes perfect sense when I think about a small child trying her very best to please a demanding mother and never quite measuring up….never being able to "do it right!"

Releasing all that stored up pain has brought big unexpected changes in my life. I have much more confidence now. Many friends have commented on how I am more compassionate with myself. For example, I am less fearful in situations such as giving presentations in front of very large groups of people. And to top it all off, my orgasms have been GREAT when I involve the entire clitty/pussy/buddy-hole area.

THANK YOU, BETTY!