Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross
Better Orgasms. Better World.
Jake, strictly speaking I would think that the ruling class are those who are in the top few percent of a society in wealth and influence. The actual population of a country, those you speak of who have camera phones and (if lucky) the Internet, do have a great deal of power but only when it is organized and focused and informed with the unfiltered truth. Organized popular dissent, as during the Vietnam War in the US, caused the greatest alarm among government and industry leaders precisely because it did represent a real challenge to established power. In fact, it resulted in permanent changes which still echo today.
I'm sorry, I'm not clear on what you're asking in question 3. Are you asking what I personally would do to support a threatened democratically elected foreign government if I were a high official in the US? It's totally out of my mindset to even think along these lines. It seems to me you're as frustrated as we are, but would like some ideas about real-world solutions to political dilemmas rather than more objections to the status quo.
with everything you've just said, but we are different, and the question is in a position of power how would you deal with the situation yourself
If a competent elected democratic government is at risk of falling to a military coup of unelected idealogs, how would you deal with the request for assistance by the elected government. What kinds of rules do you think we should put around requests for assistance.
Yes, we now have prominent African-Americans; it's the American way to hold up a Hillary Clinton or a Barack Obama, and say, see, no gender or racial barriers here. But we have a hopeless undercaste now and little interest anywhere in society in changing this tragedy. As Michelle Alexander writes, There must be a movement that truly changes our American culture or something will come along to replace the new Jim Crow with more of the same.
Jake, I can't solve the world's problems, but the world would have a lot fewer problems if NATO (using NATO for shorthand for the U.S. and Europe) would stop fomenting wars all over the globe. We arm both sides (Iraq-Iran war) or we arm so-called rebels (Libya, Syria), then throw up our hands about what to do regarding the disastrous consequences to civilians. The U.S. is the world's greatest exporter of weaponry then we whine when the weapons are turned on us, which is very funny if you think about it.
The U.S. probably engineered the coup in Honduras; I think the response of the Latin American countries, which are becoming far more liberal than the U.S. and Europe, has been the only possible one: to condemn the overthrow of the democratically elected president and the resultant dictatorship. I am sure we are trying to do the same thing in every other Latin American nation; we tried it with Chavez and the Venezuelan people spoke. I don't think you understand how fantastic non-interference would be; democratically elected governments wouldn't have to be asking for help if they weren't being continually undermined.
By the way, the Egyptians overthrew MUBAREK pretty quickly. The army actually runs the country and hasn't gone anywhere, and I'm sure Egyptians would be the first people to tell you that nothing has changed. Beware the U.S.A. as a friend; it supported Mubarek for years but was ready to toss him aside as a pretense of change.
You're changing lives indeed by giving us the keys to get ourselves free and confident and happy which we all know is highly contagious so I really think you both deserve a reward for helping so many women to access to their real selves through pleasure.
For what concerns me, I'm no more dependent on a certain toy to have 'big style' orgasms and I succeed now to have another kind of orgasm with my hands only + breathing, rocking the pelvis and squeeze-releasing the Kegels. And yet another kind of extasy when just stroking my frenulum and fantasying. What next is to cum?
The bodysex video has moved me to tears and into Sisterhood, helping me to feel definitely guilt-free for masturbating and buying toys or watching porn. Nevertheless, it's more all what the site is offering as cunt-positivity and the Dr. Betty videos as well little videos showing masturbation techniques that helped me the most. Thank you again, you're making the world a sexier and a better place to live :)
Tobysgirl thanks for answering the 1st question. But what would you do about the 2nd question. If a civil war produces a humanitarian disaster and civilian refugees are living in an NGO's camp inside that countries borders. How do you protect those refugees.
In the 3rd question, we must all surely agree that western backed military coups that overthrew democratically elected governments were bad, but our task in the 3rd question concerns how we change now and in the future.
If a competent elected democratic government is at risk of falling to a military coup of unelected idealogs, how would you deal with the request for assistance by the elected government. What kinds of rules do you think we should put around requests for assistance.
Patrick I think your right that sometimes change has taken a long time. But as I felt when Bush got into power, prop 8 passed and Egyptians overthrew their government pretty swiftly, aren't the ruling class in a contemprary society in fact the majority, who are online and armed with consumer dollars and camera phones.
Patrick what if you were in office, how would you deal with question 3, Would you enter soveriegn territory to protect refugees or would you deal with the problem in another way.

Any solutions, Jake, have to be envisioned in the long term. You've asked some very important questions, but the superpower governments we're talking about are not going to suddenly start cooperating for the good of humanity. These folks have been in the cynical, selfish power game far too long. Their militaristic tendencies are very deeply entrenched in the ruling classes but they aren't immutable. Like slaveholders, the ruling elites won't willingly give up their privileges and they are unlikely to change their ways any time soon. The only force that has a chance at effecting real change is continuous popular (I don't mean violent) political and economic pressure. This is difficult partly because the ruling classes own the mass media and therefore directly control and shape the flow of information that forms popular opinion. Naturally, nearly every 'fact' we get on television and in other media has gone through a kind of template that filters out most dissenting information (although the Internet has begun to change the game.)
In practical terms, it will take a prolonged change in consciousness that comes about through persistence and through organizing with like-minded, peace-oriented people. A good analogy might be with the American civil rights movement. It began long ago, but it was not until the middle 20th century that the hard, courageous work of pioneers like Frederick Douglass actually bore much tangible fruit. 'Jim Crow', apartheid-style racial laws were the rule in the US well into the 1960s, as I remember from my own childhood. Now that has totally changed, and similar legal rights are gradually being extended to more and more formerly disenfranchised groups. The concept that every human being has equal dignity and inherent rights would have been met with incredulity for most of human history, in which slavery was universally accepted as both 'normal' and desirable. We now know without any doubt that societies can be transformed for the better, but often in ways that appear so gradual and evolutionary that they may seem imperceptible during one human lifetime. Fortunately the work of transforming societies into more compassionate, equitable communities has already begun in the form of the human rights movements that have taken root all over the world. These movements are here to stay. Like many of those before us, we won't live to see the complete realization of our dreams, but we can try to contribute something to that more peaceful future.
Dear Betty,
Thank you so much for this great story. It brought back many memories of my own father. One being; going Sunday afternoons in the car to watch B&O trains roll by a coaling station and water tower a few miles from our house.
Take care,
There may be a very few people who need to take these drugs, but I doubt it. The people I've known who were taking them seemed pretty depressed to me, so they were prescribed higher and higher dosages, more medications, etc. We live in a depressing, stressful culture, as Daniel says, and the only thing we can do to challenge the medicalization of everyday life is take charge of our health. Admittedly, this is harder to do than swallowing the poisons doctors hand out.
Do you dislike the government in Iran as do many Iranians? They had a democratically elected president in the 1950s whom the U.S. overthrew at the request of British Petroleum, installing the Shah, one of the world's most vicious dictators.
I strongly doubt the efficacy of UN "peacekeepers." Do you have any idea how much the Haitian people -- who continue, two centuries later, to be persecuted by France, Canada, and the U.S. -- hate and despise UN personnel? UN personnel who were running brothels in what used to be Yugoslavia? Have you ever asked yourself how Yugoslavia, a liberal, relatively wealthy nation, ended up in chaos? I have to read more about it, but there are those who say it was U.S. efforts at destabilization.
Your country and mine have done nothing except create misery all over the world, so our bleeding hearts for their suffering citizens don't mean much to me. We need to stop interfering and thinking we have the right to interfere.
Honduras had a democratically elected president overthrown by a military coup. The U.S. supports the takeover, which has left Honduras horribly violent, as it did Pinochet in Chile. My country has a long history of supporting the military coups of unelected ideologues, so I'm not worried about us assisting any democratically elected governments.
on the non-effectiveness of most anti-depressents. I believe it was some Asian culture who saw depression as the natural process that happened before making a breakthrough.
I'm familiar with Dr. Levines book. When I quoted him one member of D&R complained because he was just a psychologist and not a medical doctor. If they only knew how much money the pharmaceutical companies pump into doctors by offering them gifts of elaborate vacations in ideal locaations.
Some people think that i've never been depressed. Really? They should try to publically promote masturbation and see how much fun it is NOT. The way I'd deal with those hopeles periods was to increase my orgasms with more masturbation or partnersex. Also Yoga and meditation was very healing for me. The one med I would recommend would be cannibus, but we are still in the process of legalizing this amazing plant.
Probably the best book on this is "Surviving America's Depression Crisis" by Bruce E. Levine. For the most part, Betty does not say that everyone should go off their medications. But her thoughts line up quite accurately with Dr. Levine's. He does not say anyone should go off their medications if they are helping you. But he scathingly questions the larger issues around anti-depressants, the passive acceptance of chemical solutions to everything, the ignorance of larger cultural aspect of modern life that lionize CONFORMITY and SUPPRESSION of individuality, the fact that no one questions the effectiveness of the pills, when largely they only work if you BELIEVE in them, and if they are truly anti-depressants, why do they suppress sexual drive, which SHOULD be a normal, healthy and positive thing? He also dares to ask, Whats wrong with being a little depressive now and then? Also, the pill solution evolved because no-one wanted to stigmatize depression. The goal was to prevent people from believing depression was "their fault". Yet that issue has backfired since now they are only responsible to take their pills. But assigning blame to something else (brain chemistry) has damaged the morale and motivation depressed people need to DO SOMETHING more than just wait for their diagnosis and new pill. This is all very disempowering. Our culture has a lot of blame to take for depression, and yet we try to solve that problem with a pill. For a lot of people, they're still taking the pills, and still waiting for results.
In the above post, you mention vibrating/masturbating for 1-2 hours for those who have never orgasmed (like yours truly, age 30), but the instructions for the hitachi magic wand that came in the box indicate that for safety reasons, it should not be used for longer than 25 minutes continuously...?
Do you think the only reason Islamic terrorists attack in the west is because of the US coalitions involvement in the middle east and if there was no involvement, the acts of terror would be restricted to the middle east.
Do you think the only response to a humanitarian disaster is to provide humanitarian assistance through NGO's and GO's or do you think we should provide refugees with UN security.
If a competent elected democratic government is at risk of falling to a military coup of unelected idealogs, how would you deal with the request for assistance by the elected government. What kinds of rules do you think we should put around requests for assistance.
Have you ever considered hypnotism. While your on meds and stable you have the freedom to try new things. Hypnotism reprograms your subconscious and it's that part of your mind that causes your depression. If you have free consultations with several hypnotherapists they could advise you on how they may be able to slowley reduce your meds as the alternative treatment slowley takes over. Then choose your hypnotherapist. It may work and I think it's worth a try.
The alternatives? I am old enough to realize alternatives will not be pursued. I can think of endless alternatives, the first one being that war NEVER makes life better for women and children. It is not your business to go to another country and tell them how they need to be decent and humane; look at yourself first. How can Americans be self-righteous about rape in India? We live in a country where rape and militarism are woven densely into the culture.
What is the first alternative? Stop supporting fundamentalists. The U.S. began funding what became the Taliban in the 1970s, all in the name of undermining the Soviet Union. We funded (are funding?) fundamentalists in Libya to overthrow Qadaffi. The debacle in Bengazi should have been no surprise; the State Department was well aware that Bengazi was HQ for the extremist fundamentalists we had been funding. Ditto, Syria. One may dislike Assad, but the "rebels" (would this sort of rebellion be permitted in the U.S. or U.K.?) offer nothing better and something probably much worse.
The only practical alternative is to inform yourself and stop thinking you have the right to tell other people how to behave through intervening in their nations. Become what you wish the world to be and learn to accept that the world is never going to be what you wish.
I will leave you with the paraphrased words of James Baldwin: You must learn to accept the world as it is, to realize it is okay, and at the same time, you must never accept the world as it is and work for justice. This is called paradox and is to my mind the essence of spirituality. And as D'Angelo says:
AIN'T NO JUSTICE, JUST US.
Betty-
As a Gender & Sexuality Studies major, I respect the advances you have made to the field. However, I have to disagree with your dismissal of antidepressants and unwillingness to help people work through their issues.
I'm reading through this section because I have never had an orgasm because I am on antidepressants. I was hoping to find information on how to have an orgasm without sacrificing my medication/mental health. However, all I'm seeing is condemnation of anyone who takes antidepressants. Here is my story:
I was put on antidepressants after a year of crying every night, not being able to do anything, hating myself, self-harming, wishing I was dead. I was 18. If you think that's wrong, well let me tell you something: I would have killed myself if I hadn't been put on antidepressants.
When I became sexually active in college, it frustrated me to no end that I couldn't get off. I knew it was because of my antidepressants, so I started seeing a psychiatrist and she started reducing my dosage so I could actually experience orgasm. Far from having the intended effect, I became so suicidal that I went to the emergency room and spent a few days in a psych hospital. That experience still haunts me. Afterwards, my psychiatrist raised my dose again and put me on Wellbutrin.
Now that I'm more stable, I'm going to try to reduce my dosage again, while staying on Wellbutrin, because my lack of orgasm is causing me the most stress/anxiety in my life, and I'm more confident in my support system.
Here's the thing, Betty. I see you reading these comments and then completely failing to acknowledge them. I'm sure you've never had depression, otherwise you would understand. I read the article by Marcia Angell, you don't have to throw that at me. So what if my meds are only 20% effective? 20% is better than nothing. So before you condemn people who take antidepressants, maybe you should readjust your worldview and try to teach them ways to have orgasms without going off the meds. For some people (like myself), antidepressants have literally saved lives.
I envisage a world police run by the UN, rather than the US doing the policing and decision making. Cetainly there needs to be an international effort to stop people who kill innocent people but killing innocent people in the process isn't acceptable. My point is it's very easy to say what is wrong but very difficult to propose alternatives.
If in a failing state acid is thrown at little girls going to school, that is of interest to all humanity. If people plan to bomb a passenger train in Newyork or Iraq because they resent that interest how do you deal with them. How do you protect innocent people, how do you stand up for human rights. Complaining about the financial self interest of the US military is valid but it's not enough, we need to propose alternatives here, and criticise each others ideas so we have good alternatives.
As an example you can say the British should get out of America, we're paying them taxes. But what do you replace the british with. Jake says let landowners elect a monarch for life. Tobygirl crits that. In the end many people create a dialogue and exchange ideas and the US constitition is born. A world constitution for dealing with conflict that isn't self interested , that pools resources and spreads decision making can come from positive constructive ideas. We all know what is wrong here, what are our suggested solutions.
Fortunately -- and it's kind of like looking at the stars and realizing that no matter what we've done to this planet there are billions more -- ALL empires come to an end, one of the lessons I enjoy from the Bible. We will probably self-implode, as our country wastes its wealth on financing Al Qaeda (yes, Jake), spying on its citizens (a former Army officer, a professor at Holyoke, spoke of the huge expenditure involved), glutting the already-glutted wealthy, and destroying the irreplaceable environment.
My girlfriend is plus-sized, much shorter and probably similar in weight. Having her on top of me is one of my favorite positions, and it is not a problem for me at all. No discomfort. I like for her to have the control that she has on top of me, and I also like looking up at her gorgeous body and the look of pleasure in her face. And I can reach up and fondle her titties or play with her clit very easily in that position when I don't have to support myself. And like you said, if she begins to tire, she can lay on top of me. It feels wonderful that way, too. But then, I find that everything that we do feels wonderful.
We have never tried any contraptions like you describe, but that would be interesting. Unless her weight is really a problem, I'm not sure it is worth the hassle of rigging it up, except for just some additional sexual variety. I would suggest that she talk to him to see if her weight is a problem for him at all when she is on top. If she finds that he does consider it to be a problem, it would be fun to work together to devise a positon or equipment to resolve the issue. But until she talks to him, she is just assuming that it is a problem.
If it is not a problem for the woman for a normally heavier man to be on top, why should it be a problem for a heavy woman to be on top of the man.
I edited out a long paragraph from my already-long original post making this very point, Tobysgirl, but I decided to try to directly address Jake's query. I'm sure that none of us seriously believe that such 'stun weapons' are in development, and if they were, they would lack the 'shock and awe' murderousness of which the military and politicians are so fond. That's what's in the historical record: violent American land grabs and coups d'etat going back centuries and including the US overthrow and seizure of the sovereign nation of Hawaii in 1893 and (among other acts) the sabotage of democratically elected governments in Chile, Nicaragua, and Iran. If there were stun weapons, US policy makers would assume that it was their absolute divine right to use them as they chose, against any country they chose. Hubris indeed, and it shows no signs of stopping.
Hi Dr. Betty & D,
There are so many things throughout your life that you will find that "turn you on" as a 56 yr old man I still find myself turning my head when a beautiful older woman walks by or comes into a room. After high school most of my relationships were with women that were older than me. I couldn't control it or change it, I just remember I had that urge to be with that person or I knew I wanted to know that person.
Whatever the relationship, it was always wonderful so roll with it. If your lucky enough to end up in the sack with a wonderful cougar learn as much as you can it will pay off later. So enjoy it ;))