Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

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No, you're not. The imagined sensation of the soft stomach hiding those hardening muscles is one I can't properly verbalize. Rubbing and massaging flesh full of life and it's warmth from the burning of calories. Fucking that transforming person as they melt from one shell to another.

Where did Xtina get her pheromone producing TV? I want one too.

I can just see her, perched real close to watch the show, face almost pressed against the screen, her perspiration obvious in the TV's glow.

But really, I have first hand experience with the hotness of seeing a man drop some extra pounds. He changed his exercise routine, finally lighting on what works for him, dropped 40 lbs, and I experienced a renewed need to stare at him as an object of lust. He's not ripped by any definition, but his fitness and new mussel definition + his obvious pride in his new self, the sparkle in his eyes, affected me.

He'd often come up after a workout, sweat rolling down his newly carved shoulders and sexy calves, then drop and show me his latest insanely difficult push-up position. I was only to happy to stroke that ego.

Other stuff was going on with me as well, so my renewed sexual objectification of him was definitely not just because of his physical changes, but after reading Xtina's blog, I feel like there maybe a stronger connection then I had previously considered.

Also found this info (probably from a link on this site:) and it makes sense to me:

1. Testosterone breaks down extra fast in stomach fat, and low testosterone in men = tired, less likely to be in the mood, less fertile
2. Exercise and lifting weights = increased testosterone needed to build muscle mass = higher sex drives.

He's putting it out there more, and I'm eating it up. It's the law of nature. He roars, I purrr in response.

Hi Xtina,

I'm all for you getting off on whatever you think is hot...more
power to ya! However, a few of my thoughts
on your (fairly sizist and anti-fat) post are:

On the actual show: What
is far unhealthier than any person being fat is the way the contestants go
about losing weight so rapidly. From extreme food restriction (many starve themselves
to have the advantage at weigh-in), to unsafe physical activity (the goal of exercise
should never be to burn EVERY calorie you ingest), to questionable psychological
tactics (encouraging contestants that they will finally be worthy of love and
respect once they are thin)...these are not the makings of a healthy lifestyle –
not even an entertaining show.

Your concept as fat people as sexual beings: My guess is
that perhaps you haven’t had many (if any) sexual encounters with fat men or
women. Your general assumption that fat people are inadequate sex partners with
no stamina, no confidence, no strength, nor any desire and ability to be the risk-taker/power/top/domme
in the bedroom is laughable (but also offensive). Further, that the ONLY way we can shed this
shyness and become worthy and satisfying sex partners is to lose weight is also
comical, if not sad that you think so. Some
fat people may in fact be like this, but not only are there many skinny people
who are as well, but there are MANY fat people who are quite the opposite. And
speaking of “opposite” – I don’t think a fetish attraction to the Biggest Loser
concept is that much different than feeder fetishism (albeit for a different
reason); regardless of the turn-ons they may provide, they are ultimately both not
very healthy choices for the one losing or gaining the weight.

And before you say it, I get that you were just articulating
a fantasy. But even fantasies are still derived from ideas that we hold as
self-evident, even if they may be exaggerated.

I love this site (including your posts). It is an open and free space to share
thoughts and dialogue about sex and sexuality. But in that openness, I am often
reminded that even amongst a group of people who testify to be embracing and accepting
of all sexual identities, lifestyles and choices, that anti-fat discourse continues
to be the only bigoted mindset that pops up here and there. It's really unfortunate.

Of course, not asking or expecting you to change your mind,
but I did just want to share a different POV since sharing your thoughts
publicly means agreeing to have it responded to by the public.  ;>

I <3 comments! Stephen, I know what you mean - reminds me of Rocky Horror Picture Show. A major theme in that musical was Charles Atlas's theory about "muscular tension" - the image of your muscles pushing and pressing together in order to become stronger. Such an EROTIC image and even when I see my own biceps tensing up I get a little excited.

Damn... pushups, Chris? Ugh. I wanna do shit like that!

May I just rant a moment here and say that it's funny we have to be so flippin sensitive about how we talk about fat people on this website but as soon as an issue like this is brought to the table, I get called out by the thought police.

Thanks for bringing something new to the table, mica. I <3 arguments! I knew that for those who would agree with what I said, there was going to be the obvious plenty who thought this was anti-sizist, though I've said nothing bad about fat people at all. In fact, our perceptions of size are probably going to be different anyway, and I hardly spoke in generalities. Everything I said is in reference to the show, including the Southern boy who I spoke about. None of what I said was some blanketed statement about fat people or their sexual performance. Why are you offended?

Essentially, what it comes down to is the preservation of positive body image. And I get that; but sometimes we cut off our noses to spite our faces. In regards to this post, All of the contestants on The Biggest Loser were unhealthy before they came on the show, and their illnesses were directly caused by their weight size. Many of them had a hard time performing basic physical tasks that a human being should do without even thinking about it. Health aside and worst of all, their self-esteems were dangerously low. None of them knew exactly what they were capable of. They hadn't challenged themselves enough to develop the confidence and ambition that can keep them healthy and motivated in every part of their lives.

As I mentioned in the post, it isn't about looks for me. I was excited to see these people who felt so broken or sad before go through the intense and emotional journey of seeing how far they can go - and to see that change through the transformation of their bodies is amazing. Mind you, many of them suddenly don't become skinny or attain what we may consider an ideal body weight. They build muscle, they have more passion, they sweat, they have drive - I just came. And they go through this process with the help of physicians; also there's a disclaimer at the end of each show that says each contestant has a diet and fitness system catered to their body weight and heath levels. I know that in the gym it does seem hazardous to see these people in pain - but that's my favorite part. I know how it feels. It's the worst and best feeling in the world, and VERY sexual, which is why I sexualize it. But, people shouldn't be afraid to go to this place. Everyone should strive to challenge themselves. And exercise is a safe way to do this. And it's fucking sexy.

**Also, in regards to the self-starvation they do on the show. I'm sure you're right. This season, a man ate 5000+ calories in one day as his winning strategy. While it did help him win, his trainers openly opposed the use of his body for such a competitive advantage. I think it's mostly frowned upon when people do go to the extreme for the wrong reasons (win a game vs. become a better person).

**Also, I'm a sex worker. I've had sex with all sorts of people. And I've seen how one's body and health affect their sex performance. It does make a difference for some people whose weight directly affects their health. I've written about a man who spent his earlier years eating unhealthy food and indulging in unhealthy habits - now he has to use a penis pump. I've had clients who can't move or perform as much as they want to sexually because of their weight gain. And their confidence is directly affected because they feel powerless over it. Do all fat people feel this way? Of course not. Do some? Sure.

"Illusion is the first of all pleasures" - Oscar Wilde

www.afantasticnightmare.com

Here link to another post here on D&R that references "size-ism."

http://dodsonandross.com/blogs/betty-dodson/2010/05/ageless-sex

If we are going to confuse the issue of general health with discrimination, we should at least coordinate so we don't duplicate attacks.

You may choose to dismiss my thoughts as being “too
sensitive” or as part of the “thought police,” a reaction I am all too familiar
with when discussing size diversity, racism or heterosexism. But I would suggest that a response like that,
including suggesting that it’s funny, actually only shows your sensitivity to
being called out. I do recognize these forums can be difficult because we spend
so much time responding to what we THINK each other meant, where in-person or
real-time dialogue allow that interaction to help the communication.

For me, the point I was trying to make was that I am all for
your sexual self-expression, including whatever fantasies and sexual
preferences that may include. It’s one of the reasons I enjoy reading the many
posts on this site. But what I responded to was the jump to include a
discussion (and presumption) about physical and mental health status as it
relates to being fat.

I also understand that you’re a sex worker. But this doesn’t
intuitively suggest that the experiences you have had can sum it up for EVERY
fat person. And although some your written words seem to suggest you might have
an understanding of that, more resonant is your insistence that these bad experiences
are unique to fat people.

To sum it up: thin men use penis pumps too. Skinny people
are also awkward, inflexible, uncoordinated, uncomfortable sex partners
(depending on one’s expectations and preference). Thin people have tons (pun intended!)
of self-esteem and body image issues. The
fact that we so often use a thin person’s abilities – even in SEX! – to determine
success or failure of all others is indicative of an oppressive consciousness. Further,
fat is not an indicator of health; nor is fat an indicator of sexual
dysfunction and less-than-pleasing sexual technique.

What’s ultimately interesting to me is that it seems you are
unwilling, maybe just uninterested, to acknowledge or discuss the bigger picture – the social and political power
struggles that exist around the issues of size and health and how they directly impact the experience and negative perception
(including your perception) of fat people, who are also sexual beings.

You know... I'm going to stop here and I will gladly give you my email: chriscicchelli@yahoo.com. Because I really don't want to get into this bigger picture because I believe that everyone's perception about what "Fat" means is VERY different. If you work in the fashion industry, your definition of fat is different than someone who works as a personal trainer, an actress, an athlete, a politician, or someone who likes to read style magazines. The fact that so much negativity has been placed on the word "fat" has now made it a loaded word. So let's toss this argument out because it really wasn't the point of the article anyway, a point I should have mentioned from the very beginning.

Sexual fantasies, for many of us, do not paint a picture of equality, nor do they always boast positive images. For many of us, we can't help it if our fantasies have racist, agist, violent or sizist undertones or overtones. In fact, those very political and social power struggles that you speak of definitely do not mean the same thing in the context of fantasy (no wonder we can't agree!); instead those power struggles become sexualized elements to these naughty thoughts we have.

As I'm sure you know, just because you fantasize about a particular thought doesn't mean you want it to happen, nor would you let those fantasies persuade how you perceive people on a regular basis. Actually, a fantasy is pretty much harmless until 1) You tell someone else about it or 2) You actually try to fulfill the fantasy on your own. Then, you're open up to a world of judgment, negative response, possible imprisonment, finger-shaking from the peanut gallery, or (HOPEFULLY!!) a fucking awesome and cathartic experience that benefits everyone!

Fantasies are indulgences; they're fluff. They mean everything and nothing at the same time - this is why they're so incredibly amazing and scary! My fantasy is unique to me but inexplicable; it's not like I knew I would get so turned on by the show but I did. And I'm not ashamed of that. I understand your concerns BUTT (big butt) you've read my posts, right? You know my love for large breasts and Christina Hendricks. I've masturbated to R. Crumb drawings and love watching big-bottomed women on bicycles (I blame Queen for that one). How is it that I can objectify, degrade, eroticize, then pervert a type of person all in one go? Don't know. I just think these thoughts because it feels good. And I could sit here all day and wonder why. But, I don't because my fantasies are varied, and it's much more productive to go through the process of exploring these fantasies than it is to isolate it and put it under some sort of microscope for observation.

My point is that sometimes we can't choose what we wank off to. We can control how we use our forbidden fodder to shape our role in the world, but that's about it. So, you can say it's an anti-fat fantasy and, thus, this post is anti-fat too. Fine. I don't care about that because in the real world, where I'm not allowed to publicly violate Miss Hendricks or masturbate to a sweaty fat man grunting on a treadmill, this fantasy doesn't apply, even if the real world influenced it.

As for the thought police comment... hmm... let me see. I posted an essay about a sexual fantasy, a thought, that I had while I watched TV. You don't like the post because I can't fantasize about fat people in a positive way and, as you say. You make a big shpeel about why the show I picked was an unhealthy option, assumed I never had sex with someone big before, and only mentioned fetishism once and still downplayed it because it still promoted negative ideas. I don't mind if you don't agree with what I say, especially if you introduce concepts I haven't considered. But, to

I agree with tossing the argument of the word fat out since I was never arguing it. :> I don’t have a problem with the word and much prefer it to terms that are wrought with social and medical stigma, i.e. “overweight” and “obese.” Also would agree that there are perhaps different perceptions of what qualifies as fat, but this wasn’t the “bigger picture” I was referring to.

In the end, I think you’re totally right about the freedom of sexual fantasies and how they often “do not paint a picture of equality, nor do they always boast positive images,” and that those “isms” often serve as a drive for sexual turn-on in this context. Therefore, I don’t really care about how you choose to fantasize about fat people. Also, I don’t think you sharing your fantasies stops them from being harmless. They still are. But, does it open you up to judgment and negative response (although I would say it opens it up for critical discussion about the issue OUTSIDE of fantasy)? Sure. So, would I apologize for engaging this discussion, regardless if it was the purpose of your post? Of course not! :)

But I think I get it; your postings are simply not the forum to have those types of discussions and that they are meant to be read for more entertainment and “fluff.” I can understand that.  Happy wanking!!!