Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross
Better Orgasms. Better World.
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Betty's Vaginal Barbell |
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My Romantic Love Wars: A Sexual Memoir - EBOOK EDITION |
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Betty Dodson's Bodysex Workshop DVD |
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Betty Dodson Liberating women one orgasm at a time |
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Carlin Ross Sex, Politics & More Sex |
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Eric Amaranth Sex life coaching, real life erotica, and wellness |
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Lawrence Lanoff Reality Hacker. Sex Educator. Geek. |
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LilithLand Women, Sex, Culture & Relationships |
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BorderReiver Restoring My Foreskin |
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Caitlin Bovard From the bible belt to under the belt |
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Caitlin Roberts Taking Back "Slut" |
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cajun sausage Lovin' Dr. Betty since 1996! |
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Christina Cicchelli Professional Pervert |
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Jenn Parenthood. With Cursing |
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Jessica Kramer Liberating Birth |
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jexhibitionism 23. Canadian. Queer. |
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Kasini Poet. Educator. Catalyst. Mother. |
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LesleyS Redefining my sexual self after babies. |
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Logan Levkoff sexologist, sex educator, intellisexual, author, mom |
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Marisa Black Finding room for all of me |
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Marylou Naccarato Learn how to raise your level of “Sexability” |
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Palesa Art + Sex + Media + Empowerment |
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The ED Coach Pa... Helping Men Regain Their Sexuality |
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Princess What would my mother say? |
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VirginMonoblogger Thought all virgins were the same? Think again. |
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WildOrchid A selfsexual, toy loving, possibly bisexual total virgin |
Some women call their men "Daddy." Not just during sex, but in regular conversation and as a term of endearment. I could never envision calling my male partner anything other than his actual name, with the occasional "baby" or "darling" thrown in.
Some people think women who have "daddy issues" call their men by that name, because they're clinging to the nearest authoritative male figure. Others think it's simply just synonymous with "sweetheart" or "honey." Whatever the reason, I can sort of understand why women choose that name in particular for the top male in their life.
I can *totally* envision calling my mature female partner "Mom" or "Mommy." If not that, then I would feel more comfortable putting a "Ms." in front of their name, just to make it that much more evident that we aren't equal. I know that if I were to ever get into a relationship with a mature woman, I would be expecting an intense mother-daughter relationship with a healthy amount of partially submissive sex. That is so perverted and could really end up being pretty destructive if boundaries aren't established and things don't remain balanced. I don't even know what those boundaries should be.
I was on the phone with someone a few weeks ago, and we were talking about childhood memories. I was telling her that my favorite memory I have of fourth grade was when my class would walk down the hall in a line and I would reach up and hold my teacher's hand until we got to our destination. My mom never let me hold her hand when I would ask, and when she did, it was only so I didn't run my ass out into traffic. I think that's so sad. Embarrassing fact: To this day, I love holding hands with people. It doesn't matter who (as long as it's not my mom). A few months ago, I was holding hands with my friend in Wal Mart, just because. When I worked with kids, I would hold their hands all the time. That was probably my most favorite part of my job (and trust me, there weren't very many things I liked about it). Hand-holding sounds so simple, but it's so comforting to me.
You'll hear me say that I don't "need anyone," and that's true. I don't. I don't need anyone to feel important or validated or complete. As an only child, I've had to make it work with just me. I can make it just fine on my own, but truly? Deep down, I am so completely emotionally needy, it's crazy and probably bordering on unhealthy. I need to hear "I love you," but I want whoever is saying it to mean it. I never expect to hear it back when I say it to someone. I need physical contact. Not sex, but hugs and touching. I never got that from my mom. She asked for a hug on Mother's Day when I gave her a card and I hesitated before leaning for the (incredibly awkward) embrace. I truly felt bad about that... for a few hours.
Therapy has made me so much more aware of my maternal needs and how they've translated into the type of relationship that I want. Something odd? I've been going since the beginning of April and I have yet to cry. Me. The biggest cry-baby EVER has yet to cry in an environment that screams for me to sob uncontrollably. Not because I don't want to. I've teared up (and my therapist has noticed), but I have such a need to maintain composure that I won't just let myself cry. I feel like this is a "breakdown to breakthrough" situation, but I'm too scared to "go there."
People always tell me that things will get better, or at least change, between me and my mom when I move out and I start living my life independently. Things will change inevitably, but I'm pretty sure those things won't be for the better. A while ago, she was telling me how she wanted us to get our nails done and go to lunch together, just so we could stay caught up on each other's lives once I moved out. That won't ever happen. I could write for days about the things that have happened between us that has made our relationship completely irreparable, and those things aren't even related to the "mistakes" she has made in raising me (because it's hard to blame someone for those). I truly don't like her as a person, so I'm not going to voluntarily subject myself to being around her. I'm not a masochist.
I have an upcoming appointment where I asked my therapist specifically to help me tap into those emotions I've been fighting. She sounded excited to hear that. I'm nervous, but oddly excited, to feel all the things I've been suppressing for years.
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This makes me sad
As a mother, this post really breaks my heart. I am not going to win any mother of the year awards, but there is a lot of affection between my children and myself. In fact, I look back and am amazed that my oldest daughter doesn't hate me because I was a real bitch when she was growing up. Reading your post made me realize how fragile the relationships between parents and children are. It also causes me to have great respect for you because you are an amazing woman with a strong voice who is not afraid to seek help in order to heal your wounds. I hope you have your catharsis.
Oh, VMB.
You remind me so much of myself it's crazy. Right down to the emotional neediness.
I have the same need for physical contact, but it's a little different- I cannot STAND to be touched first. I have to be the one to reach out, otherwise it feels like an invasion of my personal space. And I know that's completely insane, but it's true. I've also really wanted to hold hands with people, but nobody ever seems to want to... They usually pull away quietly or ask why I'm touching them.
I hope that session goes well for you. I know you need to get rid of all the baggage- something I could use some of myself- and you'll feel a million times better once you do.
Also, the idea of calling a man "Daddy" really seems gross to me. Even if he was older, I feel like once you're being sexual with someone, the parental names ought to not come into play. Ugh.
being a mom, as heylin,I was
being a mom, as heylin,I was sad to read your blog. But as a child who wasn't very affectionate with her parents I understand your needs.Being affectionate towards my parents has always been awkward for me.Yet my son and I are very affectionate towards each other.At almost 15,he still holds my hand when we walk and kisses me either on the lips or cheek.I will tell you this...let yourself cry.Its the best therapy out there. I always feel better after a good cry. I have become a big mush since becoming a mother. Almost anything will make me shed a tear, seeing someone propose, a baby being born,a baby/child loosing their life before it began,and anything that tugs at my heart strings.
On the "daddy" note.... I remember old Marilyn Monroe movies where she calls her guy "daddy".From her it sounded sexy. As a joke my male friends will say "who's your daddy?" but i never called a lover "daddy".It's odd.
keep up with your sessions.... hopefully you will get the break through you need.
'Calling my mature female partner "Mom" or "Mommy."'
It was interesting to read this, and I wanted to post to let you know that being in a relationship where one person calls the other Mummy/Mommy/Daddy or something similar can work and be healthy. I know it's something that's taboo for a lot of people, and makes them uncomfortable, and it's probably not that common, though I have met other people with similar relationships to my own.
My partner and I are the same age, and she calls me 'Mummy'. She is my girl/daughter, but also my girlfriend, and they don't conflict with each other, that's just how our relationship is: I am her Mummy all of the time; we don't set aside specific times to be those 'roles'. (We do ageplay, and she is sometimes little, but we don't decide when to do this, it just depends on when she feels little.) I don't see it as a role, but rather as part of my identity and the way I relate to her.
I am happy in my relationship with her, I love being a Mummy, and I find it satisfying. I know that this post will make some people feel uncomfortable, but I felt the need to share my experience, and to say that being in a relationship like this is, for me, healthy, and does work. It's a way of being/ being in a relationship that isn't for everyone, but isn't necessarily or automatically negative or destructive.
'Calling my mature female partner "Mom" or "Mommy."'
It was interesting to read this, and I wanted to post to let you know that being in a relationship where one person calls the other Mummy/Mommy/Daddy or something similar can work and be healthy. I know it's something that's taboo for a lot of people, and makes them uncomfortable, and it's probably not that common, though I have met other people with similar relationships to my own.
My partner and I are the same age, and she calls me 'Mummy'. She is my girl/daughter, but also my girlfriend, and they don't conflict with each other, that's just how our relationship is: I am her Mummy all of the time; we don't set aside specific times to be those 'roles'. (We do ageplay, and she is sometimes little, but we don't decide when to do this, it just depends on when she feels little.) I don't see it as a role, but rather as part of my identity and the way I relate to her.
I am happy in my relationship with her, I love being a Mummy, and I find it satisfying. I know that this post will make some people feel uncomfortable, but I felt the need to share my experience, and to say that being in a relationship like this is, for me, healthy, and does work. It's a way of being/ being in a relationship that isn't for everyone, but isn't necessarily or automatically negative or destructive.
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