Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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Dear Lord, last night was the weirdest, most awesome things I've experienced in... Yeah, forever.

Let me start out by saying I planned to lose my virginity. Yep, I planned it. I knew how, when, and where I wanted to let it happen. I don't like spontaneity. I'll ask you to tell me the ending of a book or movie and I'll still watch and enjoy it.

I had my mind made up. I was 100% sure that this was what I wanted.... Until I asked two people their opinions on the issue and then I got mixed up. I was presented with so many legitimate reasons why I shouldn't, but I still have just as many reasons why I should.

I picked out the sexy underwear two days in advance. I planned to wear my nicest bra (which is hard, since they're all pretty boring and old). I was going to wear eyeliner and every smear on some lip gloss.

Then... I stopped. That isn't who I am. I don't wear thongs anymore (and I didn't like them for the brief time that I did). I don't even LIKE wearing bras. I don't wear make up of any kind. Why was I trying to look impressive? I decided to wear jogging pants, a pony tail, and a hoodie, just like I would any other time. I did, however, buy a dollar store ovulation test (which was negative for luteinizing hormone, so I'm not ovulating).

So, I suppose I'll go ahead and say that no, I did NOT get any dick last night. I didn't get scared and not do it, I just "wasn't feeling it", besides the fact that my resident fuck buddy hasn't been heard from since... Um... Wednesday. By anyone. So, maybe he's missing, maybe he's out of town, or maybe I got stood up. Doesn't make a bit of a difference to me. He doesn't belong to me, my heart wasn't exactly set on popping my cherry, and I still had a fantastic time.

Me and two other friends (not MW or our other pregnant friend) got a motel room for the festivities. Yes, this is a routine now. We're young college students, so we all still live at home. None of our parents would put up with the shit that is bound to happen at any of our sleepovers.

After several gulps of Smirnoff green apple vodka (fun fact: you know the little white stopper that's in vodka to keep it from pouring out too fast? I can totally remove those with my teeth), we were in the party mood. There was kissing, tongue touching, boobs/vulva flashing, and I'm pretty sure I licked pre-mixed Mai Tai off of my friend's boob... And then my own.

One of my friends invited over her partner (they aren't together; strictly sexual, which I love). You know what happened? I got to watch LIVE PORN! FINALLY!!! It was just oral, but I couldn't believe my fucking eyes. I took it upon myself to put my friend's hair in a pony tail and she went to town. To hear the slurping, to see his facial expressions... It was amazing.

Then... THEN, our other friend jumped in. She was going down on him, too. At this point, I had put down the Black and Mild I was trying to light and I was pacing back and forth alternating between watching intently and saying "This... is my life. This can't be real. How is this happening?"

I watched TWO friends give oral sex to ONE guy. He had to leave to make his tattoo appointment (how badass), so he zipped his pants up with his throbbing erection pressing into his jeans.

So, I got what I wanted. One more thing marked off my bucket list. No one woke up with a hangover... Well, one friend would have, but she started crying and shit, so she was cut the fuck off before I started to kick her emotional ass.

When things like this happen, I think about the stories I could tell my (possible) future kids. They wouldn't exactly be shocked, though, because I'm going to raise them in a house where sex will be common conversational fodder. Yay for no sexual repression.