I Hope That If She Finds Someone with Every Possible Trait She Loves Their Skin Color Won't Matter

Wed, 07/28/2010 - 15:39
Submitted by VirginMonoblogger

I was talking to a friend today, and asked her opinion on interracial relationships. She said that she thought they were fine and didn't see a problem with them. I then asked her if she would ever date a black man. I was actually surprised that she said no. I wasn't offended. Just a little shocked that she didn't think it was a possibility.

When I asked her why, she said the patented "I wouldn't want our kids to go through ridicule or anything." That is the number one excuse I hear from people around here when it comes to interracial dating. Honestly, I would rather someone say "I just think black people are ugly" than that bullshit, because it's untrue.

I've lived here for all twenty years of my life. I have always attended a public school. I can also always remember having someone of a mixed racial background in my classes. I can't, however, remember anyone picking on them because they were more lightly complected that the average black person. WHEN DOES THAT EVER HAPPEN?! I asked her, and she said "Well, I haven't seen it, but I've heard stories about mixed kids being picked on." ...really? Stop it. Kids will be kids. You could be the most beautiful and flawless child ever, and someone is going to pick on you. Skin color, especially in fucking 2010, isn't one of those things that they're going to choose as your "flaw".

One thing I've noticed, especially here, is that the DARKER you are, the bigger chance you have of being picked on. Lighter skinned girls are often considered prettier. I'm neither dark nor light, so I haven't really seen either end of the spectrum. If you're lighter, you're exotic. Throw in some "good hair" with that, and you are a top notch bitch. A dark skinned girl doesn't normally have such luck. I remember when I was a freshman in high school, and there was a darker skinned girl in my science class. One of the guys are touching her neck and she turned around and hit him (rightfully so), and he said to our teacher "Get this black beast off of me!" He was also black, just a lighter flavor. That's the first place people always go if you're darker skinned. "She's cute for a dark skinned girl", like it's some physical handicap that you're coping with well.

Anyway, my friend eventually admitted that black men just don't "do it for her", meaning she just isn't attracted to black people. Fine. That's also something I've heard. I don't think I could ever discount an entire group of people when it comes to possible partners, but if she does, then that's entirely her prerogative. I just hate that she didn't really want to "look bad", so she passed it off on not wanting her kids to have to suffer the woes of being light skinned, like it was some time of noble decision she was making.

She started to get upset and emotional... I'm not really sure why.. I guess it's always hard to have your beliefs challenged. We eventually ended the discussion and moved to something else. I don't know. I guess she was trying to avoid offending me. She knows who I am. I'm not the type of person to be easily "offended" by anything racial. It was just an interesting topic to talk about with someone who had a different opinion.

Whatever, dude. We all have our prejudices, right? We also always have exceptions to our prejudices. I hope that, if she finds someone with every possible trait that she loves, their skin color won't matter.

Thought all virgins were the same? Think again.

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.

Dark-skin and interracial dating and bullying

Wed, 07/28/2010 - 19:12
d henry (not verified)

I am a former civil rights movement worker (in M.L.King's movement in Alabama in 1965). I lived all summer with 2 different black families and spent very little time with "white" (like myself) people. I never stop being appalled at how deeply and thoroughly racism remains in our country. Remember that moment in Obama's inaugeral when he said "if you're black, get black, if you're brown, stick around" or some such. That moment was thrilling for me because you need to talk to someone who is dark skinned to find out the real truth of racism. It's wholly true and a terrible problem in our country.
I guess we just need to keep working to accept each other and extend our love and respect to other groups (black, latino, muslim, women, gay--just to name a few). And we need to do this by first, stopping the denying that was so well pointed out in this blog entry. Thank you for it.

I went through the same thing.

Hotchocolate's picture
Thu, 07/29/2010 - 03:59

I have many white friends who I discussed this with. One of my friends and I got on the topic because she said your lucky you can marry a black man with a big dick. (There are numerous things wrong with this phrase like all black men have a big dick.) Which I said maybe, maybe not I don't really care who I would marry. Then I said to her you COULD marry a black man too. Which the response to that was "my mother would not want her grandchildren to be tease because of their race." Which is a complete bullshit answer. I think I'm pretty sure I tried to get her to further expand on her answer but I don't think we got very far. Also where I am from I have never seen a kid picked on because of their mixed heritage. The only discrimination I see are black people putting down other black people, especially darker skin. Which opens up another rant, which I will expand on at a later time.

Another friend of mine had the same conversation, yet again assuming I would marry a black guy. I responded the same way telling her she could marry a black man. At first she was defensive saying she had dated a black guy. Umm yeah for a month and you were 13. But later she was honest with me when we had the same conversation again. " I like my whities" her words not mine. That's fine if you're not attracted to someone, your not attracted! I don't want to hear bullshit excuses. But I do wish people would open their minds a bit more.

I've lived in the South my

Thu, 07/29/2010 - 05:45

I've lived in the South my entire life so I've seen a lot of this as well. I was born and raised in Atlanta, and I spent my childhood in a very diverse area up until we moved to another part of town that was sort of wealthy (we were considered poor over there).

I personally have no issue with interracial couples, as long as it's all about love and not just pissing off your parents like a lot of girls I went to school with would do. I would honestly be happy if anyone would pay attention to me, but I do have a certain type, just like a lot of people. It's nothing to do with race, exactly, just physical traits. Like, I tend to like tall, dark-haired, physically large men. That's my thing, it's what rings my bell. Always has to some extent. I've had friends that dated black guys and I never thought less of them for it. Whatever, they were happy.

I've never really heard mixed kids being made fun of, either. I'm not sure where that misconception came from. It seems like that was something that was just... invented, rather than seen in person.

I am mixed. I look "almost"

Sun, 08/01/2010 - 04:01
Nanami (not verified)

I am mixed. I look "almost" white. I remember in gradeschool and middle school getting called all kinds of things because of my hair, or my skin color. White Whoopi was one of them; not that i minded so much on that one, at least other than the white part. That part hurt. Even my dad's side of the family, the black relatives, kept their distance from my sister and I. We were never really welcomed as much. Black men, who I find extremely attractive, always seemed to pass over me. Guess I am still not white enough and not black enough either for some folks. Too bad I don't really care anymore, cause I'm a rockin' Girl ;)

A light skinned black

Thu, 08/12/2010 - 18:22
CC (not verified)

Although its true that dark skinned blacks get picked on for having dark skin, there are light skinned blacks who get picked on for not being black enough. I'm light skinned enough that people sometimes confuse me for an Asian or Hispanic. As a child I was constantly picked on by both white and black children growing up. People were constantly calling me names pulling my hair, hitting me and threatening to beat me up. I never even dated during high school because I was so used to people calling me ugly, I didn't think anyone would want me.

Blacks Are All Colors of the Rainbow

Sat, 08/14/2010 - 14:55

Dorssey

My father said to me when I was a teenager: "If you are black, you have the choice of going out with any type of woman possible, from chocolate black to white-white, from Asian looking to European looking, because black people are all colors of the rainbow."  The dirty little secret America doesn't want to own up to, sort of similar to the dirty little secret that most of us masturbate on a fairly regular basis, is that everyone has been shutupping everyone for centuries, regardless of color or ethnicity.  Easily over 90% of African Americans are not of pure African blood, whatever that is.

VirginMoonblooger, your discussion with your friend doesn't surprise me.  In my opinion, it comes down to this:  America has been very successful over the last few decades in assimilating many different ethnic groups into the mainstream. African Americans have also made great strides in that regard.  But the fact remains that African Americans are still viewed as socially inferior by more than a fair share of Americans.   I would be willing to bet you that your friend would not have the same reaction to dating a Native American (I am amazed how many white Americans are now so proud of any Native American ancestry they possess and are quick to point it out--would they be as eager to reveal their African American ancestry?) or a Hispanic American or perhaps even an Asian American.

My final piece of advice: choose your friends more carefully and trash this antediluvian.

Blind Love

Fri, 12/17/2010 - 08:51
AkiShaw (not verified)

I kind of see where people will be wary of having a kid with mixed heritage.  Kids can be cruel, and well people in generally can be cruel.  I am half Mexican and I have heard my share of racial slurs towards Mexicans but never directed at me.    I also see your point, if you really love someone then race shouldn't matter and even if people might direct some comments at you then you can work through it and teach your children how to be stronger and more tolerant.   Its also amazing how a persons perspective can be changed through a small child.  
I completely understand that a person has physical qualities that they find attractive (and unattractive for that matter)  Personally I don't like the look of really ripped guys but I know that plenty of girls like that look it just depends on what floats your boat.  However I think that if I met a really ripped guy that had all the personality traits I find attractive because really that is the most important thing, I could probably grow to find at least his body really attractive.    Love makes us blind.  

Post new comment

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.
By submitting this form, you accept the Mollom privacy policy.