Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross
Better Orgasms. Better World.
 |
Betty's Vaginal Barbell |
 |
My Romantic Love Wars: A Sexual Memoir - EBOOK EDITION |
 |
Betty Dodson's Bodysex Workshop DVD |
 |
Betty Dodson Liberating women one orgasm at a time |
 |
Carlin Ross Sex, Politics & More Sex |
 |
Eric Amaranth Sex life coaching, real life erotica, and wellness |
 |
Lawrence Lanoff Reality Hacker. Sex Educator. Geek. |
 |
Liandra Dahl Sex Documentarian |
 |
LilithLand Women, Sex, Culture & Relationships |
 |
cajun sausage Lovin' Dr. Betty since 1996! |
 |
Christina Cicchelli Professional Pervert |
 |
Danny Wylde Male. Libra. Whore |
 |
Dr. Lulu History & the Material Culture of Sex |
 |
Emily and Ju Queer love |
 |
Eric Francis Astrology & Adventure |
 |
Jenn Parenthood. With Cursing |
 |
Jessica Kramer Liberating Birth |
 |
jexhibitionism |
 |
Kasini Poet. Educator. Catalyst. Mother. |
 |
LesleyS Redefining my sexual self after babies. |
 |
Logan Levkoff sexologist, sex educator, intellisexual, author, mom |
 |
Marisa Black Finding room for all of me |
 |
Marylou Naccarato Learn how to raise your level of “Sexability” |
 |
Palesa Art + Sex + Media + Empowerment |
 |
Princess What would my mother say? |
 |
Solo Sexualist |
 |
VirginMonoblogger Thought all virgins were the same? Think again. |
 |
WildOrchid A selfsexual, toy loving, possibly bisexual total virgin |
I learned something new today: Apparently, some guys these days think women "cum" because of "white stuff" that ends up on their dick when they're having sex. I... thought that was just vaginal lubrication. Post-ovulation, my cervical fluid is thicker and pale white. When I dip my finger in when I masturbate, it's thick enough to stick in my nail beds. I guess this is the "cum" they're referring to?
She told me that a guy was teaching her how to ride him. He told her to tell him before she comes. At the time, she didn't really know what an orgasm felt like, so she told him that she didn't know when she was going to come, and that it just happened. The white stuff appeared after a while and he said "Oh, you just came. Was it good?" and she responded "...I did? Oh, yeah. It was good." She enjoyed the sex, but didn't orgasm. She also didn't tell him that she didn't come, because she didn't want to kill his ego. I guess my definition of "coming" is different. When I come, I have an orgasm. Squirting/having other fluids on my fingers/toys isn't coming. But, that isn't the only thing that stuck out to me in that conversation.
I was told today that I'm missing out REAL sexual pleasure because I'm not having sex. Nothing compares to the feeling of a dick inside of your pussy, so I'm denying myself. I told her that I didn't feel like I was denying myself of anything, and she asked why. I said "Well... When I'm having an orgasm, arching my back, and clenching the sheets or the headboard... I don't feel like I'm missing much just because there's no dick thrusting into me". To which she responded, "Wow... Really? What the hell are you doing?". She couldn't believe that I was achieving such powerful orgasms by myself. I was almost insulted. WHY ARE SOLO ORGASMS SO SHOCKING?! Why is it so surprising that I can please MYSELF sexually? Why the fuck should I want be dependent on a man to get off? I guess I missed the memo that I'm not allowed to be sexually satisfied without having sex with someone. "Oh, baby. I can only come when I'm with you. Your dick is my orgasmic salvation." Yeah. Fuck that.
I'm not saying that I won't have more powerful orgasms during sex. I'm not saying that I won't absolutely love everything about humping some man meat. But, I'm pretty sure it's safe to say that no one will be able to please me like I can. I still wonder, though... Am I setting myself up for sexual failure and disappointment with such an attitude? Or am a guaranteed a lifetime of sexual pleasure because I know that I can always depend on MYSELF for those body-shaking, headboard-gripping, pussy-pulsing orgasms?
Let's go with the latter, shall we?
Dear VMB, The orgasms you
Dear VMB,
The orgasms you are having with yourself will always be available and great. When you share them with a partner, you will double your pleasure or it will simply be awful if the guy says, "Come Baby, come." Or he wants you tell him when you are about to come. Women don't operate that way unless you are watching porn. Most of us will lose our momentum if we go into our heads to say something instead of staying inside our bodies digging the fabulous sensations. You are a joy to read. Keep up your happy solo sex life.
Will she become recruit no.2 of your masturbation club?
Betty: I am absolutely
Betty: I am absolutely beaming. I love you! :)
Anon: Likely not. She isn't like MW. She isn't open to the ideas of exploration and personal discovery. But, that's okay. She says she's satisfied, so that's all that matters.
It's a shame when people
It's a shame when people don't want to be helped with exploration (I simply love that word!); I want to scream at them to tell them that they're the ones missing out. But you're right vmb, as long as she feels she is satisfied...
I told my boyfriend that I would never give up masturbation for him. Whilst we have awesome steamy dick-vag sex, there's just something so intimate about loving yourself, doing things how you want them to be done. It's ME time!
Best part about telling him this? Him loving it. I'm just trying to get him round to using a sex toy in bed. (I've been trying for ages, but I'm gunna be a bit more pro-active in this since it's come up on D&R as a main topic; I'm inspired!) My first step? Buying a less intimidating looking sex toy. I'm thinking of the little bullet. Small, non-intrusive. I'll have a whale of a time!
I'll second Betty with her comment - I love reading your posts VMB!
just to be sure
Unfortunately the stuff on your cuticles and his dick could also be a vaginal infection. If, as you say, it follows a regular menstrual cycle pattern, fine. You don't have to have a partner to have yeast or another diagnosis.
check it out.
Nina: Good luck with the
Nina: Good luck with the toys. I'm hope he invites the change! And thanks for loving my writing. :)
lsjbaby: It's definitely not yeast. Discharge can come in an array of colors and textures. The spinnbarkeit of cervical mucus isn't always there, especially after ovulation. It can be gluey, gummy, sticky, thick, thin, brown, white, yellow, clear... It varies with every person.
In addition to that, many
In addition to that, many folks have reported vaginal secretions get a sort of 'whipped' texture after sex/play.
Post new comment