Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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I've been watching porn more often lately. Since my night of drunken shenanigans, I've been idly touching myself a lot. More often than usual, if you can believe it. While cooking, while vacuuming, and definitely while showering. I don't know what's going on, but f*ck... I'm not complaining.

My porn tastes switch up so often. For a while, I was into squirting lesbian porn, then tranny cumshot porn, and now I'm all about BBCs (big black cocks) and gang bangs. Apparently, "housewives" are all the rage for these porn scenes, which makes it interracial... Because um... I guess black women can't be housewives, lol. That's cool, though. I like vanilla and chocolate. These scenes are like my fucking fantasies personified. I don't know where this stems from. When I was in high school, I rotated between three guys to get off (more or less), so I guess the appeal of multiple partners started then. Especially one guy who had a huge dick. I still clearly remember the veins and the color of his head and everything. Though the experiences I had with that amazing piece of man-meat were awkward and not very pleasurable at the time, just thinking about what I would do to that massive dick now gets me off to this day. Dr. Good Dick is what I've dubbed him in my mind.

These days, I'm solely clitoral. No penetration unless I'm dipping in to get some pussy lube to rub on my clit, but when I watch these videos... I ACHE for the feeling of penetration from a huge and throbbing cock. Penetration hurts me, though, when I use a penis-shaped vibrator. But, I wonder, in the heat of the moment, with all the pussy juices flowing and the clitoral stimulation, if I could comfortably take a dick. And even if it hurt, maybe it'll "hurt so good" and I won't want to stop. Dr. Good Dick asked "Would you let me freak you?" when I was a junior, to which I responded "NO!!!". We fondled and had our fun, but I wasn't going to let it progress that far. I was just too scared. I saw him in December. We ran into each other in a store. My eyes went immediately to his crotch, but he had on basketball shorts, so there was no bulge to be seen. My hair was in a messy bun and I just looked like overall shit, so I said a quick hello and carried on my way. I should find his number. I wonder what he's up to now. I wonder if we could pick up from where we left off. Doubtful.

It's still hard for me to separate my sexual fantasies from my sexual reality. I feel like, eventually, I'm going to have to stop analyzing everything and just fucking do it. Regret isn't something that always goes away, though. Maybe masturbation will always be enough for me, even though I could sure go for some Dr. Good Dick right now. I just know that if he was standing in my room at this very moment, cock standing up and everything, I wouldn't be able to do anything. Maybe I've sexually plateaued and I need to just push through and fuck somebody. Or start small. Have some guy stick a finger in my pussy or I give him oral sex. Have a taste of the icing before I buy the whole cake. Hmm. I do love sweets. :P