We Decided to Start a Club for Disabled People to Find Partners

Thu, 01/09/2014 - 09:04
Submitted by Tuppy Owens

My name is Tuppy and I'm a British ex-zoologist turned sex book publisher and writer.

I published the international Sex Maniacs Diary for 24 years: 1972-1995. I caught up with Betty in New York, interviewing her for a book, and then I helped publicise her work a bit.

Back in 1979, a colleague who had been distributing the diary finally lost his sight. Quite quickly he lost most of his friends and his beautiful girlfriend as well. Going blind is one of my biggest fears, so I was determined to support him. He was a real sexpot and had always had women around him, so missed this and I thought that if he got a sex life again, he may cheer up.

I took him to parties, described the women in the room, then introduced him to the one he liked the sound of. It was fun. Once he was on his feet again, we decided to start a club for disabled people to find partners, never thinking that it would really take off. I got a leaflet designed like one I'd been sent from a luxurious health spa in Los Angeles. We held an all night party and 150 people came from all over the UK. We received coverage in the national press and were off.

I believed that, however much a disabled person cannot do things, they can always enjoy their sexuality, and this would be a great bonus to their lives. I love matching people up and watching them being thrilled to bits about getting a lover, partner or spouse. Some of those who have triumphed have moved on to join my team of vollunteers and I am supported by amazing and lovely disabled people.

This club is called Outsiders and people can join from all over the world: the website is www.Outsiders.org.uk. Membership is limited to people who can handle their own affairs, as it's too difficult for volunters to run a club with those who can't, perhaps because of brain injury, learning difficulties or mental health problems. Because of the nature of our work, we don't get state funding and have to raise funds ourselves, putting on events, which can be a huge distraction from our work.

Amongst our members we have paraplegics, quadriplegics, people with cerebral palsy, MS, ME, social phobia and all kinds of conditions. At our lunches, we run discussions on topics which might help members in their struggle to gain the confidence, become knowledgeable enough, and feel proud instead of shameful about their bodies, to successfully start dating. These discussions are continued on our website.

In order to help members along on their journey, some go to a sex worker to learn what their bodies are capable of, how to please a partner, and gain confidence. So that they can find a responsible sex workers, I created www.TLC-Trust.org.uk, and it would be good to include American escorts, but I know that, unlike Britain, prostitution is illegal in most parts of your country.

One of the things I'd love to do now, is to sort out how to support disabled people whose limbs do not function and they can never masturbate. It seems inhumane to me, for a person to never have a sexual outlet, and live in perpetual frustration. However, a rare visit to a sex worker, which is normally all they can afford, could end in tears, as their frustration may have built up to such an extent that their first orgasm is quick and feels like nothing. It's only the second orgasm (which might not be possible during a paid session, due to limited time and money) which brings total release, the whole body being refreshed, and the individual actually feeling like a human being again.

I have actually experienced this myself with a member of Outsiders who actually once acted as our Chairman, even though he could not speak because of his athetoid cerebral palsy. I went to visit him to take him to bed, as he only lived up the road, and he was eagerly able to get a second erection again, after the first orgasm.

After his second orgasm, his body was relaxed enough to allow him to actually speak for a few moments, and I found out he had a Liverpool accent, which astounded me, having known him for several years and never reaslised!

Most people want an orgasm a day, so what's needed is regular support. All my plotting and planning to find a local person to “pop in and lend a hand every week or so”, has been stopped by my Trustees and advisors, who say this is too risky and could ruin my reputation. Now I am thinking, perhaps an established escort could see the desperate disabled person at times when work is slack, for a quick hand job, for not too much money. This is a work in progress.

In this column, I'm going to be writing about different problems that disabled people experience with having sex, and how I have helped them overcome and triumph (one man after ten minutes from putting the phone down!)

Thank you Betty and Carlin for letting me into your Hub. I am very happy to reach more people, as we can all cheer each other up with our fabulous stories.

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Good on you

Thu, 01/09/2014 - 17:57

Hi Tuppy
Congratulations on providing a Club to help disabled people find partners. It sounds a good way to educate and build sexual confidence / ability / prowess in those of us who live with an impairment.
However, please don't assume that because we have an impairment that we should be matched / partnered with another disabled person. In the real world able-bodied people and disabled people fall in love, have full relationships, marry/civil union and have children.
I was born with Cerebral Palsy, my partner is able bodied. Our relationship is a-maz-ing - and love-filled and sexually satisfying for us both. We found each other on an adult website where I clearly stated in my profile that I have Cerebral Palsy, and how it impacts on me. I had lots of interest - but was very selective with who I hooked up with.
Keep doing what you're doing - and maybe consider opening up your membership to ALL people. Then sit back and watch your Club GROW.
Kind regards