We all seem to love a bad boy.
Some have said that the feminist movement brought on hard women and soft boys – and we’ve know that didn’t work.
Dr. Helen Fisher who talks about history, and sociology and the hunter-gatherers probably has it all right.
There is something to the dependency angle after all. Women’s fantasies do often organize around a guy they can expect, because of their brawn, not because of their brains, to protect them against attack.
It’s like our brains have not caught up with our maturity and intelligence. Maybe a guy who can think his way out of a dangerous situation is way more desirable than a guy with washboard abs. I don’t know, call me crazy.
There is the fact that, and I don’t like at all to acknowledge this, that women still need a man who helps them feel defenseless against raw sexuality. If he is so large, and impossible to defend against, we don’t have to acknowledge our own power, our own interest, our own raw passion. Again, I don’t really know, but why would any of us be wishing to have sex with a guy who is dangerous and probably demeaning and disrespectful.
It has to be because we then have no choice and so we can just let him have us, in his way, and be overpowered and stupid.
We know that these men are not good for us, and we cannot believe we still answer their calls --- but we do.
I think it just takes the heat off our needing to take responsibility for honest desire. We are trained and culturally loaded to be sexual only with those men who are potential childbearing partners. Otherwise we are denied, disenfranchised, and dissed . So, can you believe it, we are only encouraged and approved to be sexual with generative partners?
Sorry, they are not the hotties
Bottom line, we need to be okay with having casual sex with the “bad boys,” but smart enough not to consider them or mistake them for the fathers of our kids.
I know this is the bad news. It is so rare to have sex with the man you hunger for and also have him as the father of the children. But that’s the truth.
It’s okay to have both.
Let it go.
Sex and forever and family don’t usually go together.