Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

 0 items

• Login
• Join

Search this site:

This has been an enlightening week. I’ve learned something new and potentially unburdening. Some of you will find this of interest and others will probably yawn and ask for a change of bloggers.

I went out with that man again, having decided that impulsive judgments were not worthy of my intellect and experience. Had to give him a second chance.

Guess what, I feel the same way I did when we first went out. It’s just not there. And if I, now this is just me talking, convinced myself that it was ok anyway, because he’s a nice man in so many ways, and the pickings are so slim, I’d kill myself.

I’m just not that girl. For me if I’m going to wake up next to someone whose breath is awful, I’d better be wanting to kiss him anyway. If my guy is going to smell, for any reason, I’m going to want to be close even then.

I am not going to have sex just to have sex. I’ve said it and now I feel more certain of it. I’m not like some other women, by the way I only read about them, don’t know them, who are searching for orgasm with a partner. The turn on for me has always been the pure, sure, magnetism.

I’ve had the love of my life and I don’t have him anymore. It was time for the marriage to end, but let me tell you, I wanted to eat his face. When we were in bed, I couldn’t, he couldn’t, get close enough. He was more than a foot taller than me, but we just mushed into a great, big ball. I was interested in sex way less often than him, but when he walked into a room, for twenty years, my body felt him.

So what is Chemistry anyway? Mostly it’s just an intellectual argument. All the science in the world has so far come up with various theories, but that hasn’t helped anyone get it and it hasn’t helped anyone destroy it when it’s there.

I’m happily unmarried to the man I mentioned but the absence of his physical presence in my life, is often cause for great sadness.

Some have said that it’s smell – pheromones. But where do those come from? I think maybe from childhood, some environmental or parental or stimulating long ago smell.

Some say that it ‘s an unconscious attraction based on losses and recognition of the promise to become whole – he has what I don’t and vice versa.

If that’s the case, in the course of your life if you’re lucky enough to fill in your own blanks, I say you get the strength to leave a bad relationship. However, the strength will not take away the Chemistry. That’s forever.

When there’s talk about “the love of my life,” that’s about Chemistry. It’s not about other identifiable positives. I think we can grow out of it, yes, that is what I think, which means we can learn to defend against it. But given a dreary day, a loss, a rainy day, like today, it can still be haunting.

I’m glad my ex is not around because it would be tough day today. I’d need all my armor.
Bottom line, I’m not settling. Not yet. I may, as I get older, just want a life partner and an occasional hug, but I’m not ready for that. And though I know others talk about having fun, going on an adventure, just experiencing raw physical pleasure, well, I guess I’ll take a rain check.

I’m still waiting for someone else whose lips I want pasted on mine.

So that’s the update. Any advice or “atta girl” more than invited. Tougher feedback too.