Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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Today we are taking a look at a relatively unknown type of sex worker called a sex surrogate. You might be thinking, What’s a sex surrogate? Good question. The following is part of an explanation of sex surrogacy from author and educator Cory Silverberg:

"A sex surrogate, or sexual surrogate, is someone who has received training to work in conjunction with a sex therapist, to address sexual concerns or sexual dysfunction with an individual or, less often, with a couple. A sex surrogate is different than a therapist in that they will not have received as much training in therapy and they will work in a "hands-on" way with clients. This may involve them touching clients and having clients touch them, it might involve them being sexual with clients."

I first heard of sex surrogacy a few years ago while watching a news report on the practice. While I definitely saw the therapeutic aspect of sex surrogacy, I was somewhat confused by the use of sexual contact as part of a person’s therapy. I didn’t have an explanation like Silverberg’s to aid me in my understanding. I assumed there would be a host of ethical and legal issues that would arise, and thus prevent this form of hands on therapy. I had come to understand therapy, especially any type of psychotherapy, as a talk-based relatively hands off approach to dealing with personal issues. The thought of having a therapist have any type of sexual contact with a client, went against my limited understanding of therapy. So I set out to understand this largely unknown profession. In doing so, I found Kirby Dick’s 1985 documentary, Private Practices: The Story of a Sex Surrogate.

Private Practices follows sex surrogate Maureen Sullivan, and two of her male clients, as they make their way through a process of talk and touch therapy. Under Maureen’s tutelage, the men take on issues of anatomy, relationships, and feelings of inadequacy. While the focus of the therapy is the two clients, the documentary focuses much of it’s attention on Maureen, and the reasons she’s chosen to make a living doing this type of work. She talks about her own feelings of inadequacy and how her work helps, but can also confuse her understanding of relationships. Some may find the fact that Maureen has her own issues to work through to be a disadvantage, but I believe it increased her ability to empathize with her clients, and thus be a better surrogate.

The documentary touches upon a lot of important topics, from how even a basic sexual education can enhance one’s sexuality, to struggling with body appreciation. The film even touches upon the way women’s expectations around sexual exchanges with men have changed as society’s attitude towards sexuality and gender have changed. While I appreciate many aspects of the film, I feel as though it’s explicit and implicit challenge of the myth of the “great lover” is of great benefit for both men and women. Just exposing the fact that sex therapy and sex surrogacy exists, challenges the idea that being a “great lover” is an innate ability rather than a skill that requires cultivation and communication.

Private Practices shows that sex surrogacy, like any profession that oscillates between the psychological and the sensual, is complex and highly nuanced. One ideology or point of view is not enough to understand the nature of this or any type of sex work. Yet, if we can take our ideologies and points of view, and filter them through a sieve of compassion, maybe we can move towards a greater understanding of not only this experience, but of this human experience that we are all a part of, regardless of the paths we choose.

Private Practices: The Story of a Sex Surrogate can be viewed online via Netflix or Amazon.com.