Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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Some with disabilities feel they are being exploited by the non-disabled. ie. They are concerned about power and its misuse. I have been reticent to ask the disabled or blind for sex because I imagined they would see it as a 'power' issue. I  am not asking for consent to rape[Which is a power issue]but sexual consent. 
Any comments?

I think it depends on the time, place and person. This issue also extends to many types of couples. I can think of many Female/Male examples right now. I think that the only sex that exists is consensual sex. Everything else is a misuse of power. I've never been with anyone with a disability, so I'm having trouble seeing how the issue of consent would be different for someone with a physical disability. I would say in any situation it is always best to ask the person.
The Canadian store Come As You Are has a nice list of resources around sex and disability. A lot has to do with using sex toys, but if you scroll down you'll see the more general sex and disability resources.
Hope that you find what you need.

    As a senior myself, I am able to approach senior women with flirty lines. I have a sense of when to move ahead or move on. With the disabled and blind I have internally mixed feelings. I was at a meeting and met a blind woman. For the 'hell-of-it' I started rubbing her shoulders and asked if it was all right. She immediately told me yes. As the massage progressed[at shoulder level]I asked how she felt about coming to my place for dinner. She said that would be 'neat'. Her county-assigned 'caregiver' jumped in and said she would have to come too. The 'caregiver' continued with a soliloquy about abuse of the handicapped. That they were not girls to be picked up in a bar. I could see the blind woman was seeping tears. She had a male voice who found her attractive and her 'caregiver' saw a rapist who wanted nothing but power over a handicapped person.

Its an interesting exchange between you and I. Lets try to keep it up

This is a very personal choice. Many people would feel comfortable with physical contact and dinner invitations, and many would not. I think the caregiver was just doing her job. The speech about abuse was maybe a bit over the top, but I can understand her concern. I would have reacted in a similar way. But would have suggested we all go out to dinner instead. I wouldn't go so far as to assume that anyone thought you were a predator, but for many people a massage and dinner invite at a first time meeting would be too much. As long as you respect people's boundaries, I think you should be fine.
Again I don't know all the nuances associated with disability and sexuality. These are just a few thoughts I had.

The blind woman was hot for the idea of coming to my place without her caregiver. I am sure the blind woman wanted to roll in the hay. It was the caregiver that jumped in, unasked. In this case the caregiver was denying the blind woman her own choice. I hope some disabled readers will jump into this discussion.

Yes, the "disabled" do get put into a box when it comes to the non-disabled regarding them as having sexual desires and needs (usually, that they don't!). It has a lot to do, I think, with what the numerically larger, non-disabled community, regards as "desirable."
Some thirty years ago, I became "involved" with an older gay man who was a partial paraplegic, and I was nicely surprised at how passionate our sex was! Sure, there were obvious physical limitations that we were constrained by, but, the emotional dimension was astonishing!
He was fiercely determined to be a sexual being, and yet, at first, when it became clear to me that he was "interested" in me, I admit that seeing him in a wheelchair made it difficult for me to take his come-on seriously. I couldn't imagine he and I being sexual! (It was that simple, really.) It was obvious that he wanted that to occur, but my own non-disabled out-look clashed with that. Looking back on that from 30 years ago, I feel a little bit embarrased. I guess I had a specific idea of what sex could be like (that is, between an "abled" and a "disabled" person), and I had a hard time getting past that! I learned that our preconcieved notions can be just as disabling.
I learned a lot from him. (I also glimpsed the struggle many aging gay men face, and being disabled made it even more challenging!)
Despite the physical limitations, we had some really good times together, intellectually, as well as emotionally (and yes, sexually, too)! That was thirty years ago, and yet I still remember him with great fondness. I now tend to think of "disabled" people in a different way; largely do to Marvin. Our relationship was brief, but by no means a meaningless fling! I've made reference to this before, but watching that video about Sins Invalid brought all that back up for me. Maybe wer'e getting better as a society afterall. Slowly. We interact with each other so much through our bodies, and it's the person inside that body that's the real treasure, I think.
Ederman58

Thank you for sharing.

That's a beautiful comment
Ederman58.