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Hooking up has been the subject of a lot of media attention over the last few years. Most of it not good. Leaving aside those who insist that hooking up is leading women (but not men) down the merry road to hell, there is a far greater problem.
Seems, it may not be that much fun anyway -- at least not for the woman. According to an upcoming article in the Journal of Sex Research, many women find it difficult to negotiate cunnilingus with casual sex partners.
Laura Backstrom, Elizabeth Armstrong, and Jennifer Puentes conducted in-depth interviews with 43 participants. And found, in general, that muff diving was not an expected part of the hookup menu. Men mainly perform oral sex in relationships, not with a casual FWBs. This isn't a new finding. Elizabeth Armstrong has done previous research supporting the old adage "that it is better to give than to receive" is lost on the male member of most casual hookups.
Women are a far more likely to perform oral sex during a hookup than to receive it, which is one of the reasons that college age women report climaxing only one-third of the time in first time hook-ups, and no more than half the time in repeat hook-ups (more than one sexual encounter with the same person). Most women require direct clitoral stimulation to orgasm, and oral sex is one of the most common ways women climax with a partner.
On the other hand, cunnilingus is an expected part of relationship sex, which is a thorn in the side of those women who don't like it. (And not everybody does). Backstrom, Armstrong, and Puentes pointed out that negotiating these issues can be a huge problem. In hookups, women who like receiving oral sex often had to be very assertive to get it. Nor, was this always successful.
The researchers argued that cultural shame regarding the female body and female sexual pleasure led to confusion and ambiguity about the place of cunnilingus in heterosexual sex. Especially, in a casual scenario. According to England:
“Women and men are more ambivalent about the importance of women’s sexual pleasure [outside] of relationships,” says England. “Our findings suggest that both women and men have absorbed a notion that women are entitled to sexual pleasure in a relationship, but not necessarily in casual scenarios.”
Plus, most men aren't that emotionally invested in a casual hookup, booty call, or random fuck, and therefore may not give a rat's rosy red one whether she gets anything out of it or not. One participant told Armstrong, in no uncertain terms, that "with his girlfriend, “definitely oral is really important [for her to orgasm],” but that with a casual hookup, “I don’t give a shit.”
Another young man echoed these cheery sentiments saying, “Now that I’m in a relationship, I think [her orgasm is] actually pretty important. More important than [in a] hookup. Because you have more invested in that person…When it’s a hookup you feel less investment.”
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Why should we need
Why should we need investment. Do we care if someone enjoys the other side of a casual conversation we have on a train? I do I think as most people do. And what a horrible notion that a relationship or any friendship is an investment that must I suppose obvioiusly require a return beyond wanting to be in and enjoy someones company.
We'll I'd say the same about
We'll I'd say the same about a "hook-up". I'm not as invested in the person, so I am not as concerned about their pleasure. It's only natural. But to "not give a shit" is a bit fucked. You need to have some kind of respect for the human being you're with, and a wish for the experience to be a positive and pleasurable one for both parties.
As for women not climaxing during casual encounters, as well as in relationships, I say it's their own responsebility. Just don't give until you've had it yourself - problem solved! That not only in that isolated event, but when women start expecting pleasure from their casual partners and won't accept anything less, the men will follow. They will follow if the option is not getting pussy.
43 is a miniscule sample
43 is a miniscule sample for a study like this that then seeks to infer it's findings as representative of cultural trends in heterosexuality. However I would tend to agree. I do not particularly like one night hook ups with men because they're not good for me. With women who do fuck women (bi, gay or straight) are usually a safer bet for an enjoyable hook up. With men I need to know a little more about them to ascertain whether they have any skills in the sack or if they're just hoping to use a woman like a wank sack and can charm their way into it. Most men want to be good though and to show prowess. This is why women shouldn't fake orgasms when being fucked badly on a hook up...because if men thought they were crappy in the sack they would try harder to please. The ego massaging fake orgasm has a lot to answer for...as does mainstream porn with it's bad unrealistic sex, fake female orgasms and male centric sexual enjoyment focus.
Fuckin' ' ay Liandra!! I
Fuckin' ' ay Liandra!! I couldn't have said it any better myself.
a lot of women feel that
a lot of women feel that cunnilingus is way more intimate than intercource. then it makes sense that they would not want it from casual lovers. i don't know why this is true, but it is. hmmm
Hi Liandra, One of the
Hi Liandra,
One of the study's primary authors Elizabeth Armstrong has been studing this issue for years with much bigger samples than this study. I think the article I linked to listed over 12,000 participants, and she found pretty much the same thing. This study was conducted as a qualitative research design, which is more about understanding how the participants feel about something rather than generalizing results.
I think what struck me was that the male participants were so blase about the women's sexual satisfaction. I got the feeling that the woman was merely a breathing wank tool in some cases. I don't think this is true of all men and I would be curious about how older men would respond. I think too much of the time researchers act as if we all die off at 30.
lisjb, I know that some women
lisjb, I know that some women probably do regard cunnalingus as very intimate, but they don't seem to feel that way blow jobs. And I am concerned that the end result of this is no orgasm for her. One thing that women could do is take responsibility for their own orgasms by providing their own clitoral stimulation, but if you're not comfortable with asking for oral, you probably aren't going to do that either. So, again, no orgasm.
I think that by "investment"
I think that by "investment" the researchers meant "concern" or "interest". I like to think that people are able to think beyond their own noses, but some apparently don't. I also agree saying no pussy is one damn good way of equalizing things -- if women are willing to do that.
I was thinking back to my own single days
From my experience with casual sex, I agree with the study. There was a guy who was pretty good in bed and who actually "got passed" around by the women because of his skills. The others were not worth my time. That's not a research study, just my own observations, and that's when I didn't have as many skills as I do today.
Great at giving but hard to get!
So I consider myself a master of giving oral orgasims to women but not one woman can make me reach climax/orgasm from only oral. Some are good at getting me turned on but even after 25 minutes,nothing! Mind you things have slowed down by now because she is tired.
No matter what they have tried I just cannot climax from only oral and have concluded it is only for foreplay. How I would love if a girl could get me to finish.
Any other males/females have this problem?
Lovelife: 25 minutes isn't a
Lovelife: 25 minutes isn't a long time. Just because you're a man doesn't mean you should be able to finish off in a second. People are different and different forms of stimulation take different amounts of time, especially if you're not used to it.
How long does it take when you masturbate manually? Are you aware of how you touch yourself when you do? And if so, do you encourage your partners to stimulate the same spots when they go down on you?
It could be a problem in a relationship, since your partner might not always want to have intercourse, and, naturally, shouldn't have to.
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