Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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Yeah we need to be far more aware of androsexual desire and enjoy it sexually when it comes our way and not just see it as a green light to do what we want to do.

I don't like the word slut and will never use it. Unlike cunt it's roots are abusive. so if they want to it's a word for women to relcaim themselves.

On this entire subject, Gynosexual women get together, have sex and express desire for each other, we should all learn a good deal from them.   

How then does this explain the newer testing that evaluates physiological evidence of arousal? Categories such as : swelling of the vaginal tissue. of the labia; temperature escalation; lubrication, etc thru electronic measurement while watching porn would suggest arousal.  On interview, women, however, say they are not. Furthermore, while orgasm is pleasure, it is by report, not necessary for enjoyment or fulfillment.
A viagra like pill study was abandoned because it did not in reality do anything for women's libido or arousal.
There is a decided difference in the levels of desire in men and women. I agree that for some women it is a function of their socialization but many other variables are to blame: stage of life, stage of cycle, relationship quality, responsiblity as a mother , ability to say Yes or No. 
I'm sure we are different.
You make an interesting anecdotal point but the facts ma'am, are the facts.

I love your posts Lawrence.  I think another reason why women appear not to be interested in sex is because what constitutes as real sex in our society is penis/vagina intercourse and that just doesn't do it for most women.  If sex were expanded to that which facilitates orgasm in women, then I'm sure we would be on it!!!!  I don't think the average guy (unless they are doing some tantric thing) would want to be sexually stimulated but not allowed to orgasm.

Hi Deera,
Thank you. Really good point. Our definitions of what constitues sex must vastly expand... there's a whole universe of something that I call energy sex which is pretty frikin' amazing - doesn't end in tranditional orgasm, yet orgastic energy can be surfed for hours...
:)

I'm going to be 72 in August.  I have survived two husbands and two 20+ year marriages and enjoyed a 7-year hiatus in between the two spouses when I THOUGHT I was having  wonderful sexual freedom with various partners which I had not had when I was young.  When I began dating again nearly a year ago I made a pact with myself that I was going to treat sex just as men did.  I could have as many short-term, carefree, casual partners (safe sex, always) as I wanted with not a single thought of commitment, marriage, housemates, etc.  It's unfortunate that man who leads that kind of life is not judged critically, but a woman (as noted in your post) is branded a whore and slut.  I argued with myself that women have a hard time doing that (as opposed to men)  because we attach so much emotional baggage to the sex act.  But I was going to try.  Thanks goodness I met my present partner.  I had no idea what sexual freedom was until I met him.  He's 66 and has the most open and non-judgemental view of sex of anyone I have ever been with.  No subject is taboo...no fantasy off limits for discussion.  The sex I am enjoying with him is so fantastic I have a hard time defining why that is so.  I think the first thing is he makes me feel sexy ... he's complimentary about the way I make love to him, the way I excite him, the way I take care of him sexually, the way nothing is off the table to try.  On the other hand, I deserve some credit because I never say no to anything to do with sex.  Never.  Some months ago I suspected he was seeing other women ... and of course, he could, as we had no exclusive agreement.  But, one night I told him I'd like to see him make love to another woman, as the view I had when we made love was very restricted and I wanted to see more.  Since then, we've had a MMF encounter which made me and my partner so hot we could hardly wait for the other man to leave so we could continue.  We have a foursome set for tomorrow and, if the phone calls and emails are any preview, the two of us will, again, reach such heights of sexual excitement as I never imagined.  I have NEVER - even with the closest women friends and husbands and lovers - felt so free to talk about sex - and we all know how verbal women are!!!  This did not happen with him overnight.  I was very shy in the beginning, even during the love act.  In the beginning, too, he was a little disturbed by my giggling and laughing in bed until I pointed out I was not laughing AT him, but because the sex was so fun!  Maybe if you're not laughing in bed, you're not doing it right!  But after much encouragement by him, I am able to talk about sex and feel as if I deserve to feel good about it and I feel free to pursue whatever I need to in order to fulfill my desires.  The last sentence in your post says it all: " female sex drive remains guarded, hidden and restricted by the unseen forces of a sexually repressive culture".       And ... never count someone out of the sex game because of age.  I'm enjoying sex more now than ever!!!!!

That is a beautiful story!!!!! Keep us (me) posted on your adventures... so happy to hear about your experiences of openness, trust, communication, freedom... 

L

I think there is more to sex in our society than penis/vagina.  You need to expand on that one.

Who does what they want sexually?  A word we could use is Mary Poppins.  I heard a young girl in the grocery store the other day say to her boyfriend "I have rather be called your bitch that your whore."   That was out of context so I don't know what their argument was about.  I think young girls find it all amusing.

Sociology and philosophy apart .. a smart, sensual man like me, albeit shy and busy communting between New York and New Delhi .. and I dont want to end up like Anthony Weiner or Strauss Kahn.   I'm a decent man with deep understanding of Yoga and Kama SutraI cant find no sensual sexual women at all! I'm sure they are out there! I need one, I want one.
Raga Yogi
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1114385687&sk=info

Hi Raga Yogi,
If you are like most men, the reason you can't find these women you seek is because you are looking through glasses (frames) that keep you from seeing clearly. Incredible women are everywhere, but most men have been taught to be ashamed of our needs, wants and desires. If you are "shy" and busy, there is literally no way to find what you want. 
This is not good for anybody. There are awesome women who want amazing men too!!! 
There is a fundamental change, in thinking and beliefs about women and female sexuality, that is necessary in order to see what is right in front of you... 
I have worked with wealthy, powerful men who don't understand women at all, and in the past have been dependant upon coersion, money and even force to get what they want. This is all complete foolishness. And, of course, everybody ends up feeling lonely and alone. This feeling sucks. 
I felt so lonely at one point in my life that I actually believed I would never meet incredible women.... I would walk down the streets of New York on a Saturday night and see all these people having fun - and I felt like I was behind an inpenetrable glass wall... 
However, I'm happy to report that none of this is necessary when you begin to see clearly... but it is truly like stepping out of a dream state once you discover the secrets...

Lawrence

What if women really don't want sex as much as men? What if it's hormonal? There needs to be room in the discussion to accept that maybe some women just don't have as great of a sexual appetite as others. It's doesn't work for me to immediately suppose that because my sex drive is lower than my partners that it's because of some sort of social or pyschological inhibition; I don't want to have to play a victime and spend my whole psychoanalyzing. That isn't to say that women aren't still caught in the dichotomy of the virgin/whore, but there are so many more things that can affect a women's sex drive besides social pressures. Don't make women with lower libidos feel like there's something wrong with them. 

You're right T, but I know a lot of men who aren't rabid horndogs either. Sex drive is an individual thing and if you feel it isn't broke, then be happy with yourself and don't try to fix it.

Yes it should be logical that sex drives vary like perspectives. About 12 years ago there was a special on cable tv about human relationships hosted by a sexologist in Great Britain.  He stated that some people think about and want sex all time and some people don't care about it at all.  It is a simple concept. And woe to the couples that are diametrically opposed.

It's also important to remember that there are different kinds of sex drives. I'm a woman who wants sex less often than most men. That said, I love to have several orgasms at a time when I do go for it. I don't think I have a lower libido than most men, but I do feel as if I have a less frequent libido than most men. I don't want to have sex all the time. But I could spend a day or two thinking about sex and then on the third day I want to pounce my boyfriend.

[= small]

Yes... I whole heartedly agree... Personally, I find my sex drive ebbs and flows a ton... and there are so many factors that go into sex drive. 

And Ms. T, please accept a whole hearted [/]apology if you felt in any way I was saying that something is wrong with women with low sex drive. On the contrary... as I have spoken in the past -- ebbing, flowing is a very natural thing... from hormones, to stress, to drugs (I consider anything we put in our mouths a drug) to age, to plain old biology... everybody is different - and sex drive is different. My own sex drive has changed so much over the course of my life, you'd think I was talking about different people. 

 
I love the ebbs and flows of sex drive... in fact, maybe next week I'll write about that and share some insights I have about that with you...
Have a delicious weekend...

Every week there is a news report related to obesity.  It is always about the general health within the obesity epidemic.  Not one time is there anything mentioned about the sexual aspects of being overweight - like it doesn't do anything for your sex appeal or your ability to function sexually.  As always there exist a sexual stigma in the American culture about sexual details.   Sex is spoken of incessantly and erotic images are everywhere but you cannot mention any specific physical characteristics that would impede or enhance you ability to get screwed. Even on this website there are no specific details of sexual attraction expressed or implied.  Something like if you got  hot T&A or  thighs and legs that go on and on you can get fucked tout suite.  People must think about that but they don't put it into words.

While I agree that women with lower libidos should not be made to feel like something is wrong with them I argue that women who are highly sexual should not either. The truth is that I see just as many women who have husbands/boyfriends/partners that have low libidos as I do men who aren't getting all the sex they want. Everyone has different levels of sexual desires and many different things can cause this. It should not be a male/female converstation.
As a woman who thinks about and wants sex as often if not more than most men I know I should not be made to think that something is wrong with me any more than you should. Yet I will say I am very often judged by people because I am willing to talk openly about my love of sex and all things sexual. Now mind you I am in a committed relationship and before this relationship was married for 15 years yet people struggle with my love of and openess about sex. I tell my customers that low libido is only a problem if it is causing issues in your relationship. If both people are happy with the amount sex they are getting then leave it alone. If not then it is something that should be addressed but neither person should be made to feel that something is wrong with them.

I never thought I'd hit a low but to be honest, right now, I'm just not that interested in partnersex. Although tonight, I was happy that I didn't resist hubby's advances. I just get so tired of always initiating and feeling like I'm imposing on something my husband would rather do like read a book. I just have no desire to initiate anymore because I'm so sick of the rejection or feeling like I'm something on a to do list. I've been a faithful wife but if a man found me attractive and started persuing me, I would be very tempted. My marriage however, includes both children and extended family so I do not want to do anything to destroy that.